Magiisang taon na naman
Maraming nagbago sa kapaligiran.
Wala ka na sa piling ko,
Lungkot ko'y sadyang totoo.
Pero para naman 'to sa ating puso
Ang tuksong kay gulo.
Sa huli kung tayo'y uling magkita
At ganito pa rin ang nadarama,
Baka nga tayo ay para sa isa't isa.
Wag na nating pakawalan uli pwede ba?
Dahil mahirap magiwan ng minamahal.
Sigaw ng puso ko ay tigilan na!
Harapin na ang pag-ibig baka maglaho pa.
12/6/05
12/1/05
O.U.C.H.
A chance gone what have i done?
Longed for everything I come to thee,
But no one ever waits for me!
Cute anecdotes to tell
Makes my heart run and yell,
Choose me! Love me! Be with me!
Alone once more in this cold misery
Apart from everything else it hit me,
It isn't real to live in this fantasy!
Longed for everything I come to thee,
But no one ever waits for me!
Cute anecdotes to tell
Makes my heart run and yell,
Choose me! Love me! Be with me!
Alone once more in this cold misery
Apart from everything else it hit me,
It isn't real to live in this fantasy!
11/19/05
TORPE
Alam ko ang ginagawa mo
Gusto mong suyuin ang puso ko.
Hindi ko maintindihan
Kilig na nadarama, ang saya ko naman.
Pero bakit ganito?
Bigla kang nagbago.
Dahil ba'y ako'y sadyang nahuhulog,
Takot mo'y dala ng kulog.
Sabi ng iba, katorpehan ang tawag dyan.
Oh ano ba to, pakiramdaman na lang ba tayo?
Bakit ang lalake, okey lang magpatorpe
Gusto lagi ay babae ang maunang magsabi.
Nakakainis naman pare,
Hindi ako "game" sa ganyan.
Matapos mong umpisahan
Titigil ka na lamang sa kalagitnaan.
'D mo malalaman
Hangga't hindi mo patunayan.
Baka maunahan,
Kawawa ka naman.
Gusto mong suyuin ang puso ko.
Hindi ko maintindihan
Kilig na nadarama, ang saya ko naman.
Pero bakit ganito?
Bigla kang nagbago.
Dahil ba'y ako'y sadyang nahuhulog,
Takot mo'y dala ng kulog.
Sabi ng iba, katorpehan ang tawag dyan.
Oh ano ba to, pakiramdaman na lang ba tayo?
Bakit ang lalake, okey lang magpatorpe
Gusto lagi ay babae ang maunang magsabi.
Nakakainis naman pare,
Hindi ako "game" sa ganyan.
Matapos mong umpisahan
Titigil ka na lamang sa kalagitnaan.
'D mo malalaman
Hangga't hindi mo patunayan.
Baka maunahan,
Kawawa ka naman.
11/14/05
B.I.T.T.E.R. S.W.E.E.T.
Sadness takes me away
From the chaos of my heart
The ruins of my soul as it shatter
Picking up the pieces I now wonder.
Where have you gone?
Amidst the rainbow, I drift apart.
Clinging to my only hope
Last chance my love thee awaits.
Come forth my armor of light
Bitter glory shall we chase
Together we’ll find the path
Drown me beyond your last wrath.
I stood alone
Shadows overcast, I cried.
Damn you my heart, my soul
Release me fear, you have not.
Moments passed
And the thought of you kills me
Enduring pain, disguise so thin
What shall I do? For unbearably, I love you.
From the chaos of my heart
The ruins of my soul as it shatter
Picking up the pieces I now wonder.
Where have you gone?
Amidst the rainbow, I drift apart.
Clinging to my only hope
Last chance my love thee awaits.
Come forth my armor of light
Bitter glory shall we chase
Together we’ll find the path
Drown me beyond your last wrath.
I stood alone
Shadows overcast, I cried.
Damn you my heart, my soul
Release me fear, you have not.
