On mobile.

I wish the world would just spin faster get to my happy ever after.

So I am choking down my usual order of venti caramel macchiato here at Starbucks, while typing down this post in my phone. Oh I sooo love wi-fi, they truly make my life less ordinary than it already is and I do not have to carry my heavy laptop with me everytime like I used to. I remember my American friends would always tell me, "You're soo geeky, totally flip Ce! Good thing you don't wear glasses or it should have been perfect!" hehehe. I just can't live without my laptop that's all. Just rob my wallet but never my laptop seriously hehe.

Actually...kidding aside, I'm down today. I'm sad. I want to keep a straight face like I usually do, but I just can't hide it today. I didn't know reaching for something you really wanted when there's the opportunity already can be frustrating as not having an opportunity. No schools will dare accept me. Rejections here and there. It's sooo BS and full of crap, all of them had the same reason; the same lame excuse, I didn't see the point -- I'm beginning to believe that the educational system in that country (won't tell where) is very stereotypical, wtf.

I'm so fed up already to the point that I asked Him last night when I was driving home, "What did I ever do to upset You? What do You really want me to do? What else do I have to do, to sacrifice just so You can give me a chance to redeem myself? Tulungan Nyo naman po ako please" I know I don't have the right to question Him, but I just want to get that across. He's the only decent person I can talk to and can really help me. I stopped infront of the church last night (since it was closed) and just cried. I was already crying while I was driving, (shit I didn't realize how hard it is to drive misty-eyed btw) I don't understand anymore.

It's hard to hold up, it's hard to pretend everything is alright when truly it's not and it's hard to pose as a strong happy lady when definitely pain is crippling me into pieces.

Calling all angels... I just need a sign or two, on what to do. *big heavy sigh*