It is Love that gives me purpose
to change and grow and learn.
It is Love that guides me on this path
and helps me choose each turn.
It is Love that gives me courage
to stand against my fears;
to open up my heart to you,
to let you see my tears.
It is Love that gives me trust and hope
when little thing go wrong.
When distance stands between us,
it is Love that keeps me strong.
It is Love that offers harmony
and a friendship that is true.
How wonderful that I can share
a Love like this with you!
7/30/07
7/28/07
a 2nd Courser and from States.
Now I know why mah mum reminded me to be discreet about telling people that I'm from the states and all.
OMG... Last Friday was our first return demonstration on the components of universal precaution (handwashing,wearing of surgical cap,mask,gown blah blah blah) and of course holding on to an "A" last name is always a given to be the first on the list to be tortured. Hehe, why am I not surprise!
But it did went well, thank goodness the C.I.(clinical instructor) who got me was rather nice and patient. She even taught me a few tips and techniques so as not to confuse myself with so many procedures. It's been weird in the school lately. Or maybe I'm just paranoid but I think my professors and clinical instructors are observing me closely. Since I'm probably one of the top students, a second courser from the states...I have a feeling they are watching my every moves. Paranoid as I can be, I can't help but noticed that. I don't know other C.I.s' but they somehow acknowledge or know me. Hmmm. Nah..erase erase! I hope not. I hope they don't expect so much of me. You see not because I'm humble, but I just don't want to be recognized much, not really into the glitz and glam of school life though many crave to be, but I just don't want to be in those positions wherein they expect you to perform 100% in everything you do.
All I know is I'm doing the best I can. That's it. I even told my friend Nes, who's also a 2nd courser herself and she agreed too. She is the class chairman, our president in our section and she kinda feels the same way that professors and C.Is' are watching our every move. Damn this pressure. Haha. I'm not rooting to be on the top, it's just I study well I guess. I have all the inspirations in the world right now and everything is working well for me I guess. Dramas hehe. Maybe I'm paranoid.
Oh well it's still the prelims. Let's wait and see for the midterms and finals. Wooh!
7/25/07
Be Observant.
There are a lot to understand when it comes to girls' languages and signs. So GUYS! Pay attention closely to the following:
- WHEN i RUN AWAY FROM YOU -- follow me!
- WHEN i POUT MY LiPS -- kiss me!
- WHEN i KiCK -- hug me tight!
- WHEN i CALL YOU CRAZY -- I'm crazy for you!
- WHEN i AM SiLENT -- I'm thinking of how to say I LOVE YOU!
- WHEN i iGNORE YOU -- I want all your attention!
- WHEN i PULL AWAY -- grab me by the waist & tell me YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO!
- WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST -- tell me I'm beautiful!
- WHEN i SCREAM AT YOU -- tell me you love me!
- WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKiNG -- sneak up behind me & hug me tight!
- iF I DONT CALL YOU -- I'm waiting by the phone for your call!
- WHEN i SAY "i DONT CARE" -- I do care!
- WHEN iM SCARED -- hold me by the waist!
- WHEN i LOOK LiKE SOMETHiNGS THE MATTER -- kiss me & tell me everything will be alright!
- WHiLE i HOLD YOUR HANDS -- play with my fingers!
7/21/07
ZZzzzz...
Lazy Sunday mornings, I love. Just finished prelims and my mind is chillaxin' right about now. No exams to worry about, no recitations to be anxious about, etc. Well except maybe one quiz on Wednesday in lieu of our professor absence the other week where she was supposed to give a quiz to add to our prelim grade. So far my sleepless nights have paid off. Still on the top, wooh hope this stat maintains.
I miss my family back in Cali. They went to Florida last week, summer vacation of the kids and I wasn't there with them, bummer, I haven't been to Florida yet. I missed one of our family trips. You see where I got my, "lil ms. traveler" title??? From them. We all love traveling and that's one of the things I inherited from them. Which got me into thinking...maybe I'll tour around ASIA for awhile, since I'm already here anyway. hehehe. Just maybe.
