Feelin' Alone

Before I write about how lonely I am, let me take this opportunity to thank God for the approval of my eligibility for testing. 3 months din ah, but thanks for giving me patience and strength to hold on and wait. Now, I'm more eager to review and pass this exam.

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I can't help but feel alone in this cold December weather. What a wonderful way to start this month --- crying. Am I self-centered? Because this word caused my self-esteem to go down the drain again. I don't know pleasing people I love can be a dagger piercing my heart. Kasalanan ko bang sobra akong mabait, na maski nilalait lait na ko hindi ko pa rin pinapansin kasi ayoko ng gulo? How far would I go for love? Pag-ibig pa ba to? Oh isa na namang sakit na parating? I wanted him to be the one but it seems that he doesn't understand me. Meron bang boyfriend na kung tatawag ka, kelangan nyo pang mag-set ng time and date para lang makatawag? Dba, kung nagmamahalan kayo any time pwede maski 1 minute lang? Because clearly, he's not like that. I just want him to be open to me, d na cya magtago ng kung anong mang skeleton sa closet nya. How will a relationship work if trusting each other is just an option? I just don't want to lose you again kaya cguro nagkakaganito ako. Minsan mo na akong iniwan, sinaktan, do you think ganun lang kadaling makalimutan ko ang lahat? I'm trying, but you seem to be rejecting me. You told me noon na pinapabayaan kita, tapos ngaun naman, ayaw mo rin kasi lagi akong alert sa lahat ng mga ginagawa mo. What do I have to do? What more? What else? Ano ba talaga? Gulong-gulo na ko. Kung d lang tayo engaged at kung d lang ako sooo proud to announced it to the whole world, d sana ako naiipit ngayon. I feel so alone. And you are not the only one who has an exam coming up, ako din. KSP lang cguro talaga ako, kasi miss na kita and wala talaga akong matakbuhan dito. Gusto ko lang ng may kakwento, may marinig na boses, ganun lang naman kasimple hinihingi ko. We have resources like I can call you anytime...but we are not using it. I'm sorry for causing you headaches. I'm tired na rin of my own headaches. So I'll just wait kung kelan mo lang gusto. I'm not gonna demand nor request anymore. Ayoko na kasing makarinig ulit ng mga masasakit na mga salita. Happy December 1st everyone! I hope yours was a good day unlike mine.