My lola didn't make it 24hrs. 11:45pm last night, my lola passed away peacefully in her hospital bed. I will be in hibernation for a while since I have tons of things to do during the burial and everything. My family in the states will surely come home, my dad is probably going home earlier than my mom and my sibs since they still have classes till the 5th of June. We are going to pick my aunt who's in Cebu at the airport later around 8:40am. She doesn't have any idea about grandma yet because dad strictly said that we will inform her as soon as she gets here in Iloilo where it is safer and at least what ever happens to her (fainting or whatever...) we can surely be there to take care of her.
I can't sleep, it's already 5am. Damn.. my dearest lola is gone.
5/14/08
Fighter.
I was still at school when my lola (grandma) was rushed in the emergency room this morning. Diagnosis: pneumonia, sepsis, and possible renal failure. She was critically ill when they came in the ER; hypotensive (low blood pressure), chest pain and dyspnea (difficulty breathing). Lab results came and infection was so high, her blood count was a shooting 64,000 from a normal value of 10,000. When my class ended, my cellphone was bombarded by tons of messages from my aunt in Cebu who was already in panicky state. I told her to calm down because she has a tendency to hyperventilate herself and I worry about her too. So, I hurriedly went to the hospital and when I got there, lola's nurse aide looked like she just cried. I knew right there and then that this was indeed serious. But before I could take a peek at my dearest grandmother, the nurse ushered me to sign a consent form because the doctor ordered a central venous offensive catheter to be inserted in the brachial site. They need to cut down, slice open the site in her arm and place a tube inside to help closely monitor and measure the fluids in her lungs because of pneumonia. They need a close family member to sign it and I was the legal guardian.
I saw my grandma being prepared for the minor surgery, and it hurts. I tried my best to keep my tears from flowing because the aide was already crying her eyes out. I kept going in and out of the emergency room, sitting outside the hallway seats because I feel like I was going to faint from all this. My dad kept calling what's happening, my aunt was texting non-stop... I was the only one present there in case anything happens that minute. I can't help but think about how my dad or my aunt is at that very moment being away from their mom and can't do anything but wait for the result, wait for my updates.
But I wasn't able to control my tears when my dad called and really insisted me to place the phone in lola's ears because he wanted to talk to her. I can just imagine the pain my dad is feeling right now. I know he's tough, but I also know he won't be able to sleep. And my aunt is getting the first trip tomorrow so I hope the weather will cooperate. As for me? I'm hanging in here. I have a return demonstration tomorrow at school so I still have to try to concentrate on the procedures. But it depends upon this nasty weather, I won't be able to go to school tomorrow. The road being passed by is already flooded, knee-high when I went home just a couple of minutes ago. How much more now that it began to rain again. There are already rescue teams closely monitoring the overflowing of the river. Tsk.. Tsk.. Tsk..
But lola's a fighter, she always has been. Please help me pray for her health and safety.
I saw my grandma being prepared for the minor surgery, and it hurts. I tried my best to keep my tears from flowing because the aide was already crying her eyes out. I kept going in and out of the emergency room, sitting outside the hallway seats because I feel like I was going to faint from all this. My dad kept calling what's happening, my aunt was texting non-stop... I was the only one present there in case anything happens that minute. I can't help but think about how my dad or my aunt is at that very moment being away from their mom and can't do anything but wait for the result, wait for my updates.
But I wasn't able to control my tears when my dad called and really insisted me to place the phone in lola's ears because he wanted to talk to her. I can just imagine the pain my dad is feeling right now. I know he's tough, but I also know he won't be able to sleep. And my aunt is getting the first trip tomorrow so I hope the weather will cooperate. As for me? I'm hanging in here. I have a return demonstration tomorrow at school so I still have to try to concentrate on the procedures. But it depends upon this nasty weather, I won't be able to go to school tomorrow. The road being passed by is already flooded, knee-high when I went home just a couple of minutes ago. How much more now that it began to rain again. There are already rescue teams closely monitoring the overflowing of the river. Tsk.. Tsk.. Tsk..
But lola's a fighter, she always has been. Please help me pray for her health and safety.
5/11/08
Mommita..
Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
I never realized that I'd appreciate my mom more now because I'm miles away from her. Sometimes distance brings us good. Relationships are tightened even more. And I noticed I'm closer to my mom now, than ever before. I feel I can tell her everything, share her my ups and downs and won't dare hide my sadness or mood swings from her.
