Happy New Year to ALL!!!

Hope you have a wonderful crazy year 2007 ahead!!! God bless to each and everyone of you and thanks for always supporting my blogsite! To all you bloggers out there, keep blogging and keep writing your stuff but don't ever forget to have a life, coz there's more out there than just facing an electronic.

Hehehe. Keep smiling. Keep your priorities straight people! Let's welcome 2007!!!

Hip Hip Hooray! ! !

love always,
mOieee

Over some smirnoff

I was bored today so I lurked around my friendster friends' profiles and pictures. I got sick of it after (I wasn't counting or anything but) 10 profiles I guess. Most of the profiles I've gone to are my friends who are in a relationship. hahaha, now you quite know why I got sick huh. Nakakainggit ang mga pictures sobra! Sarap naman ng merong kahug, kahold hands, ka-maski ano lang... Hmmm, napaisip tuloy ako, ayun nga siguro kulang sa malungkot kong mundo. Sabi nila, those who don't have a life, blog. Ang sabi ko naman, those who don't have a special someone, blog. hehe, sympre asa bahay ka lang palagi, wala kang date or wala kang pupuntahan except kung magkayayaan ang barkada.

Nakakamiss ang may special someone. Lambingan buong magdamag na magkasama kayo. Mag-usap sa telepono maski wala na kayong sasabihin sa isa't isa, basta naririnig nyo lang ang paghinga ninyo ayus na rin yun. At hindi ka na ngayon sa magulang mo lang magpapaalam kung may pupuntahan ka kundi pati na dun sa special someone mo kung hindi cya kasama. Yung magkaroon kayo ng theme song. At yung laging may kasama ka kung saan2x. At ang tawagan na kay dami2x. Mga pet names na "Baby", "Mahal", "Ga", "Bhe", "Ling", "Tart", "Love", "Honey"...at kung ano pa dyan. Hayyy...nakakamiss yun.

Sabi nila, pusong bato daw ako kasi medyo matagal na nga akong walang boyfriend. Matagal na nga rin naman siguro. Ewan ko ba, prang gusto ko.. na natatakot naman ako. Kaya wala lang, hindi rin ako nageentertain masyado. Simula kasi ng naging prang love counselor ako, parang nakikita ko ang mga flaws ng different kinds of relationship. Magaling ako actually sa larangan ng advices. Pero ewan ko kung ako yung may problemang ganun, makakaya ko kaya? Ang iba naman, nakakarelate ako, nadaanan ko na kasi....ako ang taong malimit magkaroon ng relationship pero matitindi naman, traumatic and memorable. Kaya nga siguro naiintindihan ko ang mga iba dyang lumalapit sa akin for advice kasi I see myself in them, or I see my past boyfriends in them at yung mga kalokohan o kabutihan dulot nila.

I may come as a strong person, intimidating to some pero akala lang nila yun. I've been thru a lot of dilemmas myself and some of them were unresolved, avoided and just plainly forgotten. I'm not perfect. I just give good advices I guess. Don't be deceive by appearances. I may look naive but nothing surprises me. Kaya sometimes I find love predictable na. I have yet to find that something or someone who can bring out more of me, who can keep me at the edge of my seat and who can steer a calm running water.

Is there a man for me this 2007? Hmm...I dunno. It's quite hard to tell, I can only predict what's infront of me. I haven't yet to master premonitions. hehehe. We'll see.

Kakatuwa ka!

A couple of my friends showed this video to me. We don't have TFC(The Filipino Channel) at home but I'm very familiar with this show. When I watched this video, parang gusto ko ng magsubscribe ng TFC. Hilarious! Galing ni pooh.

Girlaloo Girls & Wasalak Boyz Annual Event

I can only laugh. If you're the only (I assumed I was the only one) single person left in your circle of friends, you would laugh too. I wasn't surprise coz it was bound to happen anyway, yet it was just funny seeing your once kalog no inhibition friends who always make fun of each other and tease this and that to each other now acted so reserved, prim, and proper. Awkward to look at them with their special someone coz they act so weird, its like almost not themselves. Or maybe I just didn't see those sides in them. Nakakaloka, parang mas ayaw ko tuloy magkaroon ng special someone. lol. That's why when it was time to take group pictures it only took a few shots to have a decent picture while before there was never a single decent group picture ever.

But nevertheless, it was still fun as always, there's never a dull moment with these guys, my homies gone mature. hahaha.

Ok I'll behave now. I should find myself a man soon. Para ako naman ang tumino-tino. Waaaahhhh yeah right.

Uh huh.

First Love-

Unmeasurable.

Undefined.

Unbelievable.

Uninhibited.

But never FOREVER.

So what if I don't believe in first loves? That doesn't mean it cannot happen to U.

Joyeux Noel

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Ang weird kasi sa Pinas, Christmas na, eh dito sa states mamaya pa ang Noche Buena. Gulo nyo. hehe. Well, I have been busy this week. We had a Christmas party dinner here at home last Friday, with family friends and relatives. Tuwing gustong magparty, sa amin kaagad ang sinasuggest na bahay maski hindi naman kami nagooffer, hirap kasi maglinis ng mansion noh kala nyo ha hehe jowk! Pero oh well, no choice pa rin naman.. na miss ko tuloy ang may mga helpers at maids. So as in hindi lang room ko ang malinis kundi ang buong bahay, dalawa kami ng dad ko, pinagtiyagaan naming linisin ang lahat ng sulok ng bahay. Exhausting kaya!

Anyway, after the dinner tumawag ang friend ko. Sabi nya kailangan nya ng tulong ko, kasi nagkasakit ang lead vocalist nila, eh meron pa naman silang holiday gig ng gabing yun. And since I jammed with his band (local fil-am rock band lang naman sila) sa practice sessions nila a couple times before, nagask ng favor sa akin if I can sub for tonight. Lagot kasi sila dun sa manager ng bar kung magkacancel sila at the last minute. Plus I get paid at libre pa daw nya ako ng Barbie Almalbis tickets sa Feb. Oh diba! So ayun la naman talaga akong ginagawa kaya I agreed to sub. Practice ng konti sa backstage then it was showtime. Ang ayoko ko lang talaga sa mga venues eh yung usok, prang cloudy at sympre closed area, kasi nga bar, maliit lang naman, so prang nakoclaustrophobic ako. waaahhh but the show must go on.

It went well sa awa ng Diyos, I did miss some lines pero whattaheck, feeling ko hindi rin naman masyadong marinig ung boses ko dahil sa lakas ng instruments. Iba pla talaga kapag banda at live. Nasanay kasi akong pa combo-combo lang, gitara o organ o minus one hehe. But all went good. Masaya naman. Hinatid ako ng mga 3am na, nagkayayaan pa nga maginuman, sabi ko uwi na ko umaga na antok na ako tumawa sila kasi alam nilang hindi naman talaga ako halos natutulog hehe. So ayun, kwento ko lang.

Special mention to kathie, fye, lib and keloyd... hope u all are having a good holiday!

Bato Bato sa langit ang tamaan, buti nga sayo!

Irresistible

never have i felt this way before
but i know its never gonna last forevermore
the timing is off, the drama is on
my mind asked my heart, "what's going on?"

the times we spend together are the happiest
its like the sun rises in the east and sets in the west
sure the feelings are mutual
but the people around us thinks it's crucial.

yet its another one of those whatever days
wherein we risk what we have starting today.
the guilty pleasure we love to share
my day's never complete without ur "take care."

we know its obvious yet we play around
our destiny, will it ever bound?
the you and me, its hard to ignore
all i could think about for now is, "i want more."

Ano ba yan.. hehe

Sometimes you can't help but love being single because this is the only status where you can see how far your charms will go and will infect others. Seriously.

Kaya minsan napapaisip ako. Tama nga ba ang matagal ng sinasabi sa akin ng aking mga kaibigan na ibang klase daw talaga ang charms ko. Eh ikaw ba naman ang binansagang "Boy Magnet" hindi ka kaya mapapaisip kung bakit nila nasabi yun? Yun ang lagi nilang description kasi sa akin nung high school at I think mapahanggang ngayon ata. Hindi ko lang naman pinapansin kasi katuwaan lang naman dahil my gawd hindi naman akong pangmodel dahil wala akong height at weight pra dun at lalo ng hindi ako magiging front page cover ng isang beauty magazine dahil ni magsuklay ng buhok ko tinatamad pako.

Pero ang pinagtataka ko lang eh bakit parang ngayong medyo mature na ang isip ko (waah mature daw o), Im starting to realize that maybe they are somehow right. I don't know how I do it, but sadyang malapitin lang talaga ako sa guys...malambing kasi akong tao atsaka walang malice lang naman sa akin ang mga pagbibiro at mga pangaasar. Kaya siguro nahuhulog ang loob ng mga guys na umaaligid-ligid sa akin, taken man yan, bigo or single din. Nasabi minsan ng bestfriend ko na Im gullible, easily trusting, kaya easily tricked din. Siguro nga there are times na I am. Kasi I give the benefit of the doubt to a person, I give chances muna kasi pano naman malalaman kung seryoso nga ang isang tao sayo eh kung binara mo na kaagad-agad db. I would rather have drama than have a dilemma wherein you're just pretending you're happy when you're miserable. I don't like, as much as possible, to pretend, I'd rather risk it to the open and get hurt by it, than pretend and just keep the hurt inside.

Daming nagtatanong, esp yung mga taken na infatuated sa kin(hmp ewan ko ba dyan sa kanila noh)...bakit daw ba wala pa akong boyfriend? Baka naman daw masyado akong mapili. Tinawanan ko lang sila hehehe at sabihing, pana-panahon lang yan. Masarap nga may special someone pero hindi naman ako nagmamadali. Atsaka andito lang naman ako very open to possibilities of a happy ending later on. At dagdag sabi ko pa sa kanila, buti nga kayo dyan eh, may nagmamahal sa inyo. Seryosohin nyo naman mga lolo! Tinatakot nyo naman ako nyan eh. Paano na lang pla kung ako yung gf nyo tapos meron pla kayong gustong iba. Grabe yan mennn.

Hindi daw kasi kapanipaniwala. Again, I just laughed.

Tigilan nyo nga ako.

I mean, seriously.