Moments passed
And the thought of you kills me
Enduring pain, disguise so thin
What shall I do? For unbearably, I love you.
10/31/05
IRONY OF BEST FRIENDS
"Lang'ya siya! Asan na yung magaling mong kaibigan ha? Pakisabi naman sa kanya na nasasaktan na ako. Hindi pa ba nya yan nararamdaman? Leche."
Sino ba ang laging nakakatanggap ng mga ganitong drama? Diba tayong mga best friend ng friend nating sinabihang walang hiya? Best friends/Close friends often get the hard part in friendship, especially if that part concerns relationships. Tayo ang hinahanap kapag may kadudahan. Ba't hindi na lng sila magusap? At tayo pa ang hahanapin para gumawa ng paraan na magkausap sila't magkabati.
Nandyan ka present sa araw-araw nilang bangayan, minsan naman kulitan muna bago tampuhan. Ikaw naman ay nasa likuran lang o nasa gilid, kunwaring nagtetext kunwaring patay mali at hindi nakikinig. Hirap namang gawin yun, pero pag-araw2x na lang nangyayari to, nasasanay ka na lalo pa't sanay na silang mag-away sa harapan mo. Nakakatuwang tingnan pero minsan ang sarap na nilang batukan lalo na kung ang laging cause ng away ay ang magaling mo kaibigan.
Kahit gago yan o torpe o overprotective o selosa o iyakin, still kaibigan mo yan at you can't just look at your friend all hurting inside o kung hindi naman, tanga at pinakawalan na lamang ang relationship nila.
Usually that's where your best friend instincts come to play. You try to help out diba? Sa isip2x mo, "sayang bagay pa naman sila" or "ang tagal na nila, tapos ngayon eto pa mangyayari?" So here you are trying to patch things up for them.
Minsan hindi mo na namamalayan na ikaw na ang kausap nila. Usually ang kausap mo ay hindi ang mismong kaibigan mo but the "ex" of your friend. Tulong dito, tulong doon. Sabihin sa kanyang, "ok na cya" or "nagmove on na yun", hanggang sa mga situations na you're hanging out together na. Nagiging much more closer kayo at feeling comfy!
So ang tanong ngayon? Eto pa ba'y tulong parin? O meron ng nabubuong iba? Well, there's this rule in friendship I read somewhere that says, "Best friends are not allowed to date or pursue their friends' ex." Fact or fiction? Sus, this is just pure girltalk...that rule doesn't exist at all kaya lang sympre napapaisip ka dba? Palagay na nating, the best friend is a guy then he realized that helping his friend's ex-girlfriend led him to fall for her. THINK: "Is this just pity? Naaawa ka lang ba? Pero hindi eh there's something else." THINK AGAIN: "Ano na lang sasabihin ng friend mo if he finds out that you've developed feelings for his ex? Hindi mali mali to.."
So ano nga ba? Well, usually ang nangyayari is he just keeps his feelings to himself at sympre isa pa, hindi rin siya sure sa feelings ng girl. Malimit nyang tinutukso yung girl sa kaibigan --- para ma-testing nya kung over na nga ba ang girl at nakapag-move on na. The POINT is, this act is yet another whirlwind hopeless case that IF YOU DONT MAKE A MOVE, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. So to all who have this Best Friend role out there, don't sacrifice your feelings over something that will never happen anymore because some things are just left undone. Dont fuss about it, go and make a move! Hindi mo na problema ang kaibigan mo dahil pinakawalan niya tol eh, at kung minsan naman hindi niya narerealize na special ang isang taong pinakawalan o pinawalang bahala nya.
Your friend may be the LUCKY one to have met this special person FIRST pero your friend is the past...was the past. Kung walang nangyari sa past then there's no way for the future.
Youre the one who's with that special someone right NOW. Making all those connections. Can't you see, you're the LUCKY one afterall, for you can make a difference.
Can't you give your HEART a break and do something about it?
