Ouch.

I can't change who I am, and neither can you.

I stumbled into a blog, of a friend of mine. One who I very much considered closest to me. I guess because we had this arguement back in the days that she had written an entry that I had just read now, that stabbed my heart to the deepest. I never thought she, of all people would really care, 'how to be jealous' of me. When in fact her life isn't much any different from mine, she was just too preoccupied trying to compare herself to me when infact she doesn't need to.

But I've already noticed this, long before her deeper emotions have surfaced out in the open. But I can't do anything about it because that's the life I have. And it's not my fault it turned out better than hers or anybodys. I didn't designed my life. It was given to me by our Father the Almighty and all I can ever do is thank Him always. If she thinks I got the better half of everything then she should tell all her comments to Him and not to me. But I don't blame her nor anybody, I already knew it from the start anyway, that people would want to see me fall on my face so that they can laugh so hard that will make them feel good about themselves coz they will feel superior or less of a loser. People would root for me to fail so that they can change their perception of me that I'm not so perfect after all and again be happy about it because they will see a part of them in me, a part that is 'not perfect' with their own eyes. But I laugh at those people who'd want to be in my shoes because it's not at all happy endings for me and cutesy patootsy blah blahs everyday. Well, that's what they see I guess, ' a carefree moieee who ramps around like this pretty lil icon, who can have all the good things anyone wishes just at a snap of her pretty lil fingers.' Full of SHIT.

Thinking about all those is only their loss coz the more they do that, the more they feel insecure about themselves and the more they feel miserable. I share my own miserability if there's any word like that. Maybe not as miserable as comparing their life to me kinda miserable but as I said, no matter how miserable I'd be I always get up, solve it and move on. I don't linger and bitch about others if I'm feeling miserable. Why include them? Why bitch about other people who didn't do anything to you except be nice to you, accepts you of who you no matter what, and never fails to enjoy your company and most importantly trusts you? Who treated you as a sister, a trusted friend, and a companion? Why can't they accept the fact that each of us has a different life no matter how alike we are in ways or how we strive to reach the same point and goal in life. I don't believe people cannot change. We can if WE WANT TO and if WE STRIVE TO MAKE BETTER. And instead of peeping thru other people's lives, why not peep thru yours, maybe you'll see what I see. A person who just misunderstands herself because she feels like everyone is better. But what she doesn't know is that, all she needs to do, is open her heart because she has good friends who would care to listen, guide and support her all the way. One doesn't need to be the center of attention to get what she/he wants all the time. One needs to accept who they are and take it from there. Push your strong assets and you will go far. Never let the good of somebody affect you, because you yourself are also capable of that 'good.'

Never in my life did I find a friend so honest as you. And I don't mind the things you've said. Even if you want me to be mad at you, you know I can't and you know I won't. Because fighting never solves anything and most especially because, I consider you as a true friend eventhough you have ill-thoughts of me. I just wished that you would stop being like that, you don't have to compare yourself to me because that is the saddest thing a person can do to one's self. Me of all people. It hard to take in. Parang ako na mismo ang nahihiya sa ginagawa mo, thinking na whenever I feel hurt, or sad or have problems, deep inside you are laughing like a hyena. Coz your happy seeing me miserable right? But I'm not mad. But definitely I'm sooooooo SAD. I guess now you can really dance your victory dance because I'm miserable knowing all these.