Renewed.

I'm glad all are out in the open from now on. As the saying goes, no matter how hard you try to hide it, it will still come out. I feel so empty after the incident today. Revealing to my parents and staying and waiting in the E.R. for 6 hours for more revelations and bad news, I got exhausted. Coming home and talking again to my parents... SEPT 10, 2010 is indeed going down on one of my miserable memorable days. I don't want to do it again. I got phobia from it already. I'll do it again when I'm ready. When everything is planned. I don't want to rush things anymore because I end up hurt, and I lose. It made me realized a lot that I've been taking myself for granted all the time. I don't want to be taken for granted anymore. I deserve more than this. Now that it's over, I will try to make up for myself. I will wake up from all this, and move on to my first and foremost target: TO PASS NCLEX! I will not do anything else but review and study and prepare myself for the test. I will not see my friends for the meantime and just focus with only ONE goal in mind. November is my target month. I will not let myself drown in misery and longing and sadness. I will do what I have to do and the rest will follow afterwards. I can't wait for something to just magically appear infront of me. If love is rejecting me now, then maybe as time flies by it will come back to me eventually. I will work hard and focus. Brain first before heart. That's why they are anatomically situated like that because that's how it's supposed to be. I won't force anything or anyone anymore. I'm tired. I'll let them decide if they want to be a part of my life without me looking like an idiot and getting nothing but useless hurt. This is the new me. Renewed.