Hmm.. I think I'll sleep again. The weather is soooo hot right now, I wanna go out and go malling or something but I change my mind. I'd rather stay inside. Now you know why people can only see me at night.. hahaha. Ciao for now!
I miss my family back in Cali. They went to Florida last week, summer vacation of the kids and I wasn't there with them, bummer, I haven't been to Florida yet. I missed one of our family trips. You see where I got my, "lil ms. traveler" title??? From them. We all love traveling and that's one of the things I inherited from them. Which got me into thinking...maybe I'll tour around ASIA for awhile, since I'm already here anyway. hehehe. Just maybe.
Hmm.. I think I'll sleep again. The weather is soooo hot right now, I wanna go out and go malling or something but I change my mind. I'd rather stay inside. Now you know why people can only see me at night.. hahaha. Ciao for now!
Inspired.
You came into my life unexpectedly,
and everything took a turn for the better.
Your warm eyes, your laugh,
the sincere way you speak,
and the kindness you showed me,
all became a part of my life.
As you unfolded yourself to me,
I discovered more and more beauty.
I have never seen so much
gentleness in one person.
Without even knowing it,
you were slowly making a place
for yourself in my heart.
It used to seem so hard at times
to feel so close in a relationship.
But it’s so easy to feel close to you.
I can’t tell you how nice that feels.
I realize now that I had never known
what it meant to be loved
until I was loved by you.
and everything took a turn for the better.
Your warm eyes, your laugh,
the sincere way you speak,
and the kindness you showed me,
all became a part of my life.
As you unfolded yourself to me,
I discovered more and more beauty.
I have never seen so much
gentleness in one person.
Without even knowing it,
you were slowly making a place
for yourself in my heart.
It used to seem so hard at times
to feel so close in a relationship.
But it’s so easy to feel close to you.
I can’t tell you how nice that feels.
I realize now that I had never known
what it meant to be loved
until I was loved by you.
7/17/07
Highest.
Oral Graded Recitation.
I hate oral recitations probably since I was born! Seriously!?! I can write a whole page and more of something as an essay type or whatever but to be standing infront of a crowd, not knowing what questions might be asked is what I fear the most. This morning, I felt ill like I was gonna puke or something. I can't seem to concentrate on reviewing my notes because I just can't take the fact that we have to have this recitation thingamajig. You can really tell I was nervous as heck.
1pm came and the oral graded recitation started. It was draw lots, our professor assigned us numbers and as he picks out and calls on our numbers, we are to proceed infront and pick out a question from a box full of neatly folded white lil pieces of paper questions. I was like...bummer, I was never lucky at draw lots. It's either I get to be picked on first or I get to pick out the hardest question from the bunch. And my hunch was indeed true. The question I picked out was never on the notes our professor gave us, he didn't even really discussed anything about the question I picked. Well except maybe I scanned it from a lab manual before or something but really didn't read much into it coz it wasn't in the coverage of this said oral recitation. Everyone inside the class was instantly quiet (and being quiet doesn't always mean a good sign) as I gave back the piece of paper I picked to our professor who went on and read my question.
I was like, omigod! I knew it. And I'm an A student of that class, so bumming was not an option at all. Everyone was staring at me as I stare back at them translucently as I nervously try to recall the littlest details of what I read in pasing from that lab manual weeks ago. 4.0 from not answering a question was already bugging my mind. I was like, whatever, I'll just say what I know, stored knowledge so to speak, and I delivered it. As I finished reciting what I knew was the answer to that question, our professor nodded and signalled to the whole class, HIGHEST (1.5). I was shocked. Not because I'm humble enough but really I was shocked because I, myself, wasn't even the least satisfied of my own answer. I'm like, "dang!" So therefore I conclude that, it helps when the professor recognizes you from being good in class or attentive coz when it comes to clutch times such as this, he/she doesn't just recognizes you from that point per se, but it goes back to how well you grasp things that may or may not be totally discussed to you.