It was forecasted to rain today. Actually it was forecasted there's going to be a storm today. 2-3inches of rain fell this afternoon. I was like...this is what they call a storm? Wow. Nothing beats bagyo in my homeland. But that's not the whole point why I'm blogging about the weather today. I wanted to emphasize that I hate it when it rains here in California. Becoz frankly speaking, no offense, but Californians don't know how to drive on a wet weather. I mean dang they're slow! I was on my way home from school and I was caught up in this bumper to bumper traffic on the freeway but there was nothing wrong, no accidents; no collisions of some sort; no nothing; nada. And it wasn't even pouring cats and dogs. People just drive freakin slow man! Not that I'm excited to go home or anything but the mere fact that I have to drive 45 minutes on a normal flow of traffic to school and back everyday has now become a 2 hour drive. So what do reckless impatient drivers do on this kind of situation? Yup, work their way from inner to middle to outer lanes and back again like a crazy maniac. Oops was I describing myself again? My bad. It's not my fault they don't know how to drive on a rainy day...I mean I remembered back in my homeland, I managed to work my way driving a vintage Orange volkswagen on a knee length flooded town just to get home and not get stranded on some hotel (eventhough it sounded inviting), how much more now that I have a more durable car on a no-flood rainy day? Lo... I mean seriously, it should rain more here in Cali, so that people will kinda get use to a WET weather aside from just being spoiled by SUN and FUN.

Just saying.

Mel Gibson's Apocalypto

It depicts a fictitious view of the decline of Maya Civilization. (Mayas' being the unsophisticated brutal savages)

The best. Don't watch this if you're not fond of heads being cut off and rolled down the stairs, human heart being dugged out of the chest, huge smelly rotten humans' pit, reading subtitles, and men wearing as what my friend described as, "thongs before victoria secret was born". It's not a scary movie..it's simply gory.

Mel Gibson is sick. The "good" sick kind. I loved it.

And the actor who starred as Jaguar Paw is not that bad.

(btw thanks Jo!)

Just love in Silence.. i guess

Naranasan nyo na ba ang mga panandali-ang saya ng pseudo-love? Yun bang u think you are falling in-love or crushing on someone na tapos bigla na lang *poof!* iniwan ka na naman sa kawalan? At to think pseudo lang yan ha, what more kung totoong nangyari yan sa totoong love. Hayy..mahirap masangkot sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Alam mo ngang may nagmamahal sayo pero hindi naman pwede kasi there are just some things to consider...lalong lalo na kapag committed kana, or d naman kaya ay committed na ang taong nagtapat na mahal ka.

It's not a bad thing to say your true feelings to someone eventhough you know for a fact na malayong maging kayo. It just happens. Mahirap nga lang kapag nakapagtapat ka nga tapos hindi mo rin pla akalaing pareho din kayong nafefeel at nagtapat din cya sayo. Naku! Edi imbis na lumuwag na sana ang kalooban mo, humigpit times 2 na kasi mutual pla ang feelings nyo! Kaya lang, merong malaking PERO na in english, BUT. Pero meron na cyang gf. But she has a bf.

Napaisip ka tuloy, at mas naguluhan. U then try to get to know more of that person, to weigh things kung maging kayo nga, ano ang possiblity? Meron kayang future? Is there a chance na if you risk losing "whom you already have" mas magiging happy ka kaya? OR all will fail and you will then make sisi to yourself why you risked it pa. OR if you risk letting go of "whom you want to be with" there's a possibility naman na you'll never find the happiness that you seek and will always ask yourself the buwisit question, "what if"?

No one risks being hurt. Maski gusto mo nga ang isang tao pero kung hindi nga naman talaga pwede bakit naman pagpipilitan. And don't give false assurances to a person kasi masakit yun. Don't try to wait or let someone you want to be with wait... eh pano kung magwork out kayo ng "whom you already have" where does that leave "whom you want to be with"? Edi mas nasakatan mo sya. Hayaan mo na lang, maski sabihin man nating don't wait, there's a part of us that wants to wait, masyado tayong in touch with our feelings especially ang mga girls. We love to have our own happy endings, and we deserve to have one talaga.

And you know what is the best solution for this dilemma? Mamili ka. Dun ka ba sa taong presently yours and you're somehow sure of things OR you'll risk going for that person na hindi ka naman sure kung may future kayo pero nangingibabaw naman ang kaligayahan mo just by the thought of her/him atsaka how much more kung maging kayo?

Pwede ring hindi mamili. You can always LOVE IN SILENCE and do nothing at all. Tingnan natin kung hanggang saan ang kaya mo.

But one thing is FOR SURE: YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM BOTH, at lalo ng YOU CAN'T LOVE TWO BIRDS AT THE SAME TIME.

Wala namang ganyanan pare ko.

Spirit of the Holidays

Hayyy at last I already finished putting up the Christmas lights outside on top of our roof. Hirap naman kasi dito sa America, everything is self-service. Back then in Pinas, whenever I wanted to put something up or do something like a lil carpentry or akyat sa punong mangga, I have "Baldad" ,our all-around houseboy, to do that for me. Isang tawag lang eh he'll do it na. But as I said, that was then. Now... I do things on my own, helo?! hindi ko naman maaasahan ang dad kong umakyat at magkabit ng lights sa bubungan namin kasi naku mas maselan at maarte pa yun sa akin hehehe. My dad and my 8yr old bro are the only boys in the family soo sino pa nga ba ang gagawa kundi ako, at me only.

Pero ok lang, I like learning about life more pag hands-on. I'm more of a doer than a speaker, and I think I have the patience to learn the parts missing when I still had yayas, bodyguards, houseboys and maids around. Kaya kung tuwing uuwi ako ng Pinas, nasho-shock sila sa mga kilos ko. Kala nila lil miss princesa ang aking e-aasal kasi nga daw galing states pero instead mas naging sanay ako sa mga gawaing bahay o maski pag-ayos na lang ng kama ko... inshort cowgirl, kahit saan mo ihagis sa mundo, makakaadapt at matuto rin.

But sometimes, I do miss the princess life I had way back, lalo na pag I get so busy with work and school that I can never have the time to clean up even just my room. hehehe. Eh ako pa naman ms. neat freak ako, gusto laging organize at kung hindi, I can't concentrate. Sanayan lang talaga.

Anyway, I'm so proud of my work outside on our lawn, actually it's our first Christmas na finally we had the time to put up Christmas lights...or should I say I had the time, hehehe. Hmmm...what else to do? Ah right, off to writing Christmas cards naman para walang masayang na oras. Maski I'm not feeling so Christmasee this season, I still want to make an effort to bring out holiday spirits to others, maski para sa kanila na lang tong mga ginagawa ko ok na para sa akin :-)

Losing My Mind

(This poem I wrote was based on someone's feeling to a girl he might be inlove with but can never have, not because the girl is already taken but the painful truth that he is the one taken and yet he is still feeling this.)

never thought id see u again.
now i wished u didnt ride that train.
sweet lingering of the past i cant erase,
now cloud my thoughts as i imagine your embrace.

if only we've met a couple of years back.
our destiny might be on track.
though the desire i have for her is sincere,
the timing is so off it's hard to steer.

its hard to take the risk and more harder when attached
but i cannot deny this feeling rekindled at last.
"how can u care for two people at the same time?," she asked.
i care for you most was all i can gasped.

i know it's wrong for me to feel this,
but there are some things in love we have no control over.
gosh ive dreamed of this to happen
now i think its better in dreams instead.

Blaaahhhg

I decided to change it back to my old template because this is well, first and foremost, my most original template ever put up that felt just right. So anyway, what's cooking? hehe...

I watched Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model finale yesterday and thank goodness Caridee won over Melrose, (to those who doesn't watch well I don't really care, I just want to blahhhhg! hehe). I don't know, I'm not feeling myself today, I think it's what they call December rush, eventhough I'm not literally rushing anything. Actually the days feel like a bit draggy to me and I don't know why. I passed by several blogsites this afternoon, most of them from that Philippine Blog Awards site (call of boredom so to speak). And no offense or anything but some of the blogs nominated weren't really appealing to me, probably because I was used to blogs that have personal touch in them, I mean those sites have personal touch but in a more informative way not the more "YOU AND ME" way. And I was just used to reading blogs that I can actually relate to in some point or another.

But its' their blog, and I salute them because they were nominated and to be nominated means their writing were probably effective to most readers. Now where does that leave my blog? hahaha, I'm sucha loser, I guess all I know is how to live my own life. But that's all it takes right? Hay. What am I talking here anyway, I'm just idling again I guess.

I have to somehow come back to reality. Wooh!

LINK: PHILIPPINE WEB AWARDS

A QUESTION NO ONE DARES TO ANSWER

So if you are caught in a situation where you have two of these people waiting for you (unexpectedly but true), and of course you can only choose one, who will you choose and why?

a.) SOMEONE who loves you

b.) SOMEONE you love

I know this is probably a gas-gas question na, being asked over and over pero I never really understood the answers kasi wala naman nagdare answer this question. Bakit kaya?

SO here I am going to ask this question again. Hopefully you'll enlighten my curiousity. Actually hindi pa naman nangyari sa akin, pero I'm having a feeling it will someday. U know naman my love life, very colorful kahit wala naman akong love life. Hay. Hehe. I just want to prepare myself for that day if it ever comes.

Instead of Waiting

I read this at one of my friends' blogs. Thought it was inspiring so I'll share it with you.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

MY Christmas list

I never thought it was already December til I visited Ms. Fye's blog. She already has resolutions for the New year while I don't even have my Christmas rundown of "All I want for Christmas" list yet. hehehe! So without further ado here are a few of the things I wish Santa could give me. Promise to keep it short Santa!

Ipod Video (yes, I don't have a freakin Ipod yet, so sue me! hehe, what can I say, latebloomer's always late)

That punk rock heeled shoes I saw in one of the stores at Laguna Beach.

A $50-100 worth of gift cards from my fave stores, PacSun, Forever21, AE, Hollister, A&F (ladies...who can say NO to shopping? helo?!? hehe)

That's all. Though I'm a Christmas person, love having Christmas parties and exchanging gifts and stuffs, I'm not much of a gift junkie person. I ask for just few things because I want to keep it real you know. I mean c'mon, Santa can't give them all to me, how much more if I put a list of 20 things or so right? hehehe!

So, to those who are planning to give me a gift, paki-Fedex na lang o paki-iwan nyo na lang sa doorstep ng bahay namin ha? char! hehehe.

Heto na naman...

Gusto ko sanang sabihing heto na naman.... ang pasko. Pero iba ang karugtong ng phrase na yan.