Sino ba ang laging nakakatanggap ng mga ganitong drama? Diba tayong mga best friend ng friend nating sinabihang walang hiya? Best friends/Close friends often get the hard part in friendship, especially if that part concerns relationships. Tayo ang hinahanap kapag may kadudahan. Ba't hindi na lng sila magusap? At tayo pa ang hahanapin para gumawa ng paraan na magkausap sila't magkabati.
Nandyan ka present sa araw-araw nilang bangayan, minsan naman kulitan muna bago tampuhan. Ikaw naman ay nasa likuran lang o nasa gilid, kunwaring nagtetext kunwaring patay mali at hindi nakikinig. Hirap namang gawin yun, pero pag-araw2x na lang nangyayari to, nasasanay ka na lalo pa't sanay na silang mag-away sa harapan mo. Nakakatuwang tingnan pero minsan ang sarap na nilang batukan lalo na kung ang laging cause ng away ay ang magaling mo kaibigan.
Kahit gago yan o torpe o overprotective o selosa o iyakin, still kaibigan mo yan at you can't just look at your friend all hurting inside o kung hindi naman, tanga at pinakawalan na lamang ang relationship nila.
Usually that's where your best friend instincts come to play. You try to help out diba? Sa isip2x mo, "sayang bagay pa naman sila" or "ang tagal na nila, tapos ngayon eto pa mangyayari?" So here you are trying to patch things up for them.
Minsan hindi mo na namamalayan na ikaw na ang kausap nila. Usually ang kausap mo ay hindi ang mismong kaibigan mo but the "ex" of your friend. Tulong dito, tulong doon. Sabihin sa kanyang, "ok na cya" or "nagmove on na yun", hanggang sa mga situations na you're hanging out together na. Nagiging much more closer kayo at feeling comfy!
So ang tanong ngayon? Eto pa ba'y tulong parin? O meron ng nabubuong iba? Well, there's this rule in friendship I read somewhere that says, "Best friends are not allowed to date or pursue their friends' ex." Fact or fiction? Sus, this is just pure girltalk...that rule doesn't exist at all kaya lang sympre napapaisip ka dba? Palagay na nating, the best friend is a guy then he realized that helping his friend's ex-girlfriend led him to fall for her. THINK: "Is this just pity? Naaawa ka lang ba? Pero hindi eh there's something else." THINK AGAIN: "Ano na lang sasabihin ng friend mo if he finds out that you've developed feelings for his ex? Hindi mali mali to.."
So ano nga ba? Well, usually ang nangyayari is he just keeps his feelings to himself at sympre isa pa, hindi rin siya sure sa feelings ng girl. Malimit nyang tinutukso yung girl sa kaibigan --- para ma-testing nya kung over na nga ba ang girl at nakapag-move on na. The POINT is, this act is yet another whirlwind hopeless case that IF YOU DONT MAKE A MOVE, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. So to all who have this Best Friend role out there, don't sacrifice your feelings over something that will never happen anymore because some things are just left undone. Dont fuss about it, go and make a move! Hindi mo na problema ang kaibigan mo dahil pinakawalan niya tol eh, at kung minsan naman hindi niya narerealize na special ang isang taong pinakawalan o pinawalang bahala nya.
Your friend may be the LUCKY one to have met this special person FIRST pero your friend is the past...was the past. Kung walang nangyari sa past then there's no way for the future.
Youre the one who's with that special someone right NOW. Making all those connections. Can't you see, you're the LUCKY one afterall, for you can make a difference.
Can't you give your HEART a break and do something about it?
10/30/05
THE DAWNING
I read this poem in one of my network friends' journals in multiply... it dawned on me that at some point in my life, I've experienced this scenario but I wasn't given the benefit of the doubt to be understood, coz all my life, I'm the one who's understanding every situations there were. Being a martyr was hard. Maybe that's why I became this cautious person afraid to take a plunge on chances again.
