What a way to start the new year with a BANG of lies, truth, honesty, and hurt. When I said I'm just going to wing my resolutions, I didn't mean it in a negative sorta way. Now, it started heavily and I might as well disintegrate into tiny pieces. I won't elaborate the whole story here because repeating the whole story just hurts me even more. All I can say is.... I'm not mad, just disappointed. Disappointed especially to those people whom I trusted would tell me the truth eventhough how tough or painful it would bring me. They even thought I was "paranoid" whenever I ask them anything. Hello?! Haven't you heard about a woman's intuition? C'mon it's almost oftentime right on the dot. And I don't think "waiting for the right moment to tell" is even the question here the fact that they have the whole December to tell me and they didn't. Bro gave them the chance to tell me and imagine how tough it is for them to keep something so small yet so valuable to me, damn it must have been hard on their part too. So Bro decided I needed a drastic change in my life, and sent an angel instead, yes of course in a form of another human, who might do Bro some justice in laying out the GOOD news to me before it's too late.
In short, I found out. My heart pounded so loudly that I think I have to see my cardiologist again for my freakin cardiomegaly (the slight enlargement would probably be not so slight anymore). From the moment I found out until now, is like having a last song syndrome wherein I can't eat because I feel nauseated, I avoid crowds because I feel like I'm going to yell at them, and I can't sleep which brings me back to my insomnia and have to take Iterax 2mg this past nights just to lull myself to sleep. My one week duty rotation was a mess, I literally dragged myself to the duty area and had a robotic nature for the remaining days of stay. To add up, I didn't have a score on a handle I was hoping to have. So whoopee. When everybody found out that I knew the whole story already, the "sorrys" where a given reaction already. Many were confused and blamed the angel who told me which in fact they don't have the right to blame anyone because they were already given the chance to tell me what they know even though it's just a small thing and yet they let it pass assuming it's okay and telling it would ruin the moment. Well, need I say more? It's been done. No sorrys, no blames can take away another scar formed.