Natatakot akong idugtong ang tunay na karugtong nyan. Baka kasi, mabulyaso, makarma, makung ano-ano pa. U know naman kapag palagi kasing iniisip ang isang bagay, mas lalong natatagalan at mas lalong hindi nagkakatotoo. Hindi naman sa gusto kong magkatotoo yung karugtong, pero yun lang ang paniwala ko. Superstitious ang lola, uso pa ba yun? hehe.

Anyway, bakit ganun noh? Kapag tahimik ka lang sa larangan ng pag-ibig, may manggugulo talaga ng isip mo. Trend ba talaga yun? Ang dating "single" status, eh naging "it's complicated" na naman. O db, parang friendster..hehe. Magsabi ka man sa sarili mo ng "wag muna" o "ayoko na" o "tama na muna to"--hindi parin magawa-gawa. Vulnerability ba ang tawag dito? Or Compensatory mechanism na talagang nasa stage kana ng tinatawag nila sa Erikson's Psychosocial Development na "Intimacy vs. Isolation." O ayan, medyo may konting knowledge naman para may matutunan naman kyo sa pagbabasa ng blog ko hehe. Pero hindi ako psychologist ha.

Ewan ko rin kung bakit may mga unexpected people tayong namemeet na hindi natin akalaing merong hidden feelings pla sila towards sa atin tapos nung medyo naging close na kayo, minsan narereveal nila to sa atin. Ang lakas ng loob nila noh? Pero I really admire those people who have the courage to say things na unexpectedly sweet o yung mga hindi mo akalaing meron pla silang gusto sayo matagal na pero they haven't had the chance to say it, tapos nasabi na nila. Nakakaluwag daw yun ng kalooban, napapahinga ka ng mas maganda kaysa itago-tago mo lang. Malay mo yung taong masabihan mo ng mga matagal mo ng pagnanasa hehe, eh meron din plang nafefeel towards u, o umaasa rin na someday reciprocal nga ang feelings nyo, o mapapakanta nlang ng Bakit Ngaun Ka Lang - Freestyle version. Hmm hehe.

Nakatulog ako ng 4am kanina dala na ng gusto kung magaral pero I ended up chatting and having this dilemma kse naman boring magaral eh hehe(sinisi pa daw ang pagaaral). Nagising naman ako ngaun ng 6am. O db masaya ang feeling na to, nadaragdagan ang insomnia ko, maya-maya vampire na ako sisip-sipin ko na dugo nyo hehe.

Hay heto na naman.....

So alam nyo na ba kung ano ang karugtong sa phrase na to?

Hindi ko parin sasabihin. Bahala kayo hehe.

On The Rebound

(dedicated to my rebound boy)

it's good to ease the pain with you
your view different from mine but true.

the side of me i try so much to hide,
you've seen it unexpectedly and yet you didn't mind.

nothing can make me feel any better,
in this cold crazy december weather.

but the constant "how are you?"'s you made,
are the simple eased pleasures i can trade.

before, i thought we could never be close friends,
the you and me combined has always a disastrous end.

but when you came along with a bag of sense,
this time without anything to lose, i took that chance.

you then allowed me to use your shoulders,
cry a river, you said, and leave the hurt forever.

opposite poles do attract when things get rough,
a beautiful rebound, it ain't a bluff.

taking a BREAK on El-Oh-Vi-Ee

what if your love:

1. MAWALA SAYO...
= edi move on! thre's more fishes in
the sea.

2. MAMATAY...
= cry

3. INAGAW...
= edi magsaya sila, konsenxa na nila
un, bsta ako, marami pa dyn

4. NAGMAHAL NG IBA...
= then do the same, dont dwell over a
lost cause lalo ka lng masasaktan nyan

5. GAGUHIN KA...
= yup i believe in karma

6. NaKiTA MO KaSaMA NYA EX NiYA
= id be doubtful xo i hve to ask him
directly,derechahan lng yan

7. BABALIK SYA SA EX NiYA...
= kung saan sya masaya ano pa nga ba

8. MLMN MO NA LUV N LUV KA NYA..
= id be the happiest most luckiest
person n the world

9. KANTAHAN KA NYA...
= ang sweeeettt..my heart just melts
with u pag ganon hehe

10. PAKASALAN KA NYA...
= if i feel the same way y not..ang
problema wala pa akong groom haaha

11. SAKTAN KA NYA PHYSICALLY..
= wont let him do that to me!

12. BUMALIK EX MO...
= so? ive moved on. ganyan lng tlaga
yan

13. NAKIKIPAGBALIKAN EX MO..
= hmm...what's in it for me? eh kung
yoko ko na? eh kung meron na akong
iba? u had ur freakin chance! helo.
hehe

14. PUNTA SYA STATES PRA WORK.
= and2 ako cge punta ka hehe but
concerning LDR----i dont knw if i
could still take this situation, yoko
na!

15. PIC NG EX NYA S WALLET NYA?
= ex ko rin nasa wallet ko hehe,
pangtakot sa daga! hehe

16. INIIWASAN KA NIYA?
= then something's up..something bad..

17. LAM BA NG MHAL M N MHAL MO SYA?
= hindi..hindi ko rin alam kse kung
cno mahal ko. waaahhh.. hehe

Welcome to 'The HOUSE'

ARe u scAred eAsiLy? Do U waNt sOme Kill tIme? ThEn I weLcOme U to The HOUSE... Pls cOme In.

tO oPerAte: jUsT cLIck thIngs that cAn be Clicked. DoNT sTop cLickIng and ClickIng baCK tiLL iT wiLL tEll u tO prOCeed tO thE nExt Room. hAve fUn!

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LiL Ms Traveler goes AZ!

Hay dyos ko po! Sa wakas at I finally had the time to blog. Maloka-loka akong hindi makablog coz I was on a Thanksgiving week vacation last week. Belated Happy Thanksgiving nga pla to everybody who celebrated it!

I had a blast last week. I went to Arizona. 6th of the 50 states in the US that I've already been to (together with New Jersey, New York, California, Nevada, Utah and now, Arizona). The GRAND CANYON was never the same as it was in the pictures and postcards compared to seeing it with your own eyes. I was in awe. I loved Arizona. I loved our little nature trip. Aside from the fact that the spectacular views were pleasing to the eye, I felt that I've burned fats from all the walking that we did as well hehe. Kasi hindi mo maeenjoy ang views of the canyon kung hindi ka maglalakad sa mga trails nila na of course intended talaga for walking noh.

After doon, we headed to the City of Red Rocks, SEDONA, AZ. Red rocks nga naman talaga. Magsasawa ka sa kakapicture ng mga pulang bato, at with different shapes, merong cathedral, Snoopy, bell, tower, indians -shaped red rocks. Kaya lang I lost track of which is which sa dami ba naman, hello kaya nga tinawag na vacation pra walang iisipin db. hehe. bakit pa ko magpapagod. Basta take as many pictures as possible na lng ako noh hehe.

The beautiful chapel, called "Chapel of the Holy Cross", took my breath away as it nestled on top of the red rocks and it was surrounded by more red rocks. Maski dun ka na lang magpwesto at magpicture picture ayos na ang araw mo. The inside of the chapel was amazing, very peaceful and it was actually a tourist attraction na, mas naging tourist attraction na cya kesa sa chapel. Pero maganda.

Last stop namin is in PHOENIX,AZ. Sympre its the capital city of Arizona. So civilization na doon, limited na yung vastness of mountains and rocks na makikita mo sa city. Kaya shopping na ang inatupag ko kasi ang laki ng Scottsdale Fashion Center nila in fairness. Its as big and wide as Mall of Asia in Manila I think.

Anyway, that's my lil travel blog for today. I'm still putting up pictures on my photofolio CATCH THE MOMENT so for blog purposes eto yung mga glimpse of pics I've taken from the trip. For more check my other photo site. Dun mas marami..

Blessed Singleness

Napansin ko lang na these past few weeks, I'm finding it hard to write a poem. Eh noon, kahit saan ako, kahit sa banyo nakakapagmake-a-poem ako on the spot. Pero ewan, ngaun gusto kong magcompose ng poems parang wala akong maisip na maganda. Ang gaganda pa naman ng mga previous poems ko tapos ngaun..ni opening line, wala..ni title na lang pra magka idea, wala..ngek. Why kaya yun? Dati-rati naman maski walang inspiration nakakagawa ako, inspiration na lang ng mga taong nasa paligid ko..tinry ko naman wala pa rin.

Hmp..

Parang alam ko kung bakit pero..sympre saksakan ng denial ever naman me noh!

Punta nga pla me ng Arizona this Thanksgiving week..starting later in the morning. Morning na pla hay naku I lost track of time AGAIN! Matanda na talaga ang lola! lol.

Hahaha..teka walang connection ang title ko sa blog na to. Kainis, I'm so disoriented. Grrr hopefully this lil travelling to Arizona will give me a swift of fresh reborn light in this semi-darkness of reality suckiness. Or else..there's always the option of suiciding in the vast mountainous rocky Grand Canyon db! haha.

Cge..I know u want pictures..of course bwisi-bwisita lang po sa photofolio site ko, ano ulit??? ok cge... eto: CATCH THE MOMENT ayan wag kalimutan magbwisita.

Ano pa ba? wala na..salamat nga pla kay Keloyd, at naspecial mention ako sa blog nya..ANG BABAENG NANGHINGI NG TESTI. Kulang lang talaga ako sa pansin kaya sanayan lang yan mga pare at mare ko hehe. Hay naku, kung anu-ano na ang mga pinagsasabi ko..its time to sleep and dream na. Cge cno kaya dream ko ngaun?

Hmp.

Love OR Infatuation?

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows--one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.

Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him."

Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement.

Love is the maturation of friendship.

Infatuation lacks confidence.

Love means trust.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later.

Love makes you a better person than you were before.

INFATUATION----puro pla eto ang nafeel ko. ayayayay! hehe

So what's the fuss about?

YUP, the Playstation 3 is finally available in Best Buy stores and some other stores here in US approximately 15 minutes ago, just after midnight of Friday(November 17, 2006). People from all across the state and some from other countries flocked and camped outside of these said stores since Tuesday(November 14, 2006) just to avail of the limited stocks of PS3.

Why? Several reasons were brought up by those people who religiously camped outside for almost 3-4days. One, because they want to be the first ones to have a set of PS3, like an early Christmas present. In short they are fanatic gamers. Second, since it's limited, they rush to avail it. Third, because it's new and different and has a Blu-Ray player that can let you watch movies without any noise coming from the console that competes with the soundtrack(as they compare it to Xbox 360 which is noisy) and lastly, it's time to change the PS2 because it has been 6years since the first PS2 came about.