The only picture I have in my wallet is my mom's, the pic was taken back when she was still working in Bayshore Hospital, New Jersey and I was still 9 years old when I had that picture of her and is still in my wallet ever since. I'll let her see it when she come visit here in June. I'm sure she'll laugh at herself, looking all different. She was still skinny too on that picture! hehe...sorry mom *BIG GRIN* That picture is a reminder that my mom, worked hard just to get us from where we are now. Her and dad argued a lot when it came to migrating in the U.S., but we did anyway because mom knew it's a better life out there. It's not really for their personal gains, but really for their children's (our) future.
Right now, she still works in the hospital, working two jobs just to get us by. Although I sometimes feel sorry for her, being all tired everyday, but I did try my best to help around the things she should have also been doing, like taking care of my younger sis and bro and doing the household chores. I carried that load for her. And it wasn't at all easy raising two lil pestering kids.. haha, kidding guys, nahhh I love Jhayme n Koi. Though they give me headaches most of the time, I managed to mostly be there when they need me.
So to my dearest mom, thank you and I love you! Can't wait to bond with you again. Mwah!
Speechless.
Interesting week.
Earlier this week, I was surprised to get the highest score in our critical thinking exam. Damn, does that mean I criticize a lot better now??? haha, that's a first. I don't usually do well on those kinds of exam because I don't like reading pretty lengthy paragraphs and analyze, that bores me. But as I said, there's always a first. Probably I was just inspired. *big winning smile*
Later this week, I got my bug wagen back. Woohoo. I thought it was registered already but it turns out it wasn't yet. Dad said to ask my uncle in Bacolod about the full coverage insurance thingy first before registering it. So I can only use the car weekends where there's not much traffic aides roaming around. It has a weird color, my friends who saw "Kit" (that's the name my dad gave his first car, which is now passed on to me) that the color is cool. It shines especially at night, its like metallic during night time because the color is a very dark (weird) blue, that when at night it can be mistaken as black. Gosh, I dunno how to describe it really! haha!
Just see for yourself:
Anyway, just a while ago, I attended the wake of my fiance's sister. I really didn't wanna go for reasons that I'm such an introvert, and him not being here too, I actually don't know what to do. But because I know him better although he didn't force me or anything, I still had an inkling feeling that he did want me there. So I went discretely and brought my close friend, Nes, with me for a comfort zone. When we got there in the church I went directly to his dad, and extended my condolences. His dad still managed to introduced me to some of the people there too. Unbelievable really considering the condition. I just smile through the whole process.
Since I'm a very observant person, I have a lot in my mind that afternoon. Questions which he promised to answer when he gets home. Frankly speaking, I don't like attending wakes. Especially the final blessing parts and stuff coz that's where all the hard cries, sad pangs, melodramatic songs enter. Why? (hello?!? I'm a crybaby remember.. so I can't help but get teary-eyed too, and of course as I was observing everyone there, my mind floated to my fiance who is out there somewhere alone and wished I was with him at this very moment). *sad smile*
As we were on our way home, Nes, surprised me when she said, "Plangga ka gid man gurl sang future father-in-law mo ah, notice ko lang" (translates: "Your future father-in-law really do love you gurl, I noticed.") Probably because when we asked permission to go home, Tito placed his arm around my shoulders and pressed me near him almost into a hug, smiled, leaned his head on top of mine for a couple of seconds before he let go.
Aww.. sweet.. Speechless.
At that moment, I felt like family.
Earlier this week, I was surprised to get the highest score in our critical thinking exam. Damn, does that mean I criticize a lot better now??? haha, that's a first. I don't usually do well on those kinds of exam because I don't like reading pretty lengthy paragraphs and analyze, that bores me. But as I said, there's always a first. Probably I was just inspired. *big winning smile*
Later this week, I got my bug wagen back. Woohoo. I thought it was registered already but it turns out it wasn't yet. Dad said to ask my uncle in Bacolod about the full coverage insurance thingy first before registering it. So I can only use the car weekends where there's not much traffic aides roaming around. It has a weird color, my friends who saw "Kit" (that's the name my dad gave his first car, which is now passed on to me) that the color is cool. It shines especially at night, its like metallic during night time because the color is a very dark (weird) blue, that when at night it can be mistaken as black. Gosh, I dunno how to describe it really! haha!
Just see for yourself:
Anyway, just a while ago, I attended the wake of my fiance's sister. I really didn't wanna go for reasons that I'm such an introvert, and him not being here too, I actually don't know what to do. But because I know him better although he didn't force me or anything, I still had an inkling feeling that he did want me there. So I went discretely and brought my close friend, Nes, with me for a comfort zone. When we got there in the church I went directly to his dad, and extended my condolences. His dad still managed to introduced me to some of the people there too. Unbelievable really considering the condition. I just smile through the whole process.