A good feeling. I've never been at this position before coz back then, I was just contented and happy knowing that I passed. But now, this is like a motivation that maybe I can really do it, just by studying well enough, I can reach not only contentment but great achievement. Woooh! Whatta day.
I hate oral recitations probably since I was born! Seriously!?! I can write a whole page and more of something as an essay type or whatever but to be standing infront of a crowd, not knowing what questions might be asked is what I fear the most. This morning, I felt ill like I was gonna puke or something. I can't seem to concentrate on reviewing my notes because I just can't take the fact that we have to have this recitation thingamajig. You can really tell I was nervous as heck.
1pm came and the oral graded recitation started. It was draw lots, our professor assigned us numbers and as he picks out and calls on our numbers, we are to proceed infront and pick out a question from a box full of neatly folded white lil pieces of paper questions. I was like...bummer, I was never lucky at draw lots. It's either I get to be picked on first or I get to pick out the hardest question from the bunch. And my hunch was indeed true. The question I picked out was never on the notes our professor gave us, he didn't even really discussed anything about the question I picked. Well except maybe I scanned it from a lab manual before or something but really didn't read much into it coz it wasn't in the coverage of this said oral recitation. Everyone inside the class was instantly quiet (and being quiet doesn't always mean a good sign) as I gave back the piece of paper I picked to our professor who went on and read my question.
I was like, omigod! I knew it. And I'm an A student of that class, so bumming was not an option at all. Everyone was staring at me as I stare back at them translucently as I nervously try to recall the littlest details of what I read in pasing from that lab manual weeks ago. 4.0 from not answering a question was already bugging my mind. I was like, whatever, I'll just say what I know, stored knowledge so to speak, and I delivered it. As I finished reciting what I knew was the answer to that question, our professor nodded and signalled to the whole class, HIGHEST (1.5). I was shocked. Not because I'm humble enough but really I was shocked because I, myself, wasn't even the least satisfied of my own answer. I'm like, "dang!" So therefore I conclude that, it helps when the professor recognizes you from being good in class or attentive coz when it comes to clutch times such as this, he/she doesn't just recognizes you from that point per se, but it goes back to how well you grasp things that may or may not be totally discussed to you.
A good feeling. I've never been at this position before coz back then, I was just contented and happy knowing that I passed. But now, this is like a motivation that maybe I can really do it, just by studying well enough, I can reach not only contentment but great achievement. Woooh! Whatta day.
7/9/07
Ouch.
I can't change who I am, and neither can you.
I stumbled into a blog, of a friend of mine. One who I very much considered closest to me. I guess because we had this arguement back in the days that she had written an entry that I had just read now, that stabbed my heart to the deepest. I never thought she, of all people would really care, 'how to be jealous' of me. When in fact her life isn't much any different from mine, she was just too preoccupied trying to compare herself to me when infact she doesn't need to.
But I've already noticed this, long before her deeper emotions have surfaced out in the open. But I can't do anything about it because that's the life I have. And it's not my fault it turned out better than hers or anybodys. I didn't designed my life. It was given to me by our Father the Almighty and all I can ever do is thank Him always. If she thinks I got the better half of everything then she should tell all her comments to Him and not to me. But I don't blame her nor anybody, I already knew it from the start anyway, that people would want to see me fall on my face so that they can laugh so hard that will make them feel good about themselves coz they will feel superior or less of a loser. People would root for me to fail so that they can change their perception of me that I'm not so perfect after all and again be happy about it because they will see a part of them in me, a part that is 'not perfect' with their own eyes. But I laugh at those people who'd want to be in my shoes because it's not at all happy endings for me and cutesy patootsy blah blahs everyday. Well, that's what they see I guess, ' a carefree moieee who ramps around like this pretty lil icon, who can have all the good things anyone wishes just at a snap of her pretty lil fingers.' Full of SHIT.
