I was caught swimming in your direction again
You said "Hi" and I just embarrassly nod.
What was I thinking?
You actually noticed me today.
I thought I was invisible but you saw me
And somehow it felt good.. actually really good.
Off guard as I am, I do the same thing over and over again
Be shy, and hide, yeah damn right.
I have always known that if you like a person,
tell him that you do, right?
But boy, it's but easier said than done alright.
Darn, come to think of it,
You sometimes do regret, if you don't make a move.
Though as meek as I am, I'm kind of used to this situation anyway,
For it happens countless times and eventhough it does happen,
Still it doesn't seem to bother me if it passes me by.
You may think I'm not ready but believe me I do.
So what's keeping me away, you may ask?
Being hurt the way I did before, is maybe one factor.
No one really see that day coming but it did,
And sadly it happened to me.
So yeah, you're right, I'm afraid.
Scared as hell, traumatized as the setting sun,
Worser than the sunken ship.
2/26/05
2/20/05
WHY ARGUEMENTS RUIN A RELATIONSHIP
(inspired from my friend, Ria)
Its painful sometimes that no matter how long have been in a relationship with your current love... it's easy for arguments to ruin it and call it quits. Some may say it's just a spurt of fight or flight response that makes us vulnerable even with petty quarrels, but I'd say, it's more than that. When you're comfortable about your relationship you would want anything to preserve it... but sometimes one slips and falls taht causes jealousy and insecurity to kick in.
Trust is the main thing of all... though you know that you trust him/her still the feeling of doubt may still cloud over somehow. It's just a matter of talking things out that can shoo it away. Argumetns like "not calling of your whereabouts" or "being so overly protective" are things you can talk things through. But... tables turn sometimes. And when I mean it that way, oh boy! It's not really a good news. It means that the little above arguments have turned worse by digging up those past lousy memories and incorporating it again to the conversation. As an example would be the lines, "remember the time when..." and "you are not like this before..." blah blah blah and shit can make argumetns seem like forever. Believe me, it's like an old record playing in your grandma's attic when you come visit her.
Annoying as it is, the only way out is to forget about those past because that's why it's called "PAST" damnit! It should be non-existent pretty much. Past stuffs are those that had been argued about long time ago and is meant to be forgotten and forgiven already especially when it's pretty traumatic enough to handle. Embrace your trust to each other and it will never leave you two alone. Both people willing to trust themselves with each other, earns trust.
Nobody said relationships are always a grand time. Relationship is tackling life experiences side by side with the one you love. It's the risk all of us have to take when we fall in-love... so think about it!
Its painful sometimes that no matter how long have been in a relationship with your current love... it's easy for arguments to ruin it and call it quits. Some may say it's just a spurt of fight or flight response that makes us vulnerable even with petty quarrels, but I'd say, it's more than that. When you're comfortable about your relationship you would want anything to preserve it... but sometimes one slips and falls taht causes jealousy and insecurity to kick in.
Trust is the main thing of all... though you know that you trust him/her still the feeling of doubt may still cloud over somehow. It's just a matter of talking things out that can shoo it away. Argumetns like "not calling of your whereabouts" or "being so overly protective" are things you can talk things through. But... tables turn sometimes. And when I mean it that way, oh boy! It's not really a good news. It means that the little above arguments have turned worse by digging up those past lousy memories and incorporating it again to the conversation. As an example would be the lines, "remember the time when..." and "you are not like this before..." blah blah blah and shit can make argumetns seem like forever. Believe me, it's like an old record playing in your grandma's attic when you come visit her.
Annoying as it is, the only way out is to forget about those past because that's why it's called "PAST" damnit! It should be non-existent pretty much. Past stuffs are those that had been argued about long time ago and is meant to be forgotten and forgiven already especially when it's pretty traumatic enough to handle. Embrace your trust to each other and it will never leave you two alone. Both people willing to trust themselves with each other, earns trust.
Nobody said relationships are always a grand time. Relationship is tackling life experiences side by side with the one you love. It's the risk all of us have to take when we fall in-love... so think about it!
2/18/05
HURTING DEEP
(dedicated to pjc)
Be mad at me now
For I've done nothing but care
For I've done nothing but love
For I've done nothing but protect
The person that means so much to both of us.
Though trouble and harm was done
I still don't have the balls to face you
Because as much as I want to
I might just breakdown and cry
So it's no use.
It hurts coz you're my friend too, before then
You had my back every single time
And eventhough,
I didn't talk much, you know when I need you
And you never fail to cheer me up.
I hate this mess
Because I hate myself for blaming you
When I know all you did was care for her
But see, I missed the target
You didn't tell me, I struggled and had the wrong intuition.
Don't think I didn't loved you too as a dear friend
Don't think I didn't appreciate all the things you did for me
Don't think I didn't care as much as you did
Because alongside, you're a nice guy, little rough 'round the edges
Yet overall, sincere and nice no doubt.
But tell me, why does everything hurts?
Be mad at me now
For I've done nothing but care
For I've done nothing but love
For I've done nothing but protect
The person that means so much to both of us.