Since I'm a very observant person, I have a lot in my mind that afternoon. Questions which he promised to answer when he gets home. Frankly speaking, I don't like attending wakes. Especially the final blessing parts and stuff coz that's where all the hard cries, sad pangs, melodramatic songs enter. Why? (hello?!? I'm a crybaby remember.. so I can't help but get teary-eyed too, and of course as I was observing everyone there, my mind floated to my fiance who is out there somewhere alone and wished I was with him at this very moment). *sad smile*
As we were on our way home, Nes, surprised me when she said, "Plangga ka gid man gurl sang future father-in-law mo ah, notice ko lang" (translates: "Your future father-in-law really do love you gurl, I noticed.") Probably because when we asked permission to go home, Tito placed his arm around my shoulders and pressed me near him almost into a hug, smiled, leaned his head on top of mine for a couple of seconds before he let go.
Aww.. sweet.. Speechless.
At that moment, I felt like family.
5/5/08
True Lab.
Nafeel nyo na ba yung sinasabi nilang, "true love"? Pwes kung hindi pa, wag magstop sa paghihintay o paghahanap nito. Coz I am telling you mga kapatid, it's worth it. D ko ma explain actually eh! Yan siguro pag totoo na ang nararamdaman ng isang tao. Totoong pagmamahal.
Yung bang mga lines na, "you sent shivers up my spine", or "you make my heart melt" eh talaga pa lang nangyayari. Bigla na lang may shock wave kang nafefeel kapag hawak nya ang iyong mga kamay, at parang halos pawisan na ang mga palad nyo at alam nyo ng mahirap magmaneho sa lagay na yan eh hala, hindi pa rin ninyo mabitiwan ang isa't isa.
Yung bang kahit ordinaryo na ang pagsabi ng "i love you" sa isa't isa pero nagagawa nyo pa ring ipa-feel sa isa na love mo nga talaga cya, at kung gaano mo pa rin ka-feel na sinabihan ka nitong matamis na phrase.
Ika nga nila, when you are "the world" to someone, or you consider someone "your world", then in-love ka na nga 'tol. Hindi simpleng ka inlab-an lang yan ha, kundi it's the real deal men. Yung bang tipong you'll accept the person not only maganda cya, cool cya kasama, gwapo cya, maporma, tantalizing eyes.. pero yung you'll accept the person's past, kung ano na cya ngayon at how you'll foresee being yourself with this person in the future. Yun mga kapatid, eh true love. Na kahit daanan ka pa ng supah sexy o yayain ka pa ng uber papa-bol, eh you wouldn't think twice of resisting any urges. Kasi you got pass it already, at wala ng ipekto na ang mga temptations na ito. Temptation will always be temptation but we always have a choice, tandaan nyo yan!
Hindi katangahan ang ma-inlove mga pipol. Ang mga nagsasabi lang nyon ay yung mga taong takot masaktan. Or takot sa "idea" ng tinatawag na "HURT." Remember, you can't achieve anything without stumbling down a few steps. So pareho lang din yun, the degree of the pain varies lang pero hai naku, nasasaktan ka pa rin noh.
Anyway, all I'm say is, I'm so much in love. Emphasis on the word, "so much."
Yung bang mga lines na, "you sent shivers up my spine", or "you make my heart melt" eh talaga pa lang nangyayari. Bigla na lang may shock wave kang nafefeel kapag hawak nya ang iyong mga kamay, at parang halos pawisan na ang mga palad nyo at alam nyo ng mahirap magmaneho sa lagay na yan eh hala, hindi pa rin ninyo mabitiwan ang isa't isa.
Yung bang kahit ordinaryo na ang pagsabi ng "i love you" sa isa't isa pero nagagawa nyo pa ring ipa-feel sa isa na love mo nga talaga cya, at kung gaano mo pa rin ka-feel na sinabihan ka nitong matamis na phrase.
Ika nga nila, when you are "the world" to someone, or you consider someone "your world", then in-love ka na nga 'tol. Hindi simpleng ka inlab-an lang yan ha, kundi it's the real deal men. Yung bang tipong you'll accept the person not only maganda cya, cool cya kasama, gwapo cya, maporma, tantalizing eyes.. pero yung you'll accept the person's past, kung ano na cya ngayon at how you'll foresee being yourself with this person in the future. Yun mga kapatid, eh true love. Na kahit daanan ka pa ng supah sexy o yayain ka pa ng uber papa-bol, eh you wouldn't think twice of resisting any urges. Kasi you got pass it already, at wala ng ipekto na ang mga temptations na ito. Temptation will always be temptation but we always have a choice, tandaan nyo yan!