In my own opinion...I can only blurt out a big "HUH?" to all of these. No offense, I do love playing my Playstation2 and I'd probably get a PS3 too but why fuss about this now??? Saying it's limited doesn't mean they won't produce more of this product eventually, right? Or people are just impatient to wait for it which I can see the point if they've been anticipating the availability of this product lets say 1-2 years ago. Maybe I'm just not as fanatic as some of the people are. Maybe this is their life, this is what makes them happy. I can only smile at those people lining up and camping outside Best Buy when I passed by one branch near my place this afternoon. Then the news came on TV awhile ago, and I saw the same long line on different other branches in other cities. I can't say it's crazy but there's no other adjective to describe this.

It just goes to show that patience is a virtue but if you've been waiting for so long...it will make you do the most craziest thing possible to finally get what you've been waiting for. I don't know if this scenario also relates to reality; to life itself. Funny and indeed scary, don't you think?

..Farewell..

I seldom dedicate poems to anyone, but this one specifically goes out to that bastard who broke her heart and to that bitch who broke his heart. Saranghe!

people come people go
i hate to say goodbye bt i gotta let go
ur the good that came with my bad
a friend im blessed to have...

sooner or later i will be yours
but for the meantime enjoy your chores
your inspiration i will always be
pursue the goals that we both foresee...

again this i say to u
nobody can ever touch the deep core
the special connection we both endure
your the sunshine of my everyday
and im your angel all the way.

Im a Celebrity!

http://www.myheritage.com

at least i kinda look like Lana (Kristin Kreuk), from the hit tv series, Smallville. O d ba! hahaha charrr!

Kapoy!

Kapoy - Bisaya word for "tired"

What a tiring weekend! My weekend major classes started already; actually since yesterday (Saturday). Boy, I didn't noticed till I got home this afternoon how out of shape I am. I wasn't used to going to classes anymore and my hated part was, aside from the fact that my classes are only during WEEKENDS, I had to get up early again because I had to travel almost 50minutes just to get to class before 8am. The only consolation was there's less traffic and I don't have to fall in line at a Starbucks drive-thru to get my grande hot caramel macchiato with extra caramel hehehe! To those who still don't know, yeah I'm a Starbucks addict CERTIFIED!

The people in the class are still warming up to each other. Smiles here and there are mostly the atmosphere. Good thing we have professors, three of them, who are fun loving teachers, and are interesting because they have alot of experiences to share to the class in accordance with the topics discussed and most of their stories are funny, clumsy stories, and nothing is more wonderful than breaking the ice with laughter. But of course, since we are only having classes during WEEKENDS, there are a lot of homeworks to be done and things to study already. I have to read a lot, review to get used to the fast-paced teaching and read ahead to participate a little.

Anyway, I was going to review the materials discussed today and yesterday tonight but I'm so tired already. So I just pampered myself for the night by sitting on the couch, watching Lakers basketball game, eating leftover Adobo and just plainly do nothing stressful.

So, Ta-tah for now folks! I can barely type anymore, my body's just tired to do anything because of all the absorbed (hopefully will stick) materials discussed this weekend. Hayyy....lifetime student, what's more better than this huh!

hehehehe.

Ouch! Arrrraayyyy! Aguyyyy!!!!

Ang hirap no? Ung pilitin kalimutan ang taong mahal n mahal mo...ung taong xa din mismo ang sobrang nanakit sayo..

E kaw naman kc sumobra naman confident mo sa sarili....porket alam mong mahal na mahal ka na nya binabalewala mo na!

Hay life....ang stupid no? ang tagal mong hinintay ang taong tapat sayo, tapos ngayong andyan na d mo naman pinapahalagahan!

Ano bang klaseng utak meron ka?

Ngayon, nagsawa na sya! Napagod na at unti-unti narin nawalan ng pagmamahal sayo....

1 araw bigla na lang nyang nasabi sa sarili nya na ayaw na nya at napagod na din syang intindihin kung anong mundo meron ka....

Natawa ka nalang...hehehehehehe

Eh ano?

Ako naman nambalewala e! Masaya naman ako kahit wala sya! I dont care! D ko na sya mahal no!!!

WOW ASTIG..... Daling sabihin no?

E bat bago matulog sya parin iniisip mo? Bat mga ngiti pa din nya nakalarawan sa utak mo? Bat hanggang ngayon d mo sya makalimutan? Bat namimis mo sya?ung mga txt nya sayo na
honey,kain kna ha??
honey,asan ka??
honey,mahal na mahal kita tandaan mo yan..
honey nakita kta ah..
honey ang cute tlga ng mata mo..
honey wag na wag mo ko iiwan kailangang kailangan kta..
honey sbrang saya ko sau...ILOVEYOU.. :(

Dati everytym n tinetext k nia, galit n galit k Kc ang filing mu minomonitor k n nia Oras oras, pag nagseselos siya kala mo wala na ciang twala sau, eh tanga ka pla eh,, mahal ka nga eh, xempre ayaw ka niya mawala.. pag nag aaway, ano? papakita mo sa kanya na kahit mwala cia kayang kaya mo!! ang TAAS NG PRIDE MO!!

Pero ngaun, parang bumaliktad ang mundo..hinahanap hanap mu xa ngaun??!!!

O kala ko ba d mo na sya mahal?....

o baka naman d mo lang kayang aminin sa sarili mo ang labis na panghihinayang...

Ngayon ako naman ang tatawa.. hahahahahhahah

Minsan kc iba ang sinasabi ng puso sa totoong nararamdaman n2!

E pano yan wala na sya? Masakit no??? Kasi kahit gusto mo syang kausapin, mkasama d mo na magawa dahil alam mu n ikaw nman ang ODER MAN/WOMAN ngaun sa buhay nia..

at ung dating akala mu wala lng, na pinagbigyan mo sa knya..ang may KARAPATAN... na sa taong MAHAL mo..

Ngayon,sa palagay mo sinong niloko mo? sya ba?

Malamang ngayon masaya na sya, habang ikaw patuloy na niloloko sarili mo sa bagay na akala mo totoo!!!

Guys, the lesson hir is....

Minsan lang dumating ang taong pwedeng magmahal sayo ng totoo at kayang tumanggap ng
buong pagkatao moh.......


MINSAN lang......

at pag yan pinakawalan mo... baka d mo na kayang ibalik pa ang MINSAN!

Defeated Lately

The greatest battle ever fought by anyone is the battle for the love that can't be yours. No matter how strong the shield, how sharp the sword.. Anytime you can get hurt.. And the bleeding won't stop, the hurt could never be concealed. For the wound of the body can heal. But the wounded heart will forever have the scar that will remind you of the battle you never won.

ooops i did it again. kasalanan ko na naman kung bakit napapalayo na cya sa akin. O baka meron lang cyang iba. hindi ko na alam. wala naman kasi kaming commitment, pano ba yan. wala ring assurances. wel i did assure him kaya feeling ko tuloy im so martyr. im so tanga. so predictable na. ayoko na. dont want to fight for love. eh baka ako lang naman ang nakakafeel ng love na yan. baka guni-guni ko lang.

same ol story. im freakin tired. mahirap e-read ang mga lalaki. mas gugustuhin ko pang magbasa ng medical books kaysa basahin sila. and wats up with their egos and pride chicken anyway? eh mas madali nga masaktan ang mga babae at meron din kmi nun kaya lang hindi namin masyadong pinaiiral kasi ang importante ung maramdaman naman namin kahit papano na mahal nyo kami. honesty naman dyan o. tangina nahihirapan nako. kasi kung tutuloy ko pa to, mag mumukha lang akong possessive, mag mumukha pinepressure ko cya. lintik! ano na lang ba ang magagawa ko. edi ibibigay ko ang gusto mo na hindi mo masabi-sabi sa akin. ewan ko kung duwag ka lang. o sadyang wala ka lang pakialam sa nararamdaman ko. o ayan, ill give u space. maging masaya ka. pero wag mokong asahan na ill always be here for you from now on.

yoko na. u win. i lose. she wins. i lose.

like i said, same ol story.

Falling Apart

RECOMMENDED: Messed Up

I came across a powerful blog. Powerful in a sense that I can somehow relate and feel her angst of pain and depression. Reading her blogs, I felt a strong truth about life. She also has almost the same problem as I have. Why is it that having a career is a beautiful thing and yet sometimes the career we've chosen tend to fall us apart and drown our dreams? Til now I'm undecided of what I want to do with my life and yet, people around me are all talking shit about their work, how tiring it is, how stressful, how their co-workers are jerks and stupid and stuffs like that. I hate those people. Why can't they just be thankful that they have a job, a decent job infact while others are still struggling to find their own path, their own happiness of belonging to something, having something to hold on to for the future. I'm a bit carried away because this certain blog brought sadness to me. The big F word. Not fuck...failure dummy!

And I quote one of the sentences she said in her blog: "I'd rather sleep. Because life tends to fall apart when I'm awake."

Catch the Moment..

Yippppeeeee!!! I found a cool site to host my photofolio and its up and running already. Big thanks to Faye for directing me to another cooler site. Visit it here at: CATCH THE MOMENT..

I had trouble hosting my photos here in blogspot coz the size aren't resizable so I moved it to another site. Please feel free to comment on my photos there! Actually those are just hobby purposes, I'm not really a professional nor an amateur photographer. I just snap it and post. hahaha!

So see you there too!

Laughter Burns Calories Daw,so its Jowk Tym!

Once there were three guys. An American, Mexican and a Filipino who use to eat as a group. And every lunch,they share their complains. one hot day.

American: Spaghetti and hotdog again? if this will be my lunch for tomorrow, I'd jump from the roof top.

Mexican: Taccos and Buritos again? If this happens tomorrow, I'm gonna jump from this building too!

Filipino: Adobo again? If this happens, I'd jump from this building as well!


The next day:

The American had Spaghetti and hotdog once again. he jumped from the twentieth floor and died.

The Mexican had the same lunch like yesterday, the taccos and buritos so he jumped from the twentieth floor and died.

The Filipino had adobo for his lunch and he jumped from the twentieth floor and died as well.


In the Funeral:

American's wife: "If i only knew that he was tired of Spaghetti and hotdogs, i should have given him something else."