A girl wont cry easily, except in front of the person
who she love the most, she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily, only when she love you
the most, she put down her ego.
if a girl cries bcoz of you, please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with you for the
rest of your life.
if a girl cries bcoz of you, please don`t give her up,
maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
When she cries right infront of you,
When she cries bcoz of you, Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling? Think.
Which other girl have cried with pure sincerity,
In front of you, And bcoz of you?
She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,
She cries,Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a
burden to be kept inside.
If a girl cries her heart out to you, And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it, Coz one day, It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...
Ponder this message seriously.
Don`t do this to a girl,
You may regret it for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life,
she's the only one that love YOU the most.
Remember this lesson..
no one falls inlove by CHOICE, it is by CHANCE
no one stays inlove by CHANCE, it is by WORK
and no one falls out of love by CHANCE, it is by
CHOICE.
A girl wont cry easily, except in front of the person
who she love the most, she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily, only when she love you
the most, she put down her ego.
if a girl cries bcoz of you, please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with you for the
rest of your life.
if a girl cries bcoz of you, please don`t give her up,
maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
When she cries right infront of you,
When she cries bcoz of you, Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling? Think.
Which other girl have cried with pure sincerity,
In front of you, And bcoz of you?
She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,
She cries,Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a
burden to be kept inside.
If a girl cries her heart out to you, And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it, Coz one day, It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...
Ponder this message seriously.
Don`t do this to a girl,
You may regret it for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life,
she's the only one that love YOU the most.
Remember this lesson..
no one falls inlove by CHOICE, it is by CHANCE
no one stays inlove by CHANCE, it is by WORK
and no one falls out of love by CHANCE, it is by
CHOICE.
10/28/05
FIND ANY?
(dedicated to my bestfriend, Christine)
Looking for a lover is tiring. It's exhausting! It wears you out! Everywhere you go you're looking, sizing people up, searching, hoping. In the gym, at the mall, at the juice bar, on the tennis court. It's enough to send you right over the edge. You're looking, but pretending that you're not looking.
It's perfectly normal to want a special someone, but frequently, n the quest to find that person, we may suffer from Looking-for-a-Lover Burnout syndrome. Burnout happens when we've been looking and looking and going to all the right places (for months or even years), but even after all that effort, all that doing, nothing truly satisfying has happened. We bravely go to bar after bar, we go to hear this lecture and that lecture, and though we may have had zillions of dates, we're practically right where we started. We've talked to probable candidates and heard their life stories. We've memorized countless names, and written down oh so many phone numbers.
It happens to all of us. We grow weary, heartsick and tired of looking. When that happens, the quickest, easiest cure is simply to stop for a while. Creativity heals your broken heart, and takes you to a place inside your soul that you may have forgotten. Just because we don't have a lover right now, that doesn't mean we never will again. Lovers are luxuries, but creativity---well, that's an absolute necessity. It keeps the juices flowing. Such playful acts keep us carefree until our next admirers show up. (Single, Judy Ford)
Looking for a lover is tiring. It's exhausting! It wears you out! Everywhere you go you're looking, sizing people up, searching, hoping. In the gym, at the mall, at the juice bar, on the tennis court. It's enough to send you right over the edge. You're looking, but pretending that you're not looking.
It's perfectly normal to want a special someone, but frequently, n the quest to find that person, we may suffer from Looking-for-a-Lover Burnout syndrome. Burnout happens when we've been looking and looking and going to all the right places (for months or even years), but even after all that effort, all that doing, nothing truly satisfying has happened. We bravely go to bar after bar, we go to hear this lecture and that lecture, and though we may have had zillions of dates, we're practically right where we started. We've talked to probable candidates and heard their life stories. We've memorized countless names, and written down oh so many phone numbers.
It happens to all of us. We grow weary, heartsick and tired of looking. When that happens, the quickest, easiest cure is simply to stop for a while. Creativity heals your broken heart, and takes you to a place inside your soul that you may have forgotten. Just because we don't have a lover right now, that doesn't mean we never will again. Lovers are luxuries, but creativity---well, that's an absolute necessity. It keeps the juices flowing. Such playful acts keep us carefree until our next admirers show up. (Single, Judy Ford)
10/21/05
FRIENDS?
