Empty.

After watching Eat.Pray.Love, I felt empty all of a sudden. I don’t know why I felt that way, it’s probably because I can relate on some of the things the character learned throughout her journey like being afraid to love, always running from things that she cannot handle, being afraid to move forward and having a hard time leaving the past behind, etc. Now I want to have my own adventure like that someday too, but hopefully it won’t be because I got divorce or made an awful wrong turn in life. I want an adventure where I am most happy and most content. I was supposed to go to a birthday party of my friend’s son this afternoon but unfortunately due to lack of transportation to get there (I’m sharing my car with everybody at home because its the only one working), so I had to stay home and just amuse myself with a movie marathon with my kid brother (Despicable Me and EatPrayLove). I should have just watched Despicable Me and stop because EatPrayLove made me do all those things literally except Love after watching it. Hayyyy.. Am I the only person, very fortunate to be here in US right now who doesn’t want to be here nor live here at all? Greener pasture, better future? Why can’t I see those points. I’m miserable heck. And when I’m miserable and lonely, I keep myself busy by tidying up my room, changing my old bedsheets and curtains and getting rid of the clutter then I lay on my bed and stare blankly at the ceiling and listen to the airplanes that pass by every 15-20minutes or so. The airport is just 15minutes away from our place that’s why. It pains me to just hear it and not be in it. Now I’m going to sleep still feeling the emptiness inside of me. If only God will give me a sign. But I know I cannot be selfish for there are many out there who is more in need of His help. February is closing in, ahhh I’m old.