MExican's wife: "If i only knew that he was fed up with Taccos and Buritos, I should have made him another meal."

Then, all the people looked at the wife of the Filipino.

The Filipina darted her eyes on them and said,defensively, "Don't look at me! my husband makes his own lunch!"

Happy Halloween

Simula ng pumunta ako rito sa tate hindi ko magets kung ano ang kinalaman ng nagdadasaang chocolate at pagsusuot ng costume sa araw ng mga patay? Bakit hindi na lang mag-imbento ng ibang araw para gawing National costume day at wag ng makisali at makisabay sa unang araw ng November?

Bagamat maraming pagpapaliwanag na akong narinig eh hindi pa rin mag-click sa utak ko..naisip ko tuloy mabagal lang ba talaga akong umintindi o talgang ayaw kong tanggapin ang mga paliwanag..o baka naman may hinihintay pa akong ibang paliwanag..

Pero aaminin ko nagkaroon ng ibang kulay at kahulugan sa akin ang araw ng mga patay..bakit noon, pagdumarating ang araw na ito,nagtatakutan na ang tao..sari-saring palabas na nakakapangilabot ang napapanood ko lalo na sa TV patrol at NGinig..hmmmmeron pa kaya ng mga yon ngayon?

Kung doon, mga white ladies at ulong pugot ang nakakasalubong ng mga tao, dito face to face kayo ni superman, wonderwoman, at iba pang superheroes na nasa komiks ko lang at sa tv nakikita noon..cute kung bata ang may suot pero yung iba..matatakot ka dahil baka maya-maya mapunit yung mga damit nila sa sobrang sikip at bakat na bakat ang mga love handles. Dito lang ako nakakita ng wonderwoman na buntis, pero at least bibigyan ko sya ng perfect 10 for guts and effort, aba mahirap suotin yon noh.

Yun nga lang sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, ano nga ba ang saysay ng pagdiriwang ng araw na ito? Sa kontekstong Kristiano nakakapagbigay ba ito ng papuri sa Panginoon? O baka naman isang paraan upang bigyang dangal at liwanag ang mga bagay na associated sa kadiliman?

Marami sa atin ang nabubulagan ng naggagandahan man o nakakatakot na costume, kasi katuwaan lang naman..pero isipin mo..dapat ba talaga itong ipagdiwang? Baka mamya ang akbay-akbay mo o ang nakaakbay sayo eh si satanas na mismo na naka-costume lang. Yun ang mas nakakatakot. Biruin mo best buddies na kayo? Tsk tsk tsk.

Sadya lang sigurong iba-iba ang paniniwala ng bawat tao sa ibat-ibang sulok ng mundo. Basta ang alam ko marami akong candies at chocolates ngayon.

(photo by Commander Blade, hehe)

tungkol na naman sa love pipol!

(shoutout: salamat pla rhayne!)

L-O-V-E lang yan di ba?

para sa mga taong nanliligaw, nagbabalak manligaw, nililigawan, naliligaw, nag-iintay maligawan at nagbabalak lumagay sa magulo...

ang love ay hindi minamadali...hindi pinipilit..at lalong hindi kina-career...aray ko

unang-una...

PAANO MO BA NASABING MAHAL MO NA SIYA???...

dahil ba natutuwa ka sa kanya???...o kaya naman naaaliw ka???...naswee-sweetan ka ba ng sobra sa kanya???...kinikilig ka ba pag nakikita mo siya???...at nahi-high kapag naririnig mo na ang boses niya???...

eh teka muna...baka naman infatuated ka lang....o kaya naman kagaya nga ng sagot mo...BAKA naaaliw ka lang...dahil kakaiba siya...may spark na hindi mo maintindihan...

pangalawa...

GAANO MO NA BA SIYA KAKILALA???...

madali ba siyang mapikon???...pano ba siya mabadtrip???...madali bang mahalata na may topak siya???...ano bang suot niya pag nasa bahay siya???...shorts ba o pantalon???...nakasando ba siya o naka-t-shirt lang???...matagal ba siyang maligo???....kumakain ba siya ng vegetables???...tamad ba siya???...mas gusto ba niyang manood ng tv kaysa magbasa ng libro???..nagpe-play station ba siya???...tatlo ba ang pamangkin niyang lalaki???...makukulit ba yung mga kamag-anak niya???...green ba ang kulay ng gate ng bahay nila???...sa village ba siya nakatira???...may sakayan ba ng jeep/bus na malapit sa kanila???...nagsisimba ba siya linggo-linggo???...kasama ba yung pamilya niya???...at nagdadasal ba siya bago matulog???...

in short...alam mo na nga ba???...ang mga bagay-bagay...ang mga simpleng bagay tungkol sa kanya...na nagdedetermine ng sarili niya...as in kung sino ba talaga SIYA...

pangatlo...

KAYA MO BA SIYANG TANGGAPIN???...

as in TANGGAPIN ng buong-buo...sa lahat ng trip niya sa buhay...sa lahat ng katopakan niya...sa lahat ng pag-iinarte at pag-dadrama niya...sa lahat ng kasalanang nagawa, ginawa, at gagawin pa lang niya...sa lahat ng naiisip niya... sa lahat ng sasabihin niya...sa kilos niya..sa pananamit pa pala niya... sa pagsasalita...sa pananaw niya sa buhay...sa pagtrato niya sa tao...sa lifestyle niya...sa uri ng pamilyang meron siya...sa uri ng kaibigang kasa-kasama niya... sa style niya pagdating sa love...sa kasweetan niyang natural...sa paglalambing niya...sa tawa nyang pgkalakas-lakas na parang walang bukas...sa manners niya...sa bisyo niya kung meron man...sa mga pang-aasar niya sayo...sa style niya pagdating sa pagsolve ng problema...sa problemang maaari ka ring masama...

pang-apat...

KAYA MO BANG MAGING TOTOO???...

kaya mo bang makita yung sarili mo... na kasama pa rin siya ha...sa isang sitwasyong pag naisip mo eh...mapapaiyak ka na lang sa sakit...nang dahil din sa kanya???...

kaya mo bang magmukhang tanga... as in umiyak ng dahil sa kababawan...ibuhos ang mga nararamdaman mo... kahit na puro kababawan nga lang naman...as in kahit sa harapan niya???...

kaya mo bang maging barubal pag kasama mo siya???...yung tipo bang wala ka ng pakialam... mawala man ang manners mo...na wala ka naman talaga...

in short...

KAYA MO BANG MAGING IKAW KAPAG KASAMA MO NA SIYA???...

yung tipong hindi ka nahihiyang ipakita kung sino ka talaga...dahil alam mong...

HINDI MO LANG SIYA TANGGAP...

TANGGAP KA RIN NIYA...

BUONG-BUO RIN...

MGA TAO!!!...

tama na kasi ang trip...tama na ang pagmamadali...oo masarap ngang mainvolve sa isang tao...pero diba mas masarap yun...

LALO NA KUNG ALAM MONG TOTOO YUNG NARARAMDAMAN MO....

kaya dapat, hinde tayo nagpapabulag sa akala nating LOVE.... mag antay na lang tayo.... wag natin unahan....for all we know, hindi pa pala cya ang para sa atin......

pero pag nasagot mo lahat ng nasa taas.... baka nga mahal mo na cya.... (",)

Locked Out!

Kapag minamalas ka nga naman talaga o! Actually it wasn't all that bad today. Well, let me spill the good parts first. I got to hang out with my friends and we ate dinner at Elephant Bar. Tapos when the Wasalak boys finished their basketball practice, they called us up if we wanna watch "The Departed"(starring Jack Nicholson, Mark Walberg, Leonardo DiCaprio..). Sympre it was Friday night so ok ang lahat na manood. So ayun nanood kami. Ay grabe, the best ang movie sobra! Heads were blown off everywhere as in literally blown off ha and the "fuck" words spread like disease all throughout the movie, pati tuloy ako feeling ko nahawa na, fuck! At super ang haba ng movie ha, nakakaloka, kala ko hindi na matatapos eh. Buti na nga lang interesting to watch kasi all-star cast so hindi boring panoorin db.

Nakauwi ako ng bahay mga 1:30am na ng madaling araw. When I parked my car inside the garage I took off my shoes and twisted the doorknob papasok ng bahay. Fuck! Ayan talagang nasabi ko yan. Locked. Dali-dali kong tiningnan ang set of keys na nakasabit sa car keys ko. Fuck ulit. Wala akong susi ng bahay. Hindi naman naka-lock to nun. Ayoko ko na sanang bulabugin pa ang mga tao sa bahay but now I have no choice. Tinawagan ko ang telepono sa bahay. Walang sumagot. Ano na rin naman kasing oras noh! So tinawagan ko ang cel ng dad ko. Ring lang din ng ring, at nagleave ako ng voicemail. Tinawagan ko naman ang kapatid ko, usually mga ganitong oras gising pa yun, chika with friends or internet naman. Pero ring din ang natanggap ko. Abay himala! Tinawagan ko ulit baka hindi lang narinig or something, but she still won't pick up. That's great. Ilang beses kong pinaring ng pinaring ang lahat until it was time to give up. Wala 'tong pag-asa. Im totally locked out for the night. Para akong tatawa na maiinis na hindi ko malaman hehe. Naalala ko tuloy yung mga dorm days na pagdating ng 10pm eh lock na ang gate at hindi kana makakapasok ng hindi ka marunong umakyat sa pader. But... before you think na Im a bad person, teka muna, naalala ko lang na kinwento sa akin 'to ng kaibigan kong nagdorm nun, hindi ako oi! hehe.

Yes, I slept in my car. I have claustrophobia pa man ay grabe. I climbed inside the back of my car and just closed my eyes. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, 3am na rin naman. 3 more hours and my dad will soon wake up and find out his daughter has gone missing. If you tell me kung bakit hindi na lang ako nakitulog sa mga kaibigan eh kasi po, malayo ang bahay namin, we are close to the mountains na so tinatamad na rin akong magdrive pa para lang makitulog noh. In short, my brain cells are still working kasi nag isip ako hehe. Buti na lang din at wala akong boyfriend! Eh kung meron pa, edi sana katabi ko na cya sa kama nya. hahaha! Sometimes, in times like this, having one can come very handy sana. But nevertheless Im thankful, wala akong temptation ngayon. Naremember ko rin ang sabi ng aking wonderful mom nung nagkacollege pako. "Naku, kaw talagang bata ka o, bat di mo na lang gawing kwarto ang kotse mo, tingnan mo meron ka ng mga damit, tsinelas, at unan dito. Kada tanong ko sayo kung saan ang ganito, lagi mong sinasabi sa akin na nandun lang sa kotse mo." Hindi ko alam na darating ang panahon na makakasubok din akong matulog talaga sa kotse ko. Nakakatuwa ang mga magulang. Mom knows best talaga! hehe.

