The heat is ON!

Finally, the Assessment for Nursing Potential (ANP), formerly known as Nursing Aptitude Test (NAT), was released already. I passed, scoring ABOVE 90 %. Thanks God! Although, I feel bad for two of my classmates, who became close to me this semester, because they got pretty low scores, as in low talaga. If only I can share my score to them, I would. Anyway, the accumulated grade point averages haven't been released yet, and it's supposed to be 40% and will surely guarantee you a spot for the 3rd year so we are still waiting for the list to be posted. That's why we keep on going to and fro the school because no one knows when will the list for the eligible 3rd year students will be posted so that we can enroll or look for another school if ever not picked.

Anyway... it's sooooo summer here already in the islands. I hate it the heat. It's killing me! Eventhough I go inside malls, still it's hot man...arrrgghhh! My friends laugh at me because I still fan myself when we go strolling in the mall. Which reminds me, I need to buy a "pamaypay"(fan) because I can't stand the heat! I'm not suited for this kind of climate, I might get heat stroke or something. Haiii.

Oh shit. I gotta run, my lola is going to be rushed to the ER again. Not looking very good. God help her please... and help me overcome these obstacles.

There goes my self esteem again.

Money has been super tight lately. I don't know why, and I hate to think about it. My parents are working extra hard these days. I heard from my sis that one of the cars is for sale already. She made the 'for sale' sign herself. It pains me to see my dad frustrated about financial stuffs. And plus he fuckin hates his new job. He transferred to a nearer car company because picking up the kids has been hard. Part of this is my fault, if only I just stayed there and helped them, life would somehow ease up even just a bit. My dad rarely smiles anymore whenever we video chat and he talks about important stuffs with no humor left of him. And being a daddy's girl, I hate to see him sad. It breaks my heart and it's hard acting strong when all I wanna do is crash down. I don't even see my mom anymore, because she's always at work or sleeping from a graveyard shift. I don't have anybody to talk to about this because I'm all alone in this crazy world. So I try my best to keep it to myself and just pray that everything will turn out alright.

I knew from the moment I left my secure little world and out alone in this bigger crazier world, there will be a lot of consequences. And wearing a braver heart is tiring sometimes when I see my loved ones hard up and unhappy. If only I wasn't such a screw up before, I would have achieved success by now. But I failed, so many tries yet so many let downs. I took pity on myself that I can't do it. Depression after depression. I battled my own fear of failure. And somehow the only way to put back the pieces again was to go seek the world beyond my comfort zone. That's why I'm back in my homeland to search for answers, to make myself better and to forgive myself for doubting my own self. Probably to all who will read this, won't understand what I mean and I want to apologize that there are just some things better left unsaid.

Let's just say, behind my every smile, hides the real me wanting to break free from all the chaos and hurt I've been through the past 3 years. And it still stings every now and then.

I just wanna keep it real people.

..Dear..

Every waking day I think of you
Wanting to hug, to kiss you true.
Never meant to love you so much
But now that I do, I always yearn for your touch.

No one gets me like you do
Don't ever break my heart in two.
Coz this time feels right
You maybe the one for me, you just might.

I will never let you go
No matter how far, high and low
For one thing is clear
"I love you", Dear.

Revelations.

I got this from Ychel.

Thanks dear, it's so sweet of yah. My first ever award, cool beans! Now I would like to share this award to my blogista friends who's been always supportive even though I may see you never still I feel that you already know me inside and out. So cheers to Kathie, Keloyd, Lib and Fye (who went in hibernation again I suppose but wherever u are Ms Fye take care!).

Sad to say, today, the grades weren't released yet, and I haven't finished my clearances also because it was freakin hot and humid and some of the clinical instructors weren't there for the signing. Oh I still have to face the Commission On Discipline this coming Wednesday because of the IR(Incident Report) we had last first day of our 2nd rotation at the clinic.

Incident Report (IR) - is a report done by the clinical instructors when he/she sees a certain misdemeanor or something pertaining to clinicals and duties and malpractices by his/her nursing students.

