My Capping Day.

Finally, the capping, pinning and candle-lighting ceremony is done and over with. Congratulations to me, I'm capped already signaling that I am half-way to becoming a nurse. Actually, the event was a bittersweet memory for me. I found it hard to take in seeing those happy parents walking their children proudly towards the stage to be capped and pinned. I really wished my parents or even just my mom was here to witness this event because first and foremost, I owed this 2nd chance of opportunity to them and I wanted my mom to feel proud of all those times back then when she was trying to convince and annoy me non-stop to proceed and take up Nursing because so far, it did me well. Nevertheless due to the regression in the US, she was unable to come eventhough she really really wanted to. (gosh I'm tearing up again sheesh..)

Anyway good thing my aunt who works in Cebu, was here to make things better. At least, second to my parents, she's the closest family I have, my second mom and spoils me alot due to the fact that she is as I quote her say, "I'm forever single and loving it". Hahaha, thanks Auntie!

My dad promised they'd all be here when I graduate in 2010. Of course that one is compulsory already. :)

Canceled.

It's been raining cats and dogs here in the province. They said there was a storm but wasn't really centered here but still we are somehow affected. We had capping practice yesterday but today's practice was canceled due to heavy downpour. Gladly, there was no flooding whatsoever. The province is still recovering from the "Frank" disaster, another storm is greatly unappreciated.

Since today's practice was canceled I woke up around 11am if not for the fact that I felt hunger surging in my stomach already hehe. I ate a little brunch and then took a shower and proceeded to pay house bills so as I have something to do. I texted my friend and she was around the vicinity as well and so we decided to meet up afterwards and stroll around. Then I received a call from BPI reconfirming my account since the car payment is supposed to be automatic deduction from my account but due to numerical errors then needed me to sign another paper and so I visited their business center as well.

We decided to have a snack break at Coffeebreak coz we were both thirsty. To our surprise, we ran into our friend as well and the three of us stroll around Marymart Mall looking at cellphones, shirts and bags. Just looking. Hehehe. Coz me and my friends, planned to go out after capping this Friday and the theme of our night out to make it more interesting is to wear a dressy top, dressy meaning no tank tops or rib tanks or kamiseta looks, it's all out show some skin and clavicles kinda top. We are going inside the new FLOW so we gotta look good and oh it's also the first time of one of our friends to experience this night out thingy. haha. yeah, a newbie! weeehhhh!!!

Hmm... my hon just called saying he can't chat tonight, bummer. Oh well, I'll sleep then, and wake up early tomorrow, it's practice day again hopefully it doesn't rain anymore.

Ciao guyz.. have a sweet night to all!

How many of these SIGHS do I still need to have?

From Thursday to Sunday, damn! No activity whatsoever for me! Jeez.. how long can I take this turmoil? Tsk.Tsk.Tsk. I'm so bored outta my brains right now. They say, if you don't have anything to do, just stay home, arrrggghhh, I feel useless when I'm home. I plan things to do, but I never get to do it because I'm too bored to even do it. It's never conducive to do anything productive here around the house. For one thing, there's nobody to talk to but my online friends on YM and there are days when there's really no one to talk to there, they're all "I'm mobile". Yeah, makes me think more that I don't have a life.

Now that money's tight, I don't go out much anymore unless it's an errand or an important thing at school in order to save gas money. I don't text much either to save load. It's all about save, save and save for me right now coz I don't have anywhere else to get money from and I also want to save the hassle my parents are having because of the economic downfall of US right now. Although the dollar rate is going back up again, well it's different back there. I'm so concerned with things back home. I wish I could go back and work to help them. I can't bare talking to my sister telling me about having no allowance and instead of having Friday/Sunday family movie nights like before, they just stay home now to avoid expenses.

And it hurts to hear all these. My aunt is concerned, after breaking to her the news that mom can't come home to attend my capping, she was sad, she knew how I really wanted someone to be there although she will attend, but we both know its different to have someone from home present. But she understood as well as I do about the crises we're having. She is even willing to divide her food allowance for me, but I said no. "I can eat here at home", I told her. I don't need to eat outside all the time. I can bring food from home to school and eat at the canteen during school days. It sounds pitiful, but hey, sacrifices for my family are a big thing for me. It's okay to save on my part, than let my lil sis and bro feel the scarcity of things. And I'm sorry I can't be there. I know and I'm pretty sure when I'm there at least they feel a bit relieved that no matter how ill economy can get, they can still have fun because I can bring them to places and we can just enjoy traveling to places and take pictures with lil or no money at all. Gosh, I miss home.