Your simple calls
Makes me want you more
A friendship like ours
Is hard to ignore.
Sometmes I wonder
Am I even worth it?
Amidst the distance
You care
Guilty pleasure we love to share.
A story to tell
Is up in the air
My heart's ready to yell
But the mind says, "Don't you dare!"
I'll wait in vain
Like I always do
Love is to gain
Experiences with you.
Makes me want you more
A friendship like ours
Is hard to ignore.
Sometmes I wonder
Am I even worth it?
Amidst the distance
You care
Guilty pleasure we love to share.
A story to tell
Is up in the air
My heart's ready to yell
But the mind says, "Don't you dare!"
I'll wait in vain
Like I always do
Love is to gain
Experiences with you.
10/20/05
SIGAW PINOY (mix)
Hay ambot, yan lang ba ang kaya mo?
Hay naku, ewan ko sa'yo.
Sa mundong kay gulo
Wala na bang magbabago?
Corruption sa pulitika
Niloloko lang sarili nila.
Druga at mga bisyo
Leche tigilan na 'to!
Hoy tao, pasaway ka dito
Umalis at magbagong anyo
Langya ka sa buhay
Dapat sayo'y parusahang tunay.
Hay ambot, ang sagot ng mayayaman
Kayo din naman natingin lang.
Ba't di na 'to mabago?
Hindi naman tayo gago!
Sigaw ng kabataan
Tama na kaibigan!
Panahon na ng reporma
Subukan naman nating lumigaya.
Hay ambot, yan lang ba ang kaya mo?
Ganito na lang ba tayo?
Maawa naman kayo!
Hay naku, ewan ko sa'yo.
Sa mundong kay gulo
Wala na bang magbabago?
Corruption sa pulitika
Niloloko lang sarili nila.
Druga at mga bisyo
Leche tigilan na 'to!
Hoy tao, pasaway ka dito
Umalis at magbagong anyo
Langya ka sa buhay
Dapat sayo'y parusahang tunay.
Hay ambot, ang sagot ng mayayaman
Kayo din naman natingin lang.
Ba't di na 'to mabago?
Hindi naman tayo gago!
Sigaw ng kabataan
Tama na kaibigan!
Panahon na ng reporma
Subukan naman nating lumigaya.
Hay ambot, yan lang ba ang kaya mo?
Ganito na lang ba tayo?
Maawa naman kayo!
10/19/05
TULOG
Panaginip nga naman
Bakit dun lang kita mahagkan
Ligaya ng puso ko'y iyong iyo
Kaya lang parang hindi naman totoo.
Kapag boses mo na ang napakinggan
Tenga ko'y abot langit kailanman
Sana kapiling kita
Sa mundo ng pag-ibig sinta.
Kelan pa kaya ang panahon
Ng tayo'y magkatagpo
Itong nadarama ko
Ibig kong ipaalam sa mundo.
Hay panaginip nga naman
Pilit tayong binibigyan
Pag-asa't katotohanan
Kiliti ng damdaming daraan.
Bakit dun lang kita mahagkan
Ligaya ng puso ko'y iyong iyo
Kaya lang parang hindi naman totoo.
Kapag boses mo na ang napakinggan
Tenga ko'y abot langit kailanman
Sana kapiling kita
Sa mundo ng pag-ibig sinta.
Kelan pa kaya ang panahon
Ng tayo'y magkatagpo
Itong nadarama ko
Ibig kong ipaalam sa mundo.
Hay panaginip nga naman
Pilit tayong binibigyan
Pag-asa't katotohanan
Kiliti ng damdaming daraan.
