Coffee Break.

I don't usually drink coffee. I should say "rarely" instead of usually. Out of the inquisitive idea that coffee gives you stimulant to continue your stressful work, I imbibe it once a night already because I need extra hours to stay awake. Today nothing much happened at school, it was good coz there were no quizzes and whatever surprises. But the dreaded Midterms is only 3 days from now.

Last night, as I tried to keep myself awake from all the studying I've been doing, I just decided to buzz and disturb online peeps on my messenger since my busy bodied boyfriend went log off all too suddenly and called up saying he's in some mall already yesterday. I chatted for a couple of minutes to some people I know, I envied some for going somewhere or have gone to places already this summer. Actually I've received a lot of invitations this summer. Several of my friends from Cali, went home and they invited me to go to Pearl Farm in Davao, Amanpulo in Palawan, in Batanes, Vigan, Tagaytay... blah blah blah! Enumerating all of those stings my heart because I've been wanting to go there since I got back here but haiii... how will I do that when all I face now are these damn books! Even Boracay, I haven't been yet for so long now almost 10years!

Dream on m0ieee.. hehehe eventhough I will have the time later on to visit, it's money-wise that I don't freakin' have. Bummer. If only there's just more decent jobs for undergrads rather than call centers, I'd probably have one for my personal allowance. Gosh, not that I'm complaining, really I'm not and it's fine, but it's been a while already since I bought my last pair of shoes, shirt, kikay accessories and more. I don't even have an allowance that I can save because the money for bills and whatever expenses at home and concerning my sick grandma, aren't enough. So the only everyday expenses for my own would consist of my lunch and jeepney fare. Other than that, it's all window-shopping for me.

Hmm.. whatever, as long as I can still eat meals for the day, then that's all that matters for now.

Mom.

My mom and I had our weekly video calls yesterday. We mostly talked about school, love and friends. She asked how my tortured life as an elite member of the star section was, how am I holding up and stuff. She laughed when I told her how I gave my privilege speech in front of the class about my "LPN" life; how after that speech, people in class started warming up to me more, treating me more as one of them already (which I will never be an alien ever.. hehe asa pa sila!). But at least it wasn't as bad as I think it was from the start anymore. Actually, I've heard worst from my friends who are in other sections.

We talked about Pete, she asked me about his job and why he's there; about his family, if he's the eldest or the youngest that kind of stuff and when he's coming back here in Lilo to visit again. I told her stories about how Pete gets a wee bit paranoid when I'm out of the house at night or not yet home when I lapse my "Cinderella" curfew, when I get home late from school, or when I'm not online and out somewhere and haven't told him when circumstances come that I don't have a load. I told her how he calls everytime we have a misunderstanding, may it be my fault or his, either way he doesn't care, he still manages to call. I told her that Auntie describes our relationship as "expensive" coz everytime I can't reply to one of his messages either IM or SMS, he calls (and mom laughed at this thought). She told me that dad asked her, like 3 or 4 days ago when they were about to sleep, "Do you think Mye has a boyfriend already?" and mom answered, "Yeah I guess she has one. He's in Dubai." and dad asked what he does there, how we met and mom told more about what I told her about Pete. She said dad made a joke on some parts and they laughed, which she doesn't wanna tell me what was it that dad said that made them both laugh (baddd hehe but I know its a good thing when dad jokes).

Although I'm a daddy's girl, I rarely open up to him, we are more like travel buddies, me and dad. We are explorers. There are times when he would catch me home and looking bored and he will just say to me to change coz we'll go somewhere, to which this "somewhere" of his doesn't really consist of "a place" basta lang we can get out of the house and drive till the gas is running empty. We either go check out a new food place or new store, or new city and just go around road tripping. I'm more open to mom because I know she understands more about this mushy stuff. I also told her that I gave her number to Pete, and she said to tell him that she may or may not answer it because she can either be sleeping or at work. Which is what mostly consist her day. But to tell him that he can leave a voice message if he wants to. I asked her if I can stay here December and spend it with Pete instead and will plan to go on vacation or something it depends pa. And she asked where we'll be going and I told her about the miles I've accumulated that is expiring early next year. "Probably 'round Asia, not sure pa naman" I told her.

