What a Week!

At long last! This week I got to finish my scrub requirements, thanks to Maam Idemne! This means that I am finally inches away from graduating. I know it's supposed to be a joyful moment that I'm finally done with the scrub thingys..but it's really a mixed emotion. Being done with them also means that nothing's going to stop me from leaving..soon. Arrghh.

It's funny because I don't see many of my classmates anymore, we all became busy with our own lives from then on and it sucks because when I leave, not only will I not see them but they will just become a part of my 2nd college life memory and that's all there is to it. I will again meet another new set of people to love and cherish back in the states and be with my old friends back home too which I dearly miss. But it will never be the same again.

Oh gosh, it pains me to think about it, how much more blog about it huh. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, the sadness, the longing that it's nearly over; but we can't stop time and we have to step on and move on to another chapter, turn another page of our lives and I'd say bring it on! I may not have started this year right, but it doesn't mean it ends there. I am now wearing my positive thinking cap and I'd be embracing what lies ahead for me because ----------

"the only way to greatness is moving forward"

I'll be typing up my scrubs forms and meet the requirements and turn them all in hopefully this Monday. Then I'm going to hit the NCLEX books because I am going to take the NCLEX exam later this year so that I can finally work as US RN. Cool to hear huh! Yup it is and that's my primary goal this year, to grab that license and be the number one! Yeah beybeh! hehehe!

Too many things to do still. So I gotta park my laptop for the night and hit the sacks. Have a beautiful beauty sleep everyone! Happy Sunday!

Shit.

Drunk last Monday and look where it got me today. We had our final hospital duty today and it was awkward. At the corridors of the ward, when walking pass other wards, people stare, and I hate it when people stare. Some were asking me if I'm okay when they very well know the answer to their question at the back of their heads. But I didn't have an answer to a "How are you?" question this week anyway so I never answered but just forced a smile. I don't want to comment anymore because I noticed that the more I say something, the more people get confused.

But oooohhhhh weeeellll!

I can very well now see why my dad, the night before I left for the Philippines to get my B.S degree 3 years ago, advised me to be careful of the people in our hometown. He said, the draw back of being a US citizen or a green card holder living in the Philippines is that, people here would always tend to think that whoever comes close to us and or make friends with us or more than friends with us, are just using us because of our status... And those kind of people who think of those awful things are just envy that they aren't as close as those people who became closer to us. And one thing I've learn from him is looking and seeing beyond that, and allowing people to respect and love me how they want it to be. And getting to know them individually, so that I can distinguish a friend from a poser.

I now understand what he meant by that. I saw those kinds of people and I hate those people because they ruin happy endings. I'm so tired of drama. Someone said not to drown myself, but it's too late for that, I'm already drowning in my own misery and the only way to get out of this misery is to leave. And I'm about to, not a wonderful last moment of experience here in this chapter of my life but every past experience leads to a new one and I'm just going to look forward for that.

Sick n tired of this shit already. Wait..haven't I said this over and over!?!? Arrrgghh.

A Lot to Take in. Tsk.

School's finally over and Yehey for me, I've done my part and I'll be graduating this May. I am happy, really... but you know the feeling of not really bursting out of happiness kind of feeling? Yeah well, that's what I'm feeling right now and you probably know why.

Now that I'm done, I have no choice but to leave and go back to California for the second time around and for good. I know it's suppose to be great, living in the land of milk and honey, but that's how people who haven't live there say, for me it's different, it's really different compared here and for 3 years of my stay here in the Philippines it saddens me to leave those wonderful people I've met and those people who left a mark in my heart and helped me feel welcome here.

And yeah you can say that I've been here done that leaving part thingy but that was before, there's an enormous difference now, and leaving the second time around sucks and darn hurts. I've already established rapport and when your not so young anymore, it's already complicated when change is directed towards you. Now I have to establish another one of my winning self when I go back to Cali because it's a different ballgame out there but I'm pretty positive that I'd make it far and successful.

But right now, I'm just so bummed out, getting a call from dad that he already arranged my plane ticket back home and stuffs like that, and the date is really fast approaching so I don't know, mixed emotions really.

*BIG SIGH* Soooooooo freakin' sad dude..