That's a bummer right there! I don't want to get duty extensions and pay thousands on my last year of Nursing which is a year from now just because of the stupid thing she think we did. The consequence is yet to be revealed. (Although... one of the Commissioners, upon seeing my name on the list called me up in the faculty room and asked what that IR was about and I told him and he said in a low voice, "Ako ng bahala sa'yo.") I was like.. huh? I was completely surprised seeing he's one of the "sinusumpang strict" instructors of the 2nd year level. But honestly, I was relieved when he mentioned that. He was surpised too why my name was on there in the first place (probably because "being one of the top students of this batch" has its own advantages as well) and what better timing than this. Thanks Sir (anonymous) for believing in my capabilities.

I hate this!

Fuck this!

This recurrent UTI is soooo bothersome! I hate going to and fro the doctor, getting my urine's checked every so often only finding out every check up that my urinalysis is fuckin' normal. Am I fuckin' dying already???!!!

Arrrrgggghhhhh!

If only.

If only I knew how and was influenced by a bunch of my friends to smoke, I would probably be a chain smoker by now. My personality of "easily getting bored" can totally affect the whole thing. Thank God I was thought martial law discipline (hehe!) or else my lungs are a goner already. Today I attended mass and it was Easter Sunday, a big celebration actually, bigger than Christmas the priest had said a while ago because birth is a good thing, but being reborn and risen from the dead is the greatest, so that's why hehe, hey I listen to the Gospel's good news too you know.

Anyway, I wish I'd have my VW bug really soon so that I can just go wherever I want and feel safe especially going out alone, at least I have a getaway car when things get sidetracked or something and plus when I go study at a coffeeshop I won't mind staying a wee bit longer without hassle of hailing a taxicab at night. I mean seriously. If only my overall appearance can just blend in with the crowd I won't mind riding the jeepney at night time, but I don't, so you get what I mean right?

Oh well, a little later I'll be going to school for the signing of clearances and of course checking my overall grade if I can proceed to 3rd year. I'm actually so anxious already, my eyes are sleepy but my mind can't seem to relax because of this! Ugh and plus I dunno what happened to my boyfriend, he didn't say anything about leaving early from work or where he's been. Didn't even say goodbye, how sad. But I can't wait anymore, I'm going to bed. I'm sure he has a pretty good explanation later so au revoir and wish me luck!

Happenings of the Day.

My phone wasn't working right this morning so I woke up in a rush when I received a text message from my close friend Jomz that she was trying to reach me but i wasn't replying back that instead of meeting up at the mall around 2pm, we'll be having lunch in Al Dente at 1130am. And boy! The time on my clock, was exactly 1130am. I practically jumped out of my bed, scram as I looked for my slippers and while peeing in the bathroom I texted her back saying that I just received her message and I swore I didn't hear her call as well and told her that I was going to be late because my phone wasn't working right at all (Ugh, I seriously need a new phone) She replied back that she was going to pick me up and that she was on her way. Wow! hehe. So I took a bath and changed. She more or less waited for a good 15 minutes. hehe!

We met up with our friend, Steph and the chika and catching up stories to tell were endless! I love hanging out with these two friends of mine coz I can very well say we are three people with different personalities and walks of life but we always make it a point to have at least 1 or 2 lunches or dinners to catch up with each other's lives! Steph is a graduate of BS Lit and lives in Manila now, Jomz is a 4th year Law student and I'm struggling to be one of the future nurses produced here in PI so you can very much make a novel out of us! Such great friends, and I can share them anything, we share mostly everything actually, work, school, guys, relationships, tips and what not, sex and candy. haha! If only I have the time to write a novel or a short story and get it published here, I definitely would.

After lunch we went to check up on Jomz latest guy.. hmm.. hehe! We went to his place in Providence because Steph and I wanted to meet him. We insisted. I remembered going to Providence with Pete, we went there just to check on the model houses and we did fell in love with one of the designs in that subdivisions plus the whole of it looked safe and in for more progress later on. Anyway, we talked more when we got there and then Jet went with us back to the city. They dropped me off at the mall because I still need to withdraw some chi because lola is going to do her monthly laboratory check up tomorrow.

