One of those days.

I broke-down today. I wasn't able to handle myself together. I was overwhelmed by how the class went by. Most of the students were really good. It was different from what I was used to, laid-back, fun class. Back there, all were pretty serious, and into their own game. I broke down because I felt I didn't belong there. Why was I placed there anyway? Did the clinical instructors see the same attitude those other students have in me? Was I that uptight as well? I really don't think so.

I was ready to walked out in the middle of the discussion because I felt bad about myself but I didn't just to save my face from making a fool of myself. I feel so incompetent. I didn't like the pressure. And that is major pressure right there. I hated it, everything! After class, I directly went home seeing I don't have anybody there to talk to since I was the only one from our section before, that was placed there. I sent a mass text message to my school friends and they tried consoling me but it really didn't help at all.

Then when I logged on in my messenger, my big broh (close friend), Jm, IMed me what's the matter and I told him and then when he sermoned me about making a deal outta a small thing I just snapped angrily at him saying that I don't need any sermon and it's not just a small thing for me, maybe for him, but never for me. But I regretted and said sorry right then, I didn't mean to, I just wanted somebody to listen and just let me be angry and upset. I'm glad he understood and didn't take my angry snaps at him seriously. He said sorry and that it's a normal reaction when upset. He told me that he understands why I was mad at myself. And he did have a point. He told me that since I'm an over achiever and somewhat a control freak, so when things doesn't go like I wanted it to, and feels like I don't have control over something, I tend to lose my temper, and break down.

Hmp, I hate it when he's right. He told to relax coz I'm the only one pressuring myself, and he said the instructors put in that hell section because they see something potential in me, worth developing just like every person in that section. I was just to stubborn to see beyond everything else. I mellowed down and I told him that I'm a rest for a while coz my eyes hurt from all the crying and said thanks.

Anyway, I also chatted with my mom and told her too. She said to do everything one step at a time. And don't get carried away. And I finally told my mom that I have a new boyfriend, and explained to her why the last one ended and why I have a new one all of a sudden. I also told her that Peter proposed already and showed her pictures of us. She just smiled and laughed. At least that part is done already. I can't wait for them to meet him. I love you h0n! Miss u today.

Well gotta start taking down notes for class. Ciao for now!