Thinking about all those is only their loss coz the more they do that, the more they feel insecure about themselves and the more they feel miserable. I share my own miserability if there's any word like that. Maybe not as miserable as comparing their life to me kinda miserable but as I said, no matter how miserable I'd be I always get up, solve it and move on. I don't linger and bitch about others if I'm feeling miserable. Why include them? Why bitch about other people who didn't do anything to you except be nice to you, accepts you of who you no matter what, and never fails to enjoy your company and most importantly trusts you? Who treated you as a sister, a trusted friend, and a companion? Why can't they accept the fact that each of us has a different life no matter how alike we are in ways or how we strive to reach the same point and goal in life. I don't believe people cannot change. We can if WE WANT TO and if WE STRIVE TO MAKE BETTER. And instead of peeping thru other people's lives, why not peep thru yours, maybe you'll see what I see. A person who just misunderstands herself because she feels like everyone is better. But what she doesn't know is that, all she needs to do, is open her heart because she has good friends who would care to listen, guide and support her all the way. One doesn't need to be the center of attention to get what she/he wants all the time. One needs to accept who they are and take it from there. Push your strong assets and you will go far. Never let the good of somebody affect you, because you yourself are also capable of that 'good.'
Never in my life did I find a friend so honest as you. And I don't mind the things you've said. Even if you want me to be mad at you, you know I can't and you know I won't. Because fighting never solves anything and most especially because, I consider you as a true friend eventhough you have ill-thoughts of me. I just wished that you would stop being like that, you don't have to compare yourself to me because that is the saddest thing a person can do to one's self. Me of all people. It hard to take in. Parang ako na mismo ang nahihiya sa ginagawa mo, thinking na whenever I feel hurt, or sad or have problems, deep inside you are laughing like a hyena. Coz your happy seeing me miserable right? But I'm not mad. But definitely I'm sooooooo SAD. I guess now you can really dance your victory dance because I'm miserable knowing all these.
7/3/07
Stop.
ayyyyyyyy grraaaabbbbbeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
Hindi ko na yata kakayanin ang mga pagsubok na binibigay sa akin ni Lord. I'm a woman of patience pero minsan nakakasawa na ha! Tigilan na to please. My lola's been hospitalized for almost 2 weeks na, tapos I'm having a hard time juggling school and errands in buying medicines at mga ano pang kailangang asikasuhin. Meron din namang pinapagawa sa akin ang daddy ko na kung ano-anong pinapabukas sa aking mga bank accounts. Halos lahat na yata ng banko dito eh, meron na ako. Tapos hirap pa magmanage ng pera, parang lagi na lang ata ubos, ako pa ang nagdadagdag minsan tapos pagagalitan pa ako, anak ng siopao naman talaga o! Ni halos wala na akong kinukuhang allowance eh.
Tapos dagdag problema pa ang personal life ko.
Lovelife...Kaya ayoko ng umasa sa ibang tao ng pagmamahal. Gusto ko yung kung may magmamahal man sa akin, eh yung talagang choice nya na mahalin ako, hindi yung ako pa ang aasa at maghihintay kung kelan nya to bibigay. Ayokong masanay tapos hindi pala makaya ang mga expectations ko sa love. Mahirap ako mainlove o mahulog. Kasi gusto ko kung ano ang pinapakita mo noon, eh ganun pa rin hanggang magpakailan man. Dont we all want that? need that? wish for that?
Friends...naku ha kakainis yung bf ng isang amiga ko, ako ang tinitira dahil nagaaway sila ng amiga ko eh pati ako gustong idamay leche kang alog (taga manila eh) ka! Buti na lang nirerespeto ko kaibigan ko kaya hindi ko pinapatulan yang lecheng yan! Baka makapatay ako oras na sumobra ang panglalait nya! Hindi nya pa kilala ang tunay na moieee, hindi at uumaatras to, maski lalake ka pa. Gung2x!