So overall it was a good day for me. At least half of the day I managed not to get bored and whine about it! But now I'm back to being bored. I can't wait for Monday to come, coz I'll be at school then for the clearances and grades. Speaking of grades, I'm quite jittery about it coz what if I won't be able to proceed to 3rd year? If that happens, I'll be off to Bacolod, my last resort, with my tita as the dean of the college of nursing in Riverside, ughhh I don't want that to happen. So I'm being positive that I can make it to 3rd year so that my mom can attend her much awaited capping of her eldest daughter, whom she insisted of becoming a nurse! But I owe it all to her. She's one of the great influences in my life.

She's done everything, I've even contradicted her drastic on the spot decisions before, but now I understood why she did it. So to make up for those times that I hated her, now I wanna see and make her proud of me. (ahhh, I'm tearing up again. jeeezz..)

In Bliss.

I can't seem to wipe off the big smile plastered on my face. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganito na lamang ang nadarama ko. I'm so thankful he came into my life. Nung minsan nagtampo cya sa akin kasi ni hindi ko daw cya binabanggit dito sa mga blog posts sa sangkaterbang sites ko. At nung nagtampo na cya, saka ko na daw cya binanggit, so baka naman daw napipilitan lang daw ako. Haiii naku h0ney ko, kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako kasaya, kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat sa Diyos na pinahintay ka pa rin Nya sa akin at sinunod mo Cya na wag mag-give up sa akin maski na you thought you've lost the battle already at kung gaano ko na realize na all this time ikaw pala talaga ang laman ng puso ko. Hindi mo ako masisisi kung bakit bihira ko lang isulat kung gaano kita ka mahal because sometimes I can't find the words that fit how I really feel for you. No words could describe them. A simple "i love you" is never enough for my real feelings for you. Siguro maski ibigay mo sa akin ang lahat lahat ng words sa iba't ibang languages, still, it would take me a lifetime to find the exact words. Tulad rin ng pagmamahal ko sayo, it will be for a lifetime h0n. Oo, iba na nga talaga to (winks blushing)

Bless You.

How's everyone spending their Holy Week so far? Blessed Good Friday to all of yah! This week was a no brainer for me, thank God. I spent most of this week sleeping mah ass off and catching much needed rest. But yah know me! I get bored easily. Yeah even by doing nothing! Seriously.(hehe) I can't wait till my VW bug is done and ready to roll especially summer is officially here (the heat is on!), I intend to have my car wherever I go and away from riding jeepneys eventhough riding the jeep is one of the coolest experiences in my life it's only there where you meet random everyday people and sometimes just by looking at each and everyone of them, you will kinda know how their lives are and there you can appreciate that everyone is indeed unique. Yeah I do that most of the time when I ride the jeep. I tend to create their own world, I try to foresee how they live life and make stories out of it. Ooops my bad! This is the frustrated journalist in me speaking here. Hehehe!

Anyway, in the lighter side of view, my h0n can't help himself from laughing at the video I sent him about Janina San Miguel, who won the Bb. Pilipinas - World eventhough her interview was very interesting, I give her props for the gutsy attitude haha. CLICK ME to view the video and see for yourself.

In Love.

The day you appeared I lost my heart
To you, to love.
And from that day I cannot part
From you, from love.

You hold me tight
To you, to love.
In my thoughts all day and night
Of you, of love.

I offer all that I have to give
To you, to love.
And all my days I want to live
With you, in love.

Happy 2nd!

I caught up with two of my batch mates in elementary at the mall (it was a 3-day sale) and they stopped my tracks and asked, "Kayo na ni Pete??? So kelan na ang wedding???" I giggled and told them the story in a compressed 10minutes talk. They were both very happy and said that Pete and I deserve each other. They asked a couple more questions for clarification and then walked away. I smiled. Mhen... showbiz news travel so fast. One day you announce it to one person and then the next it's all over the gossip magazine already both here and abroad.

