Updates.

27th of May at 10:40am, my dad arrived here in Iloilo Airport. We went to the grocery store after lunch and proceeded in the province. That was the first time I saw my dad cried in buckets when we arrived and he quickly went inside the house and cried his heart out in lola's simple white with silver accent coffin. My uncle (dad's younger brother) and my aunt (dad's younger sister) were all crying as dad went inside. I can't stay longer than a minute inside the house seeing all my loved ones crying so I went out and told our men helpers to bring dad's luggages to his room. I also parked the car properly around the side of the house since dad just stormed out of the car when we were infront of the house already. I felt I needed to be the one in-charge since I know all they could ever think about is hurt seeing their mother passed away without them three not one of them, being near her during her last hours here on earth. But I know lola couldn't ask for more. She had been well taken cared of and she knew that her kids had supported her well till her last breath. She died without struggle and with peace of mind that when she's gone, everything will still be as it was used to be, and she has nothing to worry about.

That's is why it took me forever to write updates on my blogs because everytime I start writing, my tears automatically flows and I had to stop. Out of the her three immediate grandchildren, since my uncle and aunt were never married, me and my younger sibs are her grandchildren. I was the closest to her. I even got the height, the fair skinned color from her. My other aunts said that's why I was meant to be here when she passed away, because I was the most that resembled her. The beloved apo. You see when my family moved to the states, I was still here, my lola took care of me until I came and moved there too. Then when I came back last year, during those months were she was still able and well, I never fail to have her sermon as my breakfast, lunch and dinner when I came home in the wee hours of the morning from partying or from night out. She was on guard always and she doesn't sleep at all till I'm home safe. She was the splitting similarity of my dad in female version. I used to sneak out from her, pushing my old beat up volkswagen out of the garage so as not to wake her up and knew that I'm going out again, or Ill park my car a mile distance from our house so that she won't hear the engines since she has a very keen sense of hearing. She hears everything! *faint smile* Those were the days...

But when she became ill, although she still won't allow sometimes, I make sure I go home in a decent hour already unlike before that I could care less. I learned responsibilities of taking care of a loved one and it's been rough sometimes when she was being stubborn not to go to the hospital. I cry silently in my room whenever I've exhausted efforts of convincing her to go because I hate seeing her in difficulty. Gawd, I even hate seeing her in the emergency room with all the medical professionals swarming over her like she was some kind of a lab experiment. But the morning before she passed away, my car won't start. It is as if telling me not to go there in the ER. So I didn't. I went in 2 hours after, and found a cardiac monitor beeping in high levels. There I knew this was not an everyday scenario anymore. I also was asked to sign a consent for an invasive procedure which I never did before and though I am a nurse, at that certain point, it's as if I was a mere civilian asking what that procedure was for, although I knew perfectly well what's it for.

I was a grand daughter not a nurse at that certain point in my life.