School...eto na lang ata ang OK at hindi pa naapektuhan (and I will try not to let everything affect this!) nabibilang ako sa isa sa mga top scorers sa buong sophomores. Yun na lang masaya na ako, kasi yun naman talaga ang inuwi ko dito, MAG-ARAL! at eto na lang ang last chance para maabot ko ang mga goals ko sa buhay. Minsan kasi sobra akong maalalahanin sa ibang tao na pnapabayaan ko na ang sarili ko.
Ganun ako kabait! Kaya ganito rin ang galit ko kapag feeling ko, wala ng natitirang konting consideration at paguunawa sa akin. Minsan naaawa nga ako sa mga taong close sa akin kasi dun ko sa kanila pinapalabas minsan. Sorry ha. Mahirap kasi ang nagiisa, hindi ako sanay na la akong maaasahan kundi ang sarili ko. Kasi ang mismong mga mahal ko sa buhay eh nagaaway pa at hindi nagpapansinan, cno kamo? ang daddy at ang auntie grace ko, away kapatid..panganay at bunso. Eh sympre sino ang kawawawa edi yung nasa gitna! AKO! kasi naman dalawa ang sinusunod ko ang daddy tapos ang auntie na close ko at legal guardian ko rin dito. Naku ha ang tatanda nyo na! haaaaiiiii kainis.
Minsan nga pagdating sa bahay, parang gusto ko na lang humiga sa kama, matulog at hindi na magising. Napapaisip ako, bakit pa ako pumunta dito kung problema lang din naman ang aabutin ko dito. Hindi na ako tinatantanan ng problema. Kahit saan binibuwisit ako! Homesick na nga ako, tapos lola ko nahospital pa, edi mas lalo ng walang tao sa bahay ngayon, wala akong makausap, wala akong makwentuhan ng araw2x... haiiii miss ko na mga kapatid ko, kahit engliserot engliserat yun at least if I need a hug binibigay nila...*crying*
Kaya tanong minsan ng mga kaibigan ko ba't lagi daw akong parating nasa labas, late na kung umuwi o lagi lang nagiinvite na kain dito, inom doon.. laging sagot ko naman "boring kasi eh" pero sa totoo lang gusto ko lang makakita ng tao, ng mga kaibigan dahil nalulungkot ako dito sa bahay, homesick tapos hindi ako sanay na walang makausap o mapakinggan. Hindi rin ako sanay na walang inaasikaso o walang ginagawa. Kaya kahit wala na akong pera, gusto ko pa rin lumabas kasi kahit papano masaya na akong makakita ng mga kaibigan. At least kahit 2 hrs o 3 hrs mawala ng saglit ang kalungkutan ko.
Matatawa at magugulat ang makakabasa nito na nakakakilala sa akin kasi hindi noticeable sa face ko na marami akong problema. Marunong kasi akong magtago, as much as possible ayaw kong mangdamay ng ibang tao. Kaya minsan etong blog lang ang only way to my true feelings.
Hindi ko na yata kakayanin ang mga pagsubok na binibigay sa akin ni Lord. I'm a woman of patience pero minsan nakakasawa na ha! Tigilan na to please. My lola's been hospitalized for almost 2 weeks na, tapos I'm having a hard time juggling school and errands in buying medicines at mga ano pang kailangang asikasuhin. Meron din namang pinapagawa sa akin ang daddy ko na kung ano-anong pinapabukas sa aking mga bank accounts. Halos lahat na yata ng banko dito eh, meron na ako. Tapos hirap pa magmanage ng pera, parang lagi na lang ata ubos, ako pa ang nagdadagdag minsan tapos pagagalitan pa ako, anak ng siopao naman talaga o! Ni halos wala na akong kinukuhang allowance eh.
Tapos dagdag problema pa ang personal life ko.