(tears falling down my cheeks once again)

An Idiot's Guide to Love

(written by an idiot for my fellow idiots)

Only you can say what love really is for you, but then maybe I can help you define it by telling you what I believe it is not.

Despite what most people think, love isn't selfless. You don't love for the sake of other people. All emotions are selfish, self-centered. No one can force you to feel anything other than what you really feel. Emotions never lie, people just misinterpret or disregard them.

LOVE CAN'T BE LEARNED.
You can't "learn to love" someone you don't love. You just delude yourself into liking them.

LOVE ISN'T ALMS.
You don't love someone because you feel sorry for them. That's not love. That's just pity.

LOVE ISN'T NEED.
It's not love when you expect the other person to fill a gap in your life. If that need disappears or is filled by something or someone else, then the supposed "love" disappears too. If you love someone because you want security or happiness or contentment from him or her, you're not going to get those things if they're not within you in the first place.

LOVE ISN'T COMPLETION.
You're already complete as you are, you just need to discover and acknowledge it. It's not love ig you think you need someone to feel complete. If that feeling doesn't come from you, you're not going ro get it anywhere else.

LOVE ISN'T JUST A FEELING.
It is both felth and known. Your emotion and reason must be in sync. "Love" without reason is just lust or shallow attraction. "Love" without emtion is simply justification and rationalization.

LOVE ISN'T JUST IN THE PRESENT.
You have to love who that person was and who that person will be.

LOVE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
It's not supposed to wreak havoc on your life. It's supposed to inspire you into being the best possible version of yourself.

The Point Is?

I'm sad today, kinda moody in a way because as I got to school around 7am, I received a text from mom that she can't attend my capping ceremony this 26th of Sept becoz dad said it was due to financial insufficiency. I feel bad for her too becoz last year till earlier this year she kept babbling about going home to attend this event by hook or by crook. And she even took a leave of absence already, but dad's final word to both of us was, "NO."

I wanted to cry when I read the text messages I got from both of them, one from mom telling me to convince dad, and i tried convincing afterwards, and then another text from dad, telling me that as much as he wanted to let mom go, there's not enough budget for the trip and promised that they would all be home to attend my graduation 2 years from now. I'm mad in an unselfish way becoz I knew that we had a lot of expenses these past few months, especially from the passing of my grandmother last May of this year, and the many expenses from the hospital bills as well.

It's just that I feel so bad. This is one of the important events that's going to happen in my darn life and neither of them is going to be a part of it. I know that I'm too old to be emotional on things such as this since I'm already a 2nd courser anyway right? But your wrong, as much as I don't want to admit it but all this, I owe so much from them. This whole thing started from a very serious arguement and I gambled in order to get where I am now.

Oh well, but dad only says things once and all are final. I understand, I can always feel the insufficiency, living everyday wherein money seems to just vanish in minutes. Heck I don't even have an allowance anymore, unlike before. Now, I budget everything tightly, sometimes wishing I have some left for myself. I can't blame dad nor mom nor the past events that brought about this. I know if we had enough, I'm pretty sure mom will be here in a jiffy.

But tables turn sometimes. And right now, it's not siding me nor us.

I'm just glad to get by somehow. Coz in this kind of problem, I'm so sure people whom I've helped in this kind of problem turned their backs on me when I asked for it at some point, so why bother.

Decode His Strange Dating Behaviors

1. WHEN HE MONOPOLIZES CONVERSATIONS....
He might be more nervous than egomaniacal. Smitten men often brag to try to prove that they're good enough for you. Interject with your own stories. If he's a quality dude, he'll listen up.

2. WHEN HE FAILS TO MAKE A MOVE....
The truth is, guys have gotten so many mixed messages about how to fast to push things physically, they can get insecure and freeze up. If you want things to progress, you may need to give a subtle green light by grabbing his hand or leaning in for a kiss.

3. WHEN HE OVEREXPLAINS TO CANCEL PLANS....
At this stage, all you need to hear is a quick reason and an attempt to reschedule. Excess details could indicate that something's going on that he feels like he has to cover up (another girl, perhaps??). It may be an attempted blow off.