To make the long story more longer, around 6:30am, dad woke me up. At akalain mo ba naman ang tanong sa akin, "Oh, bat di ka tumawag?" And to think halos dead battery na ang cel ko at masakit pa ang katawan ko, yan lang ang nasabi nya sa akin. Pano na lang pala if I was in great danger, edi namatay na ang bida hehe. Hay naku buhay nga naman pagminamalas. I went up to my room and sleep again. I never realized how I loved my bed so much til today. Kaya my lesson for today: Magdala ng sariling susi sa bahay. Buwisit, sinabihan na kasi akong magpagawa ng extra house keys, kinakalimutan lang palagi. Ang galing ko talagang bata! One of a kind. hahaha.

100 Reasons Why I Love You by G. Lang

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE,

1. you kiss me like you mean it.
2. when your arms fold around me, all my worries disappear.
3. time has shown me that I can trust you.
4. you find a way to make me feel special each and every day.
5. you always smile when our eyes meet.
6. you are proud to be seen with me.
7. you help me without me having to ask.
8. when I am irritable, you are forgiving.
9. you have never betrayed my trust in you.
10. you don't demand more of me than I can give you.
11. you have always kept my secrets.
12. you get sentimental when looking at our old photographs.
13. you have never been indifferent to my love for you.
14. you indulge my romantic impulses.
15. when I want to admire you, you do not shy away from me.
16. you know how to say the difficult things without hurting my feelings.
17. you honor my family traditions.
18. you always give me the benefit of the doubt.
19. you know what I meant to say, even if I didn't say it.
20. even though time has changed me, you still find me attractive.
21. I know without a doubt that you love me too.
22. it is important to you that I am happy.
23. you have never looked back at what came before me.
24. you kiss me when you think I am asleep.
25. when I need you, you drop everything to comfort me.
26. you don't expect me to be everything to you.
27. when I want to talk, you listen.
28. when I do not want to talk, you are patient.
29. you give me the freedom to take care of others in my life who are important to me.
30. you have enriched my life in ways I never imagined.
31. you are careful with my tender spots.
32. you are not afraid of commitment.
33. I always have fun with you.
34. you encourage me in al ltha I do.
35. you can always tell when I need a hug.
36. when I touch you, you touch me back.
37. you are crayz about me as I am about you.
38. you try to seduce me when you think no one is watching.
39. I feel safe with you.
40. you always see the best in me.
41. you have shown me grace at my every wrong turn.
42. you have helped me to better understand myself.
43. you ahve never tried to change who I am.
44. when I gave myself to you, I lost nothing.
45. you nkow how to turn around a bad day.
46. you take your time with me.
47. you have never stopped courting me.
48. you surprise me with little gifts.
49. you dance with me whenever I ask.
50. you have saved everything I have ever given you.
51. you still treat me like you did when we were first dating.
52. your desire for me is unfettered.
53. you cherich each moment we spend together.
54. you accept my family as your own.
55. you put our relationship above all others.
56. you understand my needs.
57. you tell me what you need from me.
58. you find me irresistible.
59. I can feel your heart when you touch me.
60. you are my best friend.
61. your compliments are always sincere.
62. we made a family together.
63. you never grow tired of hearing me say, "I love you."
64. you still chase me around the house.
65. you are faithful to our promises to each other.
66. you know all the words to our song.
67. you carry a picture of me everywhere you go.
68. you reserve private time for us.
69. we strive equally for harmony in our relationship.
70. you always forgive me.
71. even when you are angry with me, you are kind.
72. you never attempt to control me.
73. you are always prepared to defend me.
74. you do not put yourself in situations that would make me uncomfortable.
75. you are devoted to me.
76. you share my faith and values.
77. your affection soothes me.
78. I can learn on you when I am weak.
79. you love me for who I am.
80. you always embrace me when you see me.
81. you still write me love letters.
82. you never tired of my need for your attention.
83. we made a home together.
84. you like to spoil me now and then.
85. you are proud of my accomplishments.
86. when I can't sleep, you rub my back.
87. you accept all the affection I want to give you.
88. with you I have a profound sense of belonging.
89. when I look into your eyes, I see your love for me.
90. you have never asked me to prove myself to you.
91. even when we are apart, you think of me.
92. when we spend time together you are never distracted by something more important.
93. you have given all of yourself to me.
94. when I reach for you, you move closer.
95. you continue to surprise me.
96. you have never caused me heartache.
97. you never fail to consider my feelings.
98. you like to sleep like spoons.
99. you lips are always eager to meet mine.
100. without you my life would be less than it has become.

A good catch is a good catch eventhough the right one hasn't come along

Yesterday and today were somewhat realization days for me. Two of my guy friends opened up to me. Love had ended for them they said, which was weird because I just ended my sorta lovestory recently, specifically last week too. I mean not as complicated as compared to their stories because mine was completely out of the context of couples thing but you know what I mean, we were all hurt in one way or another. All that they said and ranted to me gave me ideas and views that were similar to mine, and considering the fact that they were guys made me realized that guys are no different from girls when it comes to a break-up. They have their own denial stage, blaming themselves or their exs' stage, and suicidal "i don't want to live and feel anymore" stage. The only difference is, they tend to hide it, they tend to not,as much as possible, let anyone know that they are hurting because its unmanly for them. That's why girls always get mad or cry even more when they see their exs' very cool, calm and collected, and think right away, "he's a bastard, he doesn't really care, see he already forgot about me." But the truth is, they just want it bottled up inside and only their trusted people are the ones that see the hurt in them. Girls have friends they can cry rivers to, and girls can get so emotional and people around them won't mind at all because they are girls, it's ok for them to be all emotional. But with guys, yes they do have friends who will understand, but it's not common for guys to break down easily to whomever can listen.

Funny how love ends right? Though they end differently for each person, but when you come and think about it more closely, it is similar in ways unexplainable sometimes. That's why we don't talk about break-ups so much. It's a scary thought and even scarier when you've experienced it. The "I told you so" and "Don't say I didn't warn you" sentences bug you to death. But still we love to love. The sadness of a loss will eventually tone down and life goes on. Whattaheck. I can just smile.

Ps. Btw, I watched "The Break-Up" on dvd today, starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. It was a funny movie, and thank goodness they really did live up to the movie title because they didn't resolve anything. They totally broke up. No happy endings, yippee!

Don't Tell me IKAW to?!?!

Sarap ng feeling ng may girlfriend at boyfriend ka noh? Yung tipong may mag-aalaga at kesyo may mgmamahal "daw" Sayo. Yun bang hindi kumpleto araw mo pag di mo sya nakikita o nakakausap man lang. At ang unlimited call minutes mo eh, kulang pa sa isang tawag mo sknya. Samantalang wala nman kayong ginawa kundi magbungisngisan, at pakinggan ang paghinga ng bawat isa. Ibababa na nga lang ang telepono, ay naku! Aabutin pa kayo ng pasko dahil nagpapakiramdaman kayo kung sino ang unang magbababa.

Hindi pwedeng hindi man lang kayo mkapag-date maski isang beses sa isang linggo. Ayaw nyong Ma- Miss ang isa't-isa. How sweet diba? Oh, ayan gifted ka. Mabait gf mo. Caring bf mo. Pero bakit dumamdating na pag may nakita kang iba at basta gusto ka rin. Hala! Cge! Papatol ka!

Feeling mo IN ka? Oo, nga nman! Sayang ang kagwapuhan at kagandahan mo kung hndi mo
mapapakinabangan. Hindi ka pa nasiyahan sa isa. At nung nag break kayo ng No.1 mo eh, ang lakas pa ng loob mong sabihin na nagkulang siya. Sabay banat pa ng: " so what? Madami pang iba!"

Tibay mo tsong! Bka nman ibig mong sabihin ay may reserba ka pa?

At eto pa, Dahil nga sobra kang ma-appeal hindi ka kuntento sa dalawa. Kung pwede mangolekta, bakit hndi diba? Yung merong umaga, tanghali, gabi at meron ka pang singit na snack o merienda every after meal? Wow! Sosyal ka! Naghihirap na ang Pilipinas at ikaw eh nagbibilang pa habang yung mga taong niloloko mo ay nagpapakatanga at ang tanging alam lang eh mahalin ka.

At ng nagkabukuhan... Eh, d naiwan ka? Ngayon natauhan ka na, hahabol ka pa? Ni hindi ka kasi marunong magpahalga. Kung akala mo karma lang yan... Pwes! nagkakamali ka! Isa yang malaking katangahan!

At kung ikaw na ngbabasa nito eh, balak ding gawin yan.. Mag-isip ka. Maaring mas may pag-asa pa ang KABOBOHAN sa KATANGAHAN.

Wag lang puro porma tsong.

Malay mo, wala nang magmahal sayo dahil sa ugali mong yan.................................

ShoutOuts

- la naman me magawa sa buhay.
- desa i kno ur bored pero im broke hehe so find urself a man wag doctor hehe.
- jenny bakit 2days lng off mo punta pa tayo ng vegas and san diego daw.
- dom hoy answer the damn phone.
- hello tal,wuzup?syado u busy mang hope ur ok.
- miss ko na ang smirnoff times with hbs.
- em who's that hot gay..pakinshet y is he gay pa grr hehe.
- tin slamat u kno wat that means na ill treat u and nana talaga f this thing hppens.
- im sucha loser ryt nw always cryin dalhin nyo na ko sa mental hospital dali hehe!
- my sis is so hard to deal dagdag sa problema ko.
- my bro is my strength thank God for him.
- chinggay wers the pics frm ur party tagal ha hehe.
- to mamabear n papabear musta na dates nyo wag lng pasobra bka awards night na nmn ky tita.
- adrian jo sory tlaga im jus so preoccupied with stuff this days hope 2c u soon pnasasabihn na nga me ni lence eh hehe.
- lence thanks for the suport dnt wori ill fix my phone hehe cge takbo kana ulit n im stl thinkn bout my plans pa rin hayy.
- abby c. nice pics my dear.. as alwys
- shout out to the wasalak boys continue bringing world peace hehe.
- marian ano na balita sayo nice ride btw.
- thesa r u behaving in frisco pls cut bck on the soy hehe.
- kelan tayo manonood ng the grudge2 motmot? ang busy nyo ni cous irene eh! tama na muna yan, buy me ice cream hehe.
- thanks friends for addin my new account in friendster kun cno man kayo.
- there's never a right time to say goodbye..i lost him.
- my gwapo sa katabing table kanina sa starbucks lol.
- chearay how r u? f u hv time col me balitaan mo namn ako.
- myee ur lookin good, thats hot. pahingi namn nyang slim thingy i need it hehehehe
- lessu so which one did u choose na?i need updates hehe.
- lapit na halloween and dang its gona b a month til christmas.
- just finished watching just like heaven..paulit-ulit but im so inluv wid the movie pa rin
- thanks sa smile magpie lookin good.
- chel n rhayne ang sesexy nyo dats hot!
- big d thanks to all the songs ha, sory nakaka2log me minsan hehe
- thania n herbie,so kelan na ung inuman session natin ha hehe
- aaron thanks sa pics i got them alrdy.
- keloyd pare nabuhay ka rin.
- kathie i love blogness monster kse bloggeristas kinda common na u think?
- n to everyone, have a good day and gudnite!
- gotta watch saturday night live.
- ciao take care everybody, share love! be love!