Lovelife...Kaya ayoko ng umasa sa ibang tao ng pagmamahal. Gusto ko yung kung may magmamahal man sa akin, eh yung talagang choice nya na mahalin ako, hindi yung ako pa ang aasa at maghihintay kung kelan nya to bibigay. Ayokong masanay tapos hindi pala makaya ang mga expectations ko sa love. Mahirap ako mainlove o mahulog. Kasi gusto ko kung ano ang pinapakita mo noon, eh ganun pa rin hanggang magpakailan man. Dont we all want that? need that? wish for that?
Friends...naku ha kakainis yung bf ng isang amiga ko, ako ang tinitira dahil nagaaway sila ng amiga ko eh pati ako gustong idamay leche kang alog (taga manila eh) ka! Buti na lang nirerespeto ko kaibigan ko kaya hindi ko pinapatulan yang lecheng yan! Baka makapatay ako oras na sumobra ang panglalait nya! Hindi nya pa kilala ang tunay na moieee, hindi at uumaatras to, maski lalake ka pa. Gung2x!
School...eto na lang ata ang OK at hindi pa naapektuhan (and I will try not to let everything affect this!) nabibilang ako sa isa sa mga top scorers sa buong sophomores. Yun na lang masaya na ako, kasi yun naman talaga ang inuwi ko dito, MAG-ARAL! at eto na lang ang last chance para maabot ko ang mga goals ko sa buhay. Minsan kasi sobra akong maalalahanin sa ibang tao na pnapabayaan ko na ang sarili ko.
Ganun ako kabait! Kaya ganito rin ang galit ko kapag feeling ko, wala ng natitirang konting consideration at paguunawa sa akin. Minsan naaawa nga ako sa mga taong close sa akin kasi dun ko sa kanila pinapalabas minsan. Sorry ha. Mahirap kasi ang nagiisa, hindi ako sanay na la akong maaasahan kundi ang sarili ko. Kasi ang mismong mga mahal ko sa buhay eh nagaaway pa at hindi nagpapansinan, cno kamo? ang daddy at ang auntie grace ko, away kapatid..panganay at bunso. Eh sympre sino ang kawawawa edi yung nasa gitna! AKO! kasi naman dalawa ang sinusunod ko ang daddy tapos ang auntie na close ko at legal guardian ko rin dito. Naku ha ang tatanda nyo na! haaaaiiiii kainis.
Minsan nga pagdating sa bahay, parang gusto ko na lang humiga sa kama, matulog at hindi na magising. Napapaisip ako, bakit pa ako pumunta dito kung problema lang din naman ang aabutin ko dito. Hindi na ako tinatantanan ng problema. Kahit saan binibuwisit ako! Homesick na nga ako, tapos lola ko nahospital pa, edi mas lalo ng walang tao sa bahay ngayon, wala akong makausap, wala akong makwentuhan ng araw2x... haiiii miss ko na mga kapatid ko, kahit engliserot engliserat yun at least if I need a hug binibigay nila...*crying*
Kaya tanong minsan ng mga kaibigan ko ba't lagi daw akong parating nasa labas, late na kung umuwi o lagi lang nagiinvite na kain dito, inom doon.. laging sagot ko naman "boring kasi eh" pero sa totoo lang gusto ko lang makakita ng tao, ng mga kaibigan dahil nalulungkot ako dito sa bahay, homesick tapos hindi ako sanay na walang makausap o mapakinggan. Hindi rin ako sanay na walang inaasikaso o walang ginagawa. Kaya kahit wala na akong pera, gusto ko pa rin lumabas kasi kahit papano masaya na akong makakita ng mga kaibigan. At least kahit 2 hrs o 3 hrs mawala ng saglit ang kalungkutan ko.
Matatawa at magugulat ang makakabasa nito na nakakakilala sa akin kasi hindi noticeable sa face ko na marami akong problema. Marunong kasi akong magtago, as much as possible ayaw kong mangdamay ng ibang tao. Kaya minsan etong blog lang ang only way to my true feelings.
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