10/9/05
KAKAINIS KA! (constant rambling)
kase naman your not hard to love, yan tuloy im falling fast for you, and yet im holding back kase baka ako lang naman ang nagkaka-ganito *hayyy* buhay! i think im crazy inlove with you, kaya lang you can't figure that out when we talk coz i dont want you to get the idea at baka lumaki pa ang ulo mo hehe..
kase naman, ang layo natin sa isat-isa ayan tuloy hindi ko ma-determine kung ano nga ba meron sa atin..are there sparks? or we're just contented as friends? baka hindi mo naman ako type, sus sayang lang ang pagiisip ko sayo noh, mahal na ang talent fee sa mga panahon ngayon hehe.. i know dinadaan ko lang sa tawa, dahil dyan naman ako magaling, pero lahat ng mga pinagsasabi ko ngayon ay totoo i just don't want to sound so serious about it dahil dba nga, im trying to hold it back hehe...
kase naman, i dont believe in long distance relationship. numero uno akong activist sa ganyang situations pero KARMA! at yan ata lage ang istorya ng buhay ko. tinatawanan na nga ako ng aking mga kaibigan, yung super close sa akin at alam ang mga kalokohan ko kase daw tatanda akong dalaga sa mga pinangagawa ko. hindi naman daw ako mapili, at lahat naman ng boylets na nagkakandarapa sa akin ay maayos at decent at boyfriend material naman *watever*, naiinis pa nga sila minsan at bakit daw sa akin napupunta eh samantalang hindi ko naman daw ini-entertain ng masyado at kapag hindi ko daw ini-entertain eh mas lalo pa daw naloloka sa akin... SUS mahiya nga kayo sa mga pinagsasabi nyo noh, malay ko ba at bigla na lang ganyan.
pero talaga, sa dinami-dami man nila according to my beautiful friends, im still kinda stuck with you. infatuated lang cguro ako sa yo kaya i wana find it out at luluwas ako at magiibang estado para malaman etong kalokohang ginagawa ng puso ko. kung sabihin ko namang baka malakas lang ang sex appeal mo, baka bigla pang humangin ng todo-todo at lumindol kagaya ng nangyari sa india at pakistan(plse pray for their safety nga pala)! ah basta, ang haba na ng sinabi ko dito, wala naman siguradong nagbabasa ng blog na 'to... eh bukod sa wala ng kwenta, there are better things to do, am i right? so why are you reading this again? hahaha..
kung mabasa mo man to, at feeling mo ikaw ang tinutukoy ko.. edi smile ka na lang dyan ha, at wag kanang mag-debate alam ko namang mahilig kang sumbatan ako dahil you luv making "asar" to me *english manila style pa yan ha* haha.. pero eto lang naman ay mga feelings ko, sa pagka-hopeless romantic.. or should i say hopeless case of insanity? hehehe.. ayan haba na, tulog na ako. wake me up when october ends na lang... waaahhh panis!
kase naman, ang layo natin sa isat-isa ayan tuloy hindi ko ma-determine kung ano nga ba meron sa atin..are there sparks? or we're just contented as friends? baka hindi mo naman ako type, sus sayang lang ang pagiisip ko sayo noh, mahal na ang talent fee sa mga panahon ngayon hehe.. i know dinadaan ko lang sa tawa, dahil dyan naman ako magaling, pero lahat ng mga pinagsasabi ko ngayon ay totoo i just don't want to sound so serious about it dahil dba nga, im trying to hold it back hehe...
kase naman, i dont believe in long distance relationship. numero uno akong activist sa ganyang situations pero KARMA! at yan ata lage ang istorya ng buhay ko. tinatawanan na nga ako ng aking mga kaibigan, yung super close sa akin at alam ang mga kalokohan ko kase daw tatanda akong dalaga sa mga pinangagawa ko. hindi naman daw ako mapili, at lahat naman ng boylets na nagkakandarapa sa akin ay maayos at decent at boyfriend material naman *watever*, naiinis pa nga sila minsan at bakit daw sa akin napupunta eh samantalang hindi ko naman daw ini-entertain ng masyado at kapag hindi ko daw ini-entertain eh mas lalo pa daw naloloka sa akin... SUS mahiya nga kayo sa mga pinagsasabi nyo noh, malay ko ba at bigla na lang ganyan.