I have to admit. I saw mom happy that I'm happy telling this to her. I have this precious gift of reading people's faces and I saw, as I was telling here all these, that I am serious about everything. And about Pete. Coz she's know very well how I am when I'm not interested or serious about a person, I tell her and then I stop you can't get more from me. But she saw and felt that when I talk about Pete, I'm more spontaneous, it's like the words just comes out freely from my thoughts. Hehehe, I can talk nonstop for hours.

*Big encouraging sigh* Haiii.... I just hope and pray that this is one of those moments in my life (which aren't that many) where I can look back and say:

"good decision m0ieee!"

U complete ME

As of 1:10am, my honey called. Awww... I was just thinking about him as I was trying to sleep na. Hmm..(hindi gid cya magpalibak bisan sa mind ko lang ah hehe) he is sooo sweet no doubt about that. I can't help but get used to his sweetness, his love, his trust and his care. Hindi talaga nagkukulang ang honey ko. Hmm.. that's why whenever my friends ask me whether he's the one na, I don't have to think twice about what I'm going to answer them. My mind is made up already.

I love u Pete.. very much sweetie.. And always remember, I will never love anyone as much as I love you right now. You are showing me each and everyday that you're not taking me for granted even though alam mo ng I'm yours na sa wakas. You still continue to take care of our relationship, making extra efforts pa nga para hindi na ako mawala pa sayo. I really appreciate everything honey. I'll always keep this efforts of love close to my heart. I'm proud of u sweetie coz you're proving to me that you are capable of loving me this much and no one else. Minsan I can't help but think about your past, pero you're always assuring me naman na the man I'm loving now, is not the same man in your past anymore.

Thanks for loving me like this honey, thanks for giving your true love to me. Kasi ang sagot naman ng puso ko, "d ka nagkamali ng taong mamahalin ng ganito" hon... Coz I will love you the same way as you love me. And capable for more too. *hugs and kisses*

Privilege Speech.

The weirdest thing happened to me in class today. Nagbida-bidahan na naman ang lola nyo ng d oras! Kasi dahil sa wala na akong maisip na example kahapon sa reporting ko edi sympre ang inexample ko na lang ang own experience ko sa hospital sa Cali. Tpos ewan ko na lang kanina out of the blue, Maam Lauro asked kung sino nga daw ung nakapagstudy at nagkapagwork na dun sa states. Tapos ang mga magagaling kong mga classmates eh sabay turo sa akin!

Ayon, pinatayo ako ni Maam sa gitna ng class at pinakwento ako ng mga experiences ko sa hospital. At ano daw ba ang mga responsibilities of a RN, LPN and other health professionals sa isang hospital dun. Nagkwento ako ng mga new technologies na ginagamit dun at kung ano ano na lang na maisipan ko. Eh hello, on the spot nga eh! Haiii naku, kung saan pa to sanang low profile ako, eh heto na naman at hindi pa rin nakawala. But at least, sa ganung paraan, napansin kong I actually gained some respect na ngayon. Yung mga classmates kong parang kala mo kung sino eh ngayon eh pa smile-smile na sa akin.

Now all I have to do is study my ass off for this freakin midterms coming up next week! I need to prove myself that I belong in this group maski this semester lang. Ok nga yun eh, at least kahit one semester lang, I belonged to the star section, para naman kakaiba! hahaha. Haii naku, who am I kidding!?!? It's super pressure noh. I'm just counting on the days left for the semester. 3 weeks more na lang. Kakayanin!

How's my honey's day kaya today? Lam nyo naman, friday is his day off, at pati rin ako, day off na rin yan sa akin kasi bihira ko lang cya makausap basta friday kasali ako sa friday ritual nyang hindi nagpaparamdam sa world, even to me! But it's okay, I got used to it. Nagaalala lang ako dahil umaga na rin ata yun nakatulog kasi meron pa syang meeting, tapos meron pa syang hinintay na tao ng mga midnight na rin, hmmm... not good pero I do trust him so I let him be. He knows what he's doing naman. And he knows I love him very much.

Anyway... I'm going to sleep mostly tomorrow morning, kasi I'm staying up late again tonight because of too much paper works that needs to be done and I'm a night person, so my brain works better at night than waking up early in the morning.

Hmmm... I'm craving again. Ice cream. But having lost 10lbs in 20days, nahhh forget the ice cream. hehehe!

Missing You.

dedicated to my one and only love, Pete :D

Have you ever bothered to realize
how much you mean to me?
I care so much for you inside
and miss you so deeply.