As of 10am pacific time today... I LOST HIM.

Chuvaness

The mornings without you aren't that bad,
Now I can get on with life's wrath.
As I think less and less of you,
The path I want to go seemed a better view.
We have to admit that the bittersweet part of loving,
Is loving without thinking.
Coz it leaves us hanging hurt
Damn. Whatta jerk.

I thought about him today becoz I felt like I wasn't fair to him. I haven't replied to any of his text messages for I think two weeks straight now...but who's counting. I guess I just became bitter all of a sudden. I wasn't satisfied with the situation we were in. He said he would put in extra effort but where was it? I can't really feel it, any of it. So here I go again back into living up to my middle name, "Runaway." Im tired of putting effort or doing the best I can to something,so out of reach; so complicated; so one-way street.

They said that in order for someone to notice your existence, you should give them the chance to realize that you are somehow important to their lives. They will eventually feel that there's a part of them missing. I guess they were right, coz after three days of not texting, calling or whatever else, the tables turned. My cel was bombarded with tons of text messages and miss calls from him. I was gonna respond in a matter of two days but I dunno..there was a part of me that stopped me from doing so. Now it's been two weeks. Whatta jerk. Yeah guess Im referring to myself. *sigh*

Bakit "SINGLE" ang Status Mo at Status Ko

**hindi ko to gawa pero sobrang PANALO cya ha kakarelate tlaga charr!**

(10) PERFECTIONIST/MAPILI**
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka bakit ang sama mo bakit mo nagawa yun! Adik ka ba?! Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. ung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma parin yang stunts mO sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

(9) BUSY-BUSYHAN**
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga
nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst ka muna and pause for awhile.

(8) FRIENDSHIP THEORY**
Ano naman ito? Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend na hindi masasabi sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi lakasan mo ang loob at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan kaw rin.

(7) BORN-TO-BE-ONE (Authestic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw¦ Walang reasons¦ Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamatay sya sa mundo ng mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang. Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

(6) HAPPY-GO-LUCKY**
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino nalang basta no string attach. For fun lang daw... Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo nalang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

(5) WRONG PLACE**
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

(4) WRONG TIME
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na, hindi pa ako ready e bata pa kasi ako o kaya naman hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito, wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki. Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww. Abakelan yun? Pag uugod ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod.

(3) STRICT ANG PARENTS**
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Abaikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na.. Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. langit at lupa kayo. Awwwww. Payo ko sayo, Pakialam nila diba? Palibhasa inggit!

(2) TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE**
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. Ayaw ko na!!! takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati! O diba ang drama ng layp? Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until na ayaw mo ng magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, ano pa ba? Madami yan¦ wag na nating isa isahin at baka tumulo si tears¦heheh Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo. Ibat iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Abamapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat ibang lasa nito.
Kaya ikaw, Do not be afraid to fall in love again, malay mo sweetiness na ang malasahin mo next time. E di panalo ka sa lotto. Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo. Yang ang bumubuhay sayo, ang pag-ibig. tsk! drama!

(1) EX TO THE NTH POWER**
Oi aminin!!! LOVE parin si Ex kahit 1 ? 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon ang nakakalipas, hindi parin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyong magpaalam sa isa't isa. YES, after ay year sasabihin natin, im over him/her na, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka, ouch may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa ating kalooban. Ano kaya yun? AMININ mo na kasi¦. MAHAL mo pa si EX. Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan¦ pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba.

JUZKO, BAKA ABUTIN KA NG DELUBYO SINGLE KA PA RIN! ISANG MALAKING GUDLAK NLNG SA 'YO!

Kape at Chika

Im xo dehydrated right now. So i went and got myself a Java Chip Frappucino @ Starbucks. Sosyal! Lintik naman kseng Starbucks, dito pa nagpatayo malapit sa amin. Hehe! And as a Starbucks addict myself, the location was damn pleasurable. And to think I was drinking a frappucino on a 59degrees Fahrenheit weather (calculate it sa Celsius na lang kung alam nyo hehe)..which in short, malamig na ang panahon, malamig pa ang iniinom ko! I love it.

Anyway it's Monday and when I went to church yesterday and heard mass, I prayed that I will try to lighten things up and give myself a break from all the drama. SO, Im trying to reactivate myself back to my jolly carefree mood this week. I still have one assessment exam to take this coming Thursday and Im already freakin bored of reviewing the materials. Im not as prepared but Im confident to take it already. Me and my so-called determination, Im probably going nuts! hehe.

I talked to my kababata 2 days ago, and I told him that I finally let it out and I told him the thing I said about being guilty and all those crap and he laughed! Ano daw ba talaga gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko! hehehe. And by that, I'm determined to stop this madness na. This particular person, well, I dunno lang ha, pero kung sya ang magsabi at mangaral sa akin ng lahat ng dapat kong marinig at malaman tungkol sa mga problema't kadramahan ko sa buhay, I tend to listen to him maski na our ideas and perceptions almost always clash. Pero kung sya na ang magsabi, humihinahon ako. He's like my pacifier at some point. And to think, we are not that close and we haven't even spent a whole day together. But I knew him from puberty, I don't know how to connect that but that's just the way it goes I guess.

Kakatuwa nga, ayaw ko mang aminin pero, I think Im getting my inner strength from him. Scary! hehe. Hopefully Im not the only one who has a friend like this But I do am glad that I have him to air out my shit. Pagdating kasi sa problema ko, I dont know how to handle them sometimes, but if it was other's problems I am always the first to advice. Ganyan talaga siguro. We learn from others and they learn from us! hehe.

Hayyy pa Winter na naman. My kind of weather...subdued, cozy and romantic! =D

Breath

The sad thought I now see
Grab and seize it the way it should be
Hurting is a part of me
Forever I will yearn for thee
Moments of truth I barely agree
The breath of solitary felt so empty.

Why Does It Feel So Wrong?

So I did it, I told them. And they took it kind of smoothly actually. It's like they have been waiting for me to say something or anything. I felt like I was being punked for like a second there. They said there's no problem at all if that's my decision. I just have to make sure that I'm certain that this is where I want to go; what I want to do.

Then why do I feel guilty? I wanted this all my life, I've prepared myself for this day to come over and over that I've already memorized what I've been meaning to say to them, then when I said it all, it's like... huh, what just happened again? My friend said I should be happy because they understood. And I know I should be happy too because finally I did it. Then what's this feeling deep inside me that somehow felt wrong?

Probably the pressure of starting over and not letting them down is getting in my mind. I have a lot to prove you know, to prove that I've made a good decision. And plus, I'll be away from them, I'll be leaving the carefree life; the no-problem zone; the princess den.
WOW. I never thought this is going to be overwhelming...just thinking about it, is overwhelming. I guess this is it huh? What do you think?

ANG HATOL!

Hinga ng malalim, dahil this is the night, I'm going to blurt out the biggest decision I've ever made in my entire life. Biggest ever, that can shape my future...which frankly speaking can go either way --- I'm just glad that there's only the good way or the bad way. Ahhhh the pressure. Believe me, this is very tough for me. Telling my parents that I'm going to do exactly the opposite of what they want for my future. Nightmare...I'm totally hyperventilating right now.

This is why I hate to be the good girl.. yes, stress on the word "good." My first to say the "NO" word to the two person I love the most. Oh God help me! Why is so hard! I'm going to die. I've cried for every single day this week. It is that...freakin' HARD! But I can't waste anymore time. Because time is against me right now..and probably later on, my parents will be against me too.

My hands and feet are all cold and clammy, and my body's all shaking. It's like getting ready for a public speaking, gosh! And I'm so not good with public speaking, I choke everytime. But I will act now, before it's too late.

Kudos for me! All the luck in the world I will need so thank you if you wished me good luck! IF you don't hear from me for the remaining week, please pray for me... It only means that I may be sentenced to whatever is. Ahhhhh.... I can do this!