Hindi katangahan ang ma-inlove mga pipol. Ang mga nagsasabi lang nyon ay yung mga taong takot masaktan. Or takot sa "idea" ng tinatawag na "HURT." Remember, you can't achieve anything without stumbling down a few steps. So pareho lang din yun, the degree of the pain varies lang pero hai naku, nasasaktan ka pa rin noh.
Anyway, all I'm say is, I'm so much in love. Emphasis on the word, "so much."
5/3/08
Sweet Man of Mine.
He walked into my life,
And swept me off my feet.
He took my heart to places
I thought couldn’t be reached.
That sweet man of mine,
Such a gentle soul.
His presence in my life, makes me feel whole.
This void I use to feel, now has been filled.
That sweet man of mine,
Has me positively thrilled.
I love the way he holds my hand,
The way he plays with my hair.
I love the way he whispers in my ear,
And tells me that he cares.
I love the way he caresses my skin,
The way he looks into my eyes.
That sweet man of mine;
To me, he’s a winning prize.
And swept me off my feet.
He took my heart to places
I thought couldn’t be reached.
That sweet man of mine,
Such a gentle soul.
His presence in my life, makes me feel whole.
This void I use to feel, now has been filled.
That sweet man of mine,
Has me positively thrilled.
I love the way he holds my hand,
The way he plays with my hair.
I love the way he whispers in my ear,
And tells me that he cares.
I love the way he caresses my skin,
The way he looks into my eyes.
That sweet man of mine;
To me, he’s a winning prize.
Aim high, Pinay!
Apparently there's a new way of saying goodluck to a person, it's now "aim high pinay!" hehehe taken from this tv commercial of actress, Judy Ann Santos. Well the supposed to be midterms yesterday was moved today due to valid reasons, and my anxiety level was at max this morning upon waking up. I couldn't take memorizing a bunch of chapters already so I merely read. Fortunately, the exam, I thought was going to be soooo difficult considering she's one of the "terror" clinical instructors in the 3rd year, was rather okay. "Okay" meaning I couldn't consider it difficult nor easy. Although I know I did have a lot of correct answers there so there's a chance I can pass the exam. Phew! At least that part's done and over with. I went home today feeling good about this day. Hmm weird I know considering I went home alone. I guess it's because I expected too much beforehand then during the actual thing I was like, "Whattaheck?" hehehe. But we'll see the results if I really passed it. And besides... if I pass, I'd have to treat the 8gbs for lunch. Gosh, I'd prolly start saving now, just in case u know! hehe.
5/1/08
Take it or Leave it.
OMG. The midterms is 7 hours from now and I still have 2 chapters to re-read again. I can't take it anymore. My eyes are twinkling already, and I have drank 2 sachets of coffee. This is some crazy shit right here. Not only was our instructor absent on the last lecture day (last Wed) before Labor Day but she added 2 more chapters that weren't discussed! Uuggghhh. I just hope and pray I'd pass this one. Although... there's only this slimmest chance of passing this now. From what I've heard from her previous students that it's multiple choice situational style, but hey I can't rely solely on that. But memorizing doesn't help anymore, so I am just reading and hoping some retains or whatever. Imagine having 7 long chapters, plus 10-pages back to back handouts all single spaced, yeah.... that is how brutal she is!
I'd be lucky to get out of this one this semester. Or I'll be off to that dreaded school in Bacolod where my aunt's the dean of the college of nursing. OH HELL NO! No way will I ever be sent there. I'm pressured now, how much more over there where their eyes are more glued on me. Dammit. I gotta pass this. No...
I NEED TO PASS THIS, I mean.
Ps. Honey... you didn't have to do it. Ahaii... thanks so much for it! So very grateful. And I think I know what to buy with it too. Mwah! I luv yah!
I'd be lucky to get out of this one this semester. Or I'll be off to that dreaded school in Bacolod where my aunt's the dean of the college of nursing. OH HELL NO! No way will I ever be sent there. I'm pressured now, how much more over there where their eyes are more glued on me. Dammit. I gotta pass this. No...
I NEED TO PASS THIS, I mean.
Ps. Honey... you didn't have to do it. Ahaii... thanks so much for it! So very grateful. And I think I know what to buy with it too. Mwah! I luv yah!
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