My mind is always curious about
the way things might have been.
As days go by and time goes by,
I look back once again.

All the time I held you in my arms,
I had the whole world right there.
There you were, comforting me with
all of your charms.

Every little kiss from you
was like a dream come true.
This love that I have inside my heart,
it all belonged to you!

It's funny, all those little things
I never thought I'd miss,
Like all those conversations we had,
or the first time we kissed.

I guess that what I'm trying to say,
is I miss and love you more each day!
It hurts me not to see you,
or not to know if you're ok.

I want you to understand
that I loved you from the start.
And I want you to know,
no matter how many miles
we may be apart,
you'll always hold a special place
in my heart.

Damn.

First of all, Happy 3rd h0ney! I didn't know if he remembered though, but like he said, he doesn't like greeting monthsaries so I let him be, I don't want to argue even though I'm not agreeing to his reasons. I like greeting every month coz it measures how far you've been together and how time flies by when you least expect it. These months are critical months to a prosperous 1 year, so this shouldn't be ignored for me. Anyway...............

OMG, my week has been super busy! Busy in a sense that I keep breaking down and keep whining about it. To sum up all my normal night's sleep this week, will only be consisting of 5 hours (1 hr each day). Everyday, I merely drag myself to class and wish, 29th of May will come soon and let all this be over. My first quiz was a pain to think about, I'm pretty sure I didn't do well and I really don't care either.

My patience has been shorter these days, I can just snap angrily at you once you can't understand me, or I can just stare at you blankly and not say anything at all, or I'll just tell you I "understand" you to avoid any more arguements and any more chitchats because I get irritated easily.

And plus, I've been consoling this childhood adopted kuya of mine, who got so crashed and torn down to pieces when he and his fiance broke up and to think they were already living together (live-in). He is suicidal already because according to him, she was his true love and he gave her all. He endured a lot of pain and suffering just saving this relationship but in the end, they still broke up despite everything he's done. And I knew the moment he talked to me about this tragic love story, that God wanted him to seek my help because I am one of the few people in his life who he listens to, even though we argue more because of clashing stubborn mentalities. But he do listens and tries to incorporate it in his life.

Haiii, I can't even solve my own problems, yet I still help others with their own set of problems, it so ironic, DAMN.

*lonely... so lonely right now and the song update I have here in my blog is my desert for the moment (Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis)*

One of those days.

I broke-down today. I wasn't able to handle myself together. I was overwhelmed by how the class went by. Most of the students were really good. It was different from what I was used to, laid-back, fun class. Back there, all were pretty serious, and into their own game. I broke down because I felt I didn't belong there. Why was I placed there anyway? Did the clinical instructors see the same attitude those other students have in me? Was I that uptight as well? I really don't think so.

I was ready to walked out in the middle of the discussion because I felt bad about myself but I didn't just to save my face from making a fool of myself. I feel so incompetent. I didn't like the pressure. And that is major pressure right there. I hated it, everything! After class, I directly went home seeing I don't have anybody there to talk to since I was the only one from our section before, that was placed there. I sent a mass text message to my school friends and they tried consoling me but it really didn't help at all.

Then when I logged on in my messenger, my big broh (close friend), Jm, IMed me what's the matter and I told him and then when he sermoned me about making a deal outta a small thing I just snapped angrily at him saying that I don't need any sermon and it's not just a small thing for me, maybe for him, but never for me. But I regretted and said sorry right then, I didn't mean to, I just wanted somebody to listen and just let me be angry and upset. I'm glad he understood and didn't take my angry snaps at him seriously. He said sorry and that it's a normal reaction when upset. He told me that he understands why I was mad at myself. And he did have a point. He told me that since I'm an over achiever and somewhat a control freak, so when things doesn't go like I wanted it to, and feels like I don't have control over something, I tend to lose my temper, and break down.

Hmp, I hate it when he's right. He told to relax coz I'm the only one pressuring myself, and he said the instructors put in that hell section because they see something potential in me, worth developing just like every person in that section. I was just to stubborn to see beyond everything else. I mellowed down and I told him that I'm a rest for a while coz my eyes hurt from all the crying and said thanks.

Anyway, I also chatted with my mom and told her too. She said to do everything one step at a time. And don't get carried away. And I finally told my mom that I have a new boyfriend, and explained to her why the last one ended and why I have a new one all of a sudden. I also told her that Peter proposed already and showed her pictures of us. She just smiled and laughed. At least that part is done already. I can't wait for them to meet him. I love you h0n! Miss u today.