Though trouble and harm was done
I still don't have the balls to face you
Because as much as I want to
I might just breakdown and cry
So it's no use.
It hurts coz you're my friend too, before then
You had my back every single time
And eventhough,
I didn't talk much, you know when I need you
And you never fail to cheer me up.
I hate this mess
Because I hate myself for blaming you
When I know all you did was care for her
But see, I missed the target
You didn't tell me, I struggled and had the wrong intuition.
Don't think I didn't loved you too as a dear friend
Don't think I didn't appreciate all the things you did for me
Don't think I didn't care as much as you did
Because alongside, you're a nice guy, little rough 'round the edges
Yet overall, sincere and nice no doubt.
But tell me, why does everything hurts?
2/16/05
OH FOOL
Everythin's just a dead end
No choice, No nothing,
Miserable and lowly, I begin to taste
Life's ever passing cruelty put to haste.
Though it would be good
A second chance of a better life as it should.
In turn, endeavors just keep running after me
Face it Fool! yet you run away from it too.
Yeah, I remembered you did say move on
But why, why and damn why you came back!
Pissed me off? Crumbled and aloft,
Just leave me alone, please!
Wish we never met again
Wish we never talked for awhile.
Wish, wish wish I was there!
To not feel this way to not wonder off.
So everythin's just a dead end
Which is which, i cannot say
No choice, no nothing
Admit it, oh Fool.
No choice, No nothing,
Miserable and lowly, I begin to taste
Life's ever passing cruelty put to haste.
Though it would be good
A second chance of a better life as it should.
In turn, endeavors just keep running after me
Face it Fool! yet you run away from it too.
Yeah, I remembered you did say move on
But why, why and damn why you came back!
Pissed me off? Crumbled and aloft,
Just leave me alone, please!
Wish we never met again
Wish we never talked for awhile.
Wish, wish wish I was there!
To not feel this way to not wonder off.
So everythin's just a dead end
Which is which, i cannot say
No choice, no nothing
Admit it, oh Fool.
2/7/05
MY FAVORITE NUMBER
(featured on the "Random Thoughts Corner" of NewMaria)
I thought I got over you already, but when you showed up again 12 years later into to my semi-perfect life, I lost my ability to organize my thoughts again, it's like being back to the turmoil of thinking of you non-stop and of how after all these years you still know my whole name. Ironic when you said that you looked for me everywhere and how easily I believed you really did because as small as the networking can get, you still managed to find me in a free online service which I, at first, found silly to be even a member of it. But you've changed a lot didn't you? I can feel it... better yet I can see it from the thousand miles of distance we have from each other. I guess it was a good thing that we both are far from each other in location coz what if... we just live nearby all these years and without knowing that we did cross our paths on streets somehow you know, that would just be plain torture, wouldn't it? Yet I, being a hopeless romantic who believes in serendipity and fate and stuffs like that, wished we were near each other coz what if... you really belong to me and I to you and without really knowing that for sure, we would pass up the chance of really living the life destined for us.
But I can see your happy, happy where you are right now. I heard your friends talk about how you've done great things and I envy them for knowing who you really are while I just sit here and listen to stories I wished I had heard way way back before this moment. And how I wished somehow I was part of some of them too. 9 really is a crazy number. It's how old we were when we met and its how long memories had stagnated before us a year later. After that, I was always known to be a person who leaves special people behind either hurt or sad... and I don't want to be that person anymore so that's why I run and run from every opportunity there is in store for me in the love department. It's also why 9 is my favorite number, to remind me of you and to tell you... you're never forgotten as long as I live life my way.
I thought I got over you already, but when you showed up again 12 years later into to my semi-perfect life, I lost my ability to organize my thoughts again, it's like being back to the turmoil of thinking of you non-stop and of how after all these years you still know my whole name. Ironic when you said that you looked for me everywhere and how easily I believed you really did because as small as the networking can get, you still managed to find me in a free online service which I, at first, found silly to be even a member of it. But you've changed a lot didn't you? I can feel it... better yet I can see it from the thousand miles of distance we have from each other. I guess it was a good thing that we both are far from each other in location coz what if... we just live nearby all these years and without knowing that we did cross our paths on streets somehow you know, that would just be plain torture, wouldn't it? Yet I, being a hopeless romantic who believes in serendipity and fate and stuffs like that, wished we were near each other coz what if... you really belong to me and I to you and without really knowing that for sure, we would pass up the chance of really living the life destined for us.
But I can see your happy, happy where you are right now. I heard your friends talk about how you've done great things and I envy them for knowing who you really are while I just sit here and listen to stories I wished I had heard way way back before this moment. And how I wished somehow I was part of some of them too. 9 really is a crazy number. It's how old we were when we met and its how long memories had stagnated before us a year later. After that, I was always known to be a person who leaves special people behind either hurt or sad... and I don't want to be that person anymore so that's why I run and run from every opportunity there is in store for me in the love department. It's also why 9 is my favorite number, to remind me of you and to tell you... you're never forgotten as long as I live life my way.
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