I'm indeed an unpredictable woman, no more Miss Martyr for me. I'm sick and tired of playing games, games I later on regret. Now, I'm hoping this is the real deal already. So far so good, long distance relationship is doing great and I'm actually happy with everything. It's been only 2 months of missing him yet I wanted to fly to Dubai already to see and hug him ever so tightly. He's busy, I'm also busy but we make it a point to communicate. He does a lot of extra efforts just to make me feel loved and cared for.

I know it's been only 2 months but it feels like we have been together for a long time. Holding on to something like this is very hard, but I don't mind holding on now, because I'm sure there's something to hold on to now with Pete.

Yeah, this is the in-love m0ieee talking right here. Happy 2nd h0n! Love you. Thanks for calling me 3 in a row today. Extra sweet is always a plus. Miss you honey. Do take care ok, and more to come for us! I can't wait to be yours forever. Mwah!

Uhmm..

I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately. Probably because of the freakin' finals but I guess it's more than that. Not only stress about school but everything else I guess. I'm missing people. People I love and care about. It's hard being away from them, when they have problems, I can't do anything to make them feel alright or way better. Words don't really mean anything unless there's action involve. It's just half-meant most of the time. Anyway...

I still have 2 finals coming up, one for tomorrow and another one on Monday. After that, it's holy week. Wow, time flies by fast. Soon it'll be April already and start of the Summer semester. Geez, nonstop! But finally, I'll be on my 3rd year. Cool. Although it sucks coz they will rank us by the accumulated grades we have since 1st year and so we'll be placed in different sections according to the final ranked grade we have. And it'll be blocked section until the senior year. Meaning the classmates and friends I have now will no longer be my classmates next semester and the semesters to come. It'll be an adjusting period again for me if that'll be the case. I'm sure I'll belong to one of the higher sections which I hate coz it's pressure out there man, it's more nicer to belong in a lower section coz at least the instructors won't expect too much from you.

Oh well. God will make a way always, so I trust Him. Wish me luck guys! Gracias. :]

PS. h0n, luv yah don't work too hard. take it easy langga. mwah!

The Letter "M"

This was from Ms. Kathie's posts. It's kinda fun! I have a whole lot of different names so I'll use the one I'm known as "M for m0ieee"

Instructions: Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Must be places or name, nothing made up. You can’t use your own name for boy/girl’s name question. If you can’t answer, skip to next one.

1. Famous Singer:
* Madonna, Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, Mandy Moore, Mary J. Blige, Mario, Michelle Branch, Michael Buble, MYMP (hehe!)

2. Four Letter Word:
* mile, more, miss, mall,maze, mutt, mill, mule, mole, mass, moss, mess, mice, mite, milk (blah blah etc..etc.. hehe dami!)

3. Street:
* Mabolo, Madrone (our street!)

4. Color:
* midnight blue, maroon, mauve (chaka naman to! hehe)

5. Gifts/Present:
* medallion (haha anu un harry potter o d ky lotr! hehe) MONEY!?!?! haha da best!

6. Vehicle:
* mitsubishi, mercedes

7. Things in Souvenir Shop:
* mittens? haha la akong maisip although madami ang "M" ha.

8. Boy Name:
* Michael, Mark, Melvin, Marvin, Marcus, Mario

9. Girl Name:
* Melissa, Marie, Mary, Margaret, Melanie, Mae, Molly, Marimar!?! hehe

10. Movie title:
* Gosh hirap nito ha coz u actual think! haha. Men in Black, (The)Mummy, Madagascar, Maid in Manhattan, Monster in Law, Manchurian Candidate, (The)Matrix, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Meet Joe Black

11. Drink:
* Mudslide, Maple juice, Mango shake, Melon juice

12. Occupation:
* Medtech, Medrep

13. Celebrity:
* Mary Kate Olsen, Marilyn Monroe

14. Magazine:
* Metro

16. Sports:
* motorcross

17. Fruit:
* mango, melon

18. Reason for Being Late to work:
* mall? hehe.

19. Something you throw away:
* uhm.. mice? hahaha!

20. Something you shout:
* mutha****** baddd! hehe.

Try it bloggers, its cool.