Well gotta start taking down notes for class. Ciao for now!

So far, OK.

So it was the dreaded first day of class this morning. But it wasn't that bad as I expected it to be. The clinical instructor who was the known "terror" was indeed our teacher. She even told us that, that was the first and last we'll see her in quite a good mood. So not only do I belong in an alienated section, I have an alien for an instructor as well. Boy this is going to be a surprising summer semester indeed! My classmates were okay-looking, I mean, they haven't transformed yet or was it because there were just a few of us who attended the first day. Well see.

But so far, okay. I mean I have to be independent all over again because I don't know anybody there and as if most of them knew each other already so I was like, oh well so what. Anyway, thank God it's Friday tomorrow, at least I can catch up on the assigned reading for Monday. Sucks coz we are the only section that started classes today. The others won't have it until Monday. Blah, blah and blah I have to quit whining already hehehe!

The heat was blazing hot today, it was crazy dude!

Updates from my close friends in Cali : Well, my guy friend in Cali, Dom, already found a school in Manila and so he is going to nursing school here in PI just like me. Good for him, at least he can concentrate more here than back home where there's work and work and work. While Dee, has her own place in San Dimas already and her aunts and uncles are now in a retirement home. Good for her. And she said she and her guy co-worker whom she dated couple of months back is now her boyfriend. While Jen, has a new ride, and I think she's getting married soon, they are just saving up I guess. So I'm glad everything is alright with them. They miss me, Jen was planning to have a slumber party over at Dee's house and so they wanted me to come home already hehehe! Silly them. I miss them too, their loudness most especially. Without me to balance the loudness with some quiet time, they're always in chaos. hehehe! Good chaos.

So that's it for the day. Early to rise tomorrow for school. *Big sigh* Nyt everyone! Hope everyone else is having a good summer. Ciao.

*I miss my honey. Love you sweetie!*

Friendster Bulletin

written by my one n only honey...

♥Sometimes: i cry so hard b4 i slip

♥No one realizes: that i change a lot
bcoz of this B.E.A.UTIFUL gurl n my lyf

♥Friends think: "i dont think if they
are thinking of me".hahaha

♥Tonight I: il go home early and iron
my clothes.

♥It is hard to believe: that me and
her against the world.hahaha.robin n
cris

♥I realized that: im not supposed to
tease my hon.

♥Obviously: we both luv each other.

♥I can not stop: celine for luving
me.hahaha

♥Its hard to tell: that luv can make
you go crazy

♥The only person: that understands me
is celine

♥My life: blooms whenever im wid her

♥I can not stand: on my own without my
hon

♥I need: a hug from my hon

♥I love: my peewee and celine

♥I should: chat now with my honey

♥Tomorrow: longsleeve day for my
meeting..yuk!

♥I cant wait until: DECEMBER....2012
honey..hahahaha

♥I miss: my hon so much

♥My parents: are extraordinary very
tallented fool


♥My friends: are f****n idiot but you
can rely on them.hehe but not all of
them,.hehe

♥Valentines Day: lapit sa bday ni hon
koh.

♥Love is: celine, celine and celine.

♥School: sucks but dont follow me coz
im idiot.

♥The best food: for me is roast
chicken and roast chicken and roast
chicken.

♥Everyday: im thinking of my honey.

So much for Low Profile.. *phew*

What a Friday!!!

I was on my way to school this morning when I got a text message from my buddy, Nes, that 2 lists of sections were up on the board for viewing already. And guess what??? I belong to SECTION A.

You might think I'm jumping up and down with this, I mean I passed and I'm off to my 3rd year in Nursing and to think I got in the star section of the department, but heck no! I don't like it at all. At least my classmate friends understood my "disagreement" on this topic, coz they know that being in section A means "super pressure." And what's funny? I've been dreaming about this day and it really did happen and those classmates on my dream? They are indeed my classmates. And these are no ordinary classmates, they are those super nerds in the other sections, those people I dreaded, those students who's a walking health care book, those who grind their teeths because of competitiveness.

I didn't mean to be an high achiever, it just comes out naturally for me I guess, and now, I have no choice but to face this as a challenge. My friends named the others as aliens and us as the predators. We are out to save the world from these freaks.

Haii... so Section A it is.. Anoh pa nga ba?!