..La Lang..

ano na lang ang feeling mo kung kunwaring may taong nanliligaw sayo na type mo rin, pero hindi mo naman nakikita ang efforts nya? ikaw ba ang type na taong hahayaan na lamang yung tipong whatever happens, happens or ikaw yung tipong hindi magaaksaya ng panahon sa mga lalaking ganito?...pero gusto mo cya eh. pano na lang yan?

may nagtanong na kasi sa akin minsan nito, kung anong gagawin nya sa sitwasyong ito. she ended up letting go of the guy pero nanghinayang naman cya ngayon kung bakit nya ito pinakawalan. deep inside daw, nagseselos daw cya mapa hanggang ngayon. natatawa lang ako lagi kapag magkasama kami at panay bad words na lang lagi ang naririnig ko sa kanya dahil naiinis cya na ewan.

naalala ko tuloy yung experience ko rin tungkol dito. kaya lang yung akin naman eh naging kami talaga (ex ko na ngayon). pero malayo kami sa isat-isa. nasa ibang bansa kaya hindi rin nagtagal. ako rin ang unang tumiwalas, hindi ko kaya. sumuko ako, kaya ngayon medyo nanghihinayang parin ako kung bakit hindi ko na lang tiniis ang kalayuan. aaminin ko, nagseselos pa rin ako, sympre wala naman talagang masakit na dahilan kung bakit kami naghiwalay eh, yun lang, dahil malayo kami sa isat-isa.

friends pa rin kami ngayon ng ex ko. kaya lang, mahirap para sa akin dahil feeling ko, meron pa rin akong nararamdaman para sa kanya, lalo na't nandyan ang friendster at myspace, naku po! hindi ko halos mapigilan ang sarili ko minsan na buksan ang kanyang profile at tingnan kong anong status nya at kung cno-cno ang nagtetesti na mga gurls sa kanya. tangina!

kaya i feel for those na nasa sitwasyong ito ngayon. dun din sa kaibigan ko, naiintindihan ko kung bakit cya nagkaka-ganyan. buti nga kanya, nasa tabi-tabi lang. hindi long distance. meron din akong kakilala na parang nasa sitwasyong kagaya sa akin noon long distance sila ngayon, at 'lam ko, nahihirapan na cya. tinitiis lang nya dahil gusto nya for once in her life, magkaroon naman cya ng pag-asang hindi totoo ang kasabihang, "long distance relationship doesnt work".. lahat na lang daw kasi ng kilala nya eh hindi nga talaga naman nagwowork. isa na ako dun! hehe. so she's sticking it out. saludo ako sayo unnamed person! hehe.

payo ko lang sa inyo: wag puso lagi ang pinaiiral nyo, gamitin din ang utak. minsan kasi ayaw lang natin aminin, takot tayo mag-isa. pero it's not that bad. it gets lonely sometimes pero kung hindi talaga para sayo ang taong yan, then let him/her go. dont torture yourself. kung kayo talaga sa huli, malalaman at mafefeel nyo yan, at when that time comes, you will know what to do. in the meantime, enjoy what you have, where you are, who you are with. dont look too far, he/she might just be next to you, waiting for you to notice that they exist too.

go out on dates, hangout more, manligaw at magpaligaw...kung saan ka masaya gawin mo, experience it kasi it doesnt come to often in life. siguro naman nasa tamang edad na rin tayo para sa mga ganitong bagay. just beware of the consequences, ingatan ang puso, hindi yan basta-basta nagmamahal at minamahal ng kahit sino.

at ikaw lang ang makakaalam ng tamang panahon.

Heavy Shadows

Im in trouble
Afraid it will double
The pressure is getting me
I don't know how to set myself free.

Darkness overcasts the sky
I can't seem to get out, so I wonder why
Everything seems to clutter
My ideas so heavy and scattered.

Tired but I can't rest
I have to try and reach out for the best
Looking past all my clouded thoughts
What do I really want the most?

Barya

Mahirap tanggihan ang aking mga kaibigan...lalo na kapag pareho sila ng day off sa trabaho. "Moieee...cge na bangon ka na dyan! Alis tayo." Kaya naman kung magyayaya sila sa telepono or sa IM sasagutin ko na kaagad kasi kung hindi, naku! bubulabugin ako dito sa bahay! hahaha. Ang kukulit.

Tanong ko lagi, "Oh bakit saan na naman tayo gagala?" at tama ba namang sagutin nila akong, "Kahit saan basta." Kaya walang saysay ang paggising ko sa umaga sa mga araw nato hehehe. So ayun, nakaabot kami ng Laguna Beach ngayong araw..dun mismo sa lugar na pinagshoshootingan ng Laguna Beach sa MTV. Ohk naman, natulog lang ako sa backseat hehe, buti na lang day off ko rin sa pagkadriver, its good to be a passenger for a change! hahaha. Maganda ang place, talagang pang mayaman. Biruin mo naman, may toll-gate pa kung papasok sa city ng laguna beach. Sosyal! Naubos tuloy ang mga coin change namin, UNPREPARED eh! hehe. Tapos leche hirap magparking, kasi sa gilid ng daan ang usong parking dun, eh metered so kailangan na naman ng change! hayyy.. naglakad pa ang isa naming kaibigan ng one block sa changing area para magpabarya! hahaha. Nasira tuloy ang kanyang beauty ever lolz.

Kaya lesson for the day, kung magbabalak kayong pumunta ng Laguna Beach or kung saan mang-elite cities, naku magbaon ng barya! Kaya naman pla mataas ang cost of living sa mga lugar nato, eh yumayaman sa barya-barya! hahaha. Dapat laging handa! Hindi kasi girl scout mga kasama ko at ako naman, laging absent sa girl scout meeting noon. hehehe! Lang kwentang blog! haha. Check out the pics na lang at my photo blog, A FEW STOLEN MOMENTS... in fairness, its worth it ha, the place was gorgeous!!! the atmosphere was different from the normal L.A. beach cities. Talagang welcome to the OC hanep! Orange County rocks.

Finally! My very own Photofolio site..

Finally, My Picture Blog is now running... Visit it at:

A FEW STOLEN MOMENTS

I also placed a link at the sidebar "More of Me."

Luv to hear comments from you guys!!! Salamat po.

Yadda..Yadda..Yadda..

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man/woman of deeds and not for the man/woman of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man/woman you love but the man/woman who loves you more.

The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that is kept in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness lure away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness comes only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful/handsome and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me; you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past as left you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime........

Keep what you need and leave the rest behind.

New 'Do

the old
the new

AAHhhhh I finally cut my long hair. hehehe! I dunno I just got tired of it after so many years hehe.. I just woke up one morning and before jumping outta bed I talked to myself in the third person... "Celine..you're cutting your hair today. Not just a trim but a cut....SHORT."
So far nobody had said bad comments (infront of my face that is!) hehehehe. And I intend to keep it that way thank you very much. Wala lang, nagiingay lang po!

Wishes and Goals

Yesterday when I was driving home from a surprise birthday party for my cousin dearie (btw, it was fun guys! Thanks for inviting me), I realized that I attained another goal again. One of the 24 goals I wrote in the beginning of this year (inside one of my secret drawers). Coz you see instead of writing my yearly resolutions, I kinda revised it and made it as a yearly goal, which hopefully I can attain every year and it corresponds to the number of years I've been in this world.

That being said, the goal I attained last night was driving passed 5 or more freeways in one day. And that was even more interesting because it was just in one night! I know my goals are weird and don't make sense sometimes but hey who says everything has to make sense in this world right? I just want to live the moment. I'm the type of person who doesn't care how stupid or crazy a person acts sometimes, coz we all need to loosen up a bit from all the buzz kills of living in the fast lane. I also believe that things happen for a reason, that's why I made a wish as I ended passing the 5th freeway of the night.

I never thought that wishes and dreams and hopes make people smile and believe and trust. I learned it from those people who wished on my 11th lil finger last night. One person told me, that if you see someone with an extra finger.. you must wish on it by touching and holding it near your heart. And the person who has this should agree on whatever the wish was because it works. Your wish will come true in due time. My grandmothers told me having an extra finger is lucky. I know that part but the wishing part, I just knew last night.

Crazy right? But it wouldn't hurt to try.. So next time you guys see me hehe, or see someone with an extra finger, do what I said and make a wish. Of course you have to tell that person first of what you will be doing to his/her finger or you might get beaten up hehe.

Now you probably know why I named my site url 11fingerz.

Me, Myself and Emergency

I actually went to the mall today. Hmmm lemme see, it's been a month since I haven't been to the mall, wow broke my record of 1wk! I hibernate when I'm broke that's why hehe! But I had to go for some reasons:

First, my lil bro's birthday is on Thursday already. I had to buy him something.

Second, someone IMed me to come to a surprise party on________ for _________ (it's a surprise that's why I can't tell you of course) so I need to buy a gift too right?

Third, another surprise party on________ for________.. so of course another gift aaahhhh!

Fourth, my cousin's bday this Saturday... thank goodness it's a family effort to decide on what gift to give her hehehe! (btw...Ate anong gusto mo? haha)

Yup.... 3 Special Gifts for 3 Special People....

I now rummaged through my neat and organized drawers and vanities (yes, neat and organized becoz aside from being miss traveler, im also miss OCD (obsessive compulsive), for my "EMERGENCY" money(s) which if you're a good seeker you'll be rich with loose changes and dollar bills by the time you finish rummaging through my room. And to think, I still have some in my car! hehe.

I know it's kinda funny(yeah just laugh at me its alright hehe)but actually this kind of strategy I have with regards to having emergency money(s) scattered wherever is pretty helpful for my short-term memory, in layman's term, "forgetfulness" hehe. I suck at remembering things that sometimes lead me to driving without a driver's license because of the stupidity of leaving my wallet at home. sssshhh! hehe.

Anyway, I found $35 just through rummaging my secret hiding places hehe(SEE WHAT I MEAN) and actually exceeding the amount I have in my wallet which is only $20 bucks, hehe how sad!

I bought the gifts merely glancing over my favorite stores because it pains me to see those new items they have (ARRRGGGHHH). By the time I left the mall, I have 6 dollars left in my wallet. So you do the Math hehe coz it hurts to just look at those killer rocker sneakers I've been drooling over for the past month, which fortunately is still there but unfortunately I don't have enough emergency money left hehehe! grrr..

SO...I now hibernate again as my day has ended.

Bat Ganito Ma-Inlab?

Sarap talaga ng feeling pag-inlove ang isang tao, lahat may kulay...lahat maganda...wow!!!! It seems ur walking on cloud 9 everyday especially pa at nasa tabi mo sya palagi. May kilig every time na nagpapacute yong mahal mo. Sarap din ng feeling pag may nagke-care sayo...yon bang feeling na ikaw ay mahalaga, na ikaw lang talaga ang nasaisip nya. Ah sus hehe.

But of course, nobody can promise us a rose garden....kaya, di maiwasang may misunderstanding, may away, may tampuhan....may pa-cry-cry pa....hay naku!!! Ang daming kakornihan dba? Others will say, AYAW KO NA TALAGA but then nanghihinayang naman,ano kaya yon, pride fish nga naman o! Others naman BREAK EFFECT AGAD, but then later manghihinayang din at gustong bawiin ang nasabi na, hay naku, hindi ko na ma-take!

Bakit ang hirap ispelingin ng love? And hirap abutin kung ano nga ba ang tunay na meaning nito. Confusing noh? Well....no matter what love brings, we must enjoy it! Embrace it when it comes to us and then freely open our arms when we want to let go. No matter how it hurts, no matter how painful it may be, ang mahalaga, u enjoyed it at na-feel kung paano kasarap ang magmahal at mahalin!!! Be happy at least naranasan mo na and u learned from it.