Bits of sacrifices.

This was helluv a busy week indeed especially for me because I had to do a lot of reports but thank God it's almost done already. We only have one more reporting on Monday and then I can now concentrate on the finals which is on the March 13, 14, & 17. I will start studying na nga after this I guess because there's a lot of coverage this finals plus the achievement tests on some subjects pa. Konting tiis na lang makakpagpahinga na rin naman this Holy week. Kaya lang after that week naku balik pasukan na naman for Summer semester! Hahaha. Buhay narsing talaga o! Bat pa ako nagaral muli kung rereklamo lang din naman ako! hahaha, but I'm not. Actually I'm liking nursing life here in the P.I. there's a lot of wonderful and bitchy experiences all at the same time, I'm soo lovin' the drama it brings!

Anyway, changing topic, I'm missing home, missing my mum, dad, sibs -- maica and koi. I miss bringing mum to work, miss dad's snorring that can be heard for a solid one mile block radius (haha kiddin'), miss waking up in the morning looking for the clothes I wanted to wear for the day and then finding out my sis' already wearing it (nice one sis!) and of course miss calling my lil broh "bby" and he always sleeps in my bed when I'm around, my human teddy bear (hehe). They both miss my experimental cooking and my mean sandwiches I'm sure of it! I hope they come visit this summer or even just my mom to attend my capping this August I want her to be here. She's my secret weapon to all my strength, the one who's always enthusiastic to listen to my everyday talks even though she's tired and busy.

Haii.. this blog is making me cry. I'll never get over this "hard to live independently" syndrome of mine because I've always been close to my family, I hold them all together. I mediate everything and see to it that every once or twice every week we have to have alone time as a family, go travel to places together and or even just spend time eating lunch or dinner, having bbq at our backyard or watching movies together. Man, I wanna go home.

PS. Thanks for the gudmorning call "h0n" so sweet of you. I love you.

My h0n..

Aaaahhhhh maloloka ako sa ka busyhan sa school! Ganito talaga kapag malapit na ang summer, mas dumarami ang mga pinagagawa sa mga estudyante! Hehehe I am getting to notice na para atang tinatamad na ang mga teachers na gumawa ng lesson plan kay reporting style usually lagi sa finals hahaha joke lang po sa mga Maam at Sir dyan! Dami kaming reporting ngayon, kanina lang natapos na sa wakas yung isa, tapos meron na naman next week sa isang klase. Hai buti naman sana kung hindi ako ang laging leader edi ok lang, pero para atang wala na silang nakikita pang ibang tao sa Group 1 which is where I always belong (alphabetical kasi eh) So ayun leader leaderan na naman ang lola nyo. Minsan although merong added points ang pagiging leader eh mas mabuti pang ibigay ko na lang sana sa iba kasi hindi na rin naman sapat sa effort na binibigay ko. Tapos yung mga ibang teachers pa eh parang hindi pa kontento sa report! Sila na lang kaya magreport. hehehe!


Anyway, miss ko na honeybunch ko... Aba hindi nagparamdam since this morning nagpa check attendance lang kanina sa akin by texting me na he arrived at his office na (which is by the way he always do and I think it's so sweet of him.) tapos wala na hanggang ngayon. Hmm.. magoonline pa kaya yun?

Oh yeah FYI to ya'll bloggers out there, I have a new boyfriend his name's Peter, bilis noh? I know, hindi ko ma explain, there are some things we just can't explain in this world. Baka sabihin nyong hindi na ako nawalan at masyado pang maaga to jump into another relationship again pero iba eh, hindi ganon. Actually, the history behind this blossoming relationship was that, he courted me before kaya lang hmm I didn't picked him for reasons that we were far away from each other and we haven't seen each other (except on webcams) for almost 13 years, the last was elementary graduation. Hahaha yeah we were gradeschool classmates. We weren't close before, I didn't even know he liked back then. Pero sabi nya he did hehe. Anyway to make the story short, last year lang kami nagumpisang mag keep in touch through YM and Friendster messages kasi he is currently working in Dubai. Sa Friendster nga nya rin nga ako nakita muli. And when I added him, hindi na nagstop kakasend ng message ang mokong hanggang sa hindi ko namalayang nanliligaw na pala cya. Hehehe!

Pero sympre to anyone who ever known me maski sa mga blogs ko, diba as in anti-LDR(long distance relationship) ako, plus pa na we haven't seen nor met again for how many years seemed so vague to me to even be in a relationship with this guy. Natatakot ako na baka niloloko nya lang ako o pinaglalaruan. But I really like him too, and I have to admit he makes tremendous efforts just to make me believe na he's serious about us. Siguro kaya ko cya binasted noon was because I found him "TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE." Pero I do like him. At nafeel ko rin naman na totoo ang feelings nya for me. And he even proposed to me (take note nanliligaw plang ha!). So ayun, ever since I did that to him, hindi pa rin cya nawalan ng pag-asa, maski pa nong nagkaroon ako ng bf. He still keeps on communicating with me, and sometimes nagpopour out pa rin cya ng feelings nya sa akin. Sabi nya sa akin, hindi daw cya magigive up hanggang sa time na kailangan na. Although masakit sa kanya still he always makes it a point to buzz me at YM or from time to time message me at Friendster and sometimes even comment here on my site anonymously.

January of this year came and I remembered na he told me once nung nanliligaw pa lang cya na he would show me how serious he is by going home January. Aba, at umuwi nga naman talaga ang lolo dito 2 months ago. Hehehe. Eh galing rin akong Cali noon from Christmas break tapos derecho ako ng school that day na talagang feeling ko nandito na cya sa Pinas. Oh diba may pa feeling2x pa akong nalalaman! haha. Para kasing alam mo yun, I'm wishing and hoping at the back of mind na sana he would contact me. But then since sympre sa ginawa ko sa kanya parang malayong mangyari yun. But still I hoped. Who knew that day pareho pla kaming iniisip. He called up. And the rest was history.

Love has its own way of coming back to where it truly belongs. When I saw him in person for the first time in almost 13 years (Jan 8, 2008 @ Coffeebreak Gen. Luna St. IC), you know how you get butterflies in your stomach and you are feeling uneasy or the "i dunno what to do or say" kinda feeling... Yeah, I felt that. Ni hindi ko cya matingnan ng derecho. I can't believe he is there beside me already. That's where I knew, my feelings wasn't fooling me all these months. It's been real ever since.

He proposed again a 2nd time. This time his family knows and he also asked his pop kung ok na ba kung magpakasal cya. Ang sabi ng pop nya, "basta si moieee lang, ok talaga sa akin." And his pop said that same story to me to when we were driving home from the airport as we dropped Peter off. Yeah you can say me and his dad had a little chat that night and I understood their side more.

And now, 2 months later, he's back in Dubai and I'm back cramming for quizzes and exams. But so far so good. Bilib nga ako eh, eventhough he has heck of a lot work to do, he manages to have time for me, maski konti lang na chat and he calls naman every so often. Basta ma feel ko lang na he is serious about everything and he loves me very much! Which he does! No questions asked. Hopefully he can come visit when my parents go home mid of this year. Para naman ma meet nya na. Gusto ko kasi before anything else, ma meet nya muna family ko. At least hindi sila mabibigla kaagad sa mga susunod na mga mangyayari. Haiii love.

I love you hon... missing you already! (oh btw, he's here na, we are chatting at this very moment and he's tired and all because of this upcoming event na e-hohost nila. Poor him, wish I was there so I could comfort him there). Anyway, gudnite everyone!