pero talaga, sa dinami-dami man nila according to my beautiful friends, im still kinda stuck with you. infatuated lang cguro ako sa yo kaya i wana find it out at luluwas ako at magiibang estado para malaman etong kalokohang ginagawa ng puso ko. kung sabihin ko namang baka malakas lang ang sex appeal mo, baka bigla pang humangin ng todo-todo at lumindol kagaya ng nangyari sa india at pakistan(plse pray for their safety nga pala)! ah basta, ang haba na ng sinabi ko dito, wala naman siguradong nagbabasa ng blog na 'to... eh bukod sa wala ng kwenta, there are better things to do, am i right? so why are you reading this again? hahaha..
kung mabasa mo man to, at feeling mo ikaw ang tinutukoy ko.. edi smile ka na lang dyan ha, at wag kanang mag-debate alam ko namang mahilig kang sumbatan ako dahil you luv making "asar" to me *english manila style pa yan ha* haha.. pero eto lang naman ay mga feelings ko, sa pagka-hopeless romantic.. or should i say hopeless case of insanity? hehehe.. ayan haba na, tulog na ako. wake me up when october ends na lang... waaahhh panis!
10/8/05
CLOSER
Lying wide awake in the dark
Trying to figure out where you are.
Always going somewhere
Yet stuck in the middle of nowhere.
I run away from you,
But chase me coz I want you to
Drag me far from this fantasy
Let me lay down in your arms coz it's destiny.
Why can't I live without you?
I'm scared not to be with you.
Feeling empty, save me
My head spinning, why can't we be?
Is this real, this love so true?
I beg thee not to suffer and lose you.
Gaze into my eyes and hop in my dreams,
For I'll sleep, a sweet stream.
Baby, I love you
Drown me in heaven's bayou.
Take me away, hold me close
Coz this is what I want the most.
Trying to figure out where you are.
Always going somewhere
Yet stuck in the middle of nowhere.
I run away from you,
But chase me coz I want you to
Drag me far from this fantasy
Let me lay down in your arms coz it's destiny.
Why can't I live without you?
I'm scared not to be with you.
Feeling empty, save me
My head spinning, why can't we be?
Is this real, this love so true?
I beg thee not to suffer and lose you.
Gaze into my eyes and hop in my dreams,
For I'll sleep, a sweet stream.
Baby, I love you
Drown me in heaven's bayou.
Take me away, hold me close
Coz this is what I want the most.
10/2/05
INSIDE
Bottled up inside
Are the words I never said,
The feelings that I hide,
The lines you never read.
You can see it in my eyes,
Read it on my face:
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.
With memories that linger---
Won't seem to go away.
Why can't I be happier?
Today's a brand-new day.
Yesterdays are over,
Even though the hurting's not.
Nothing lasts forever
I must cherish what I've got.
Don't take my love for granted,
For soon it will be gone---
All you ever wanted
Of the love you thought you'd won.
The hurt I'm feeling now
Won't disappear overnight.
But someway, somehow,
Everything will turn out all right.
No more wishing for the past.
It wasn't meant to be.
It didn't seem to last,
So I have to set him free.
Are the words I never said,
The feelings that I hide,
The lines you never read.
You can see it in my eyes,
Read it on my face:
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.
With memories that linger---
Won't seem to go away.
Why can't I be happier?
Today's a brand-new day.
Yesterdays are over,
Even though the hurting's not.
Nothing lasts forever
I must cherish what I've got.
Don't take my love for granted,
For soon it will be gone---
All you ever wanted
Of the love you thought you'd won.
The hurt I'm feeling now
Won't disappear overnight.
But someway, somehow,
Everything will turn out all right.
No more wishing for the past.
It wasn't meant to be.
It didn't seem to last,
So I have to set him free.
9/9/05
CALL OF NATURE
"a funny short story of friendship"
Kristin didn't look like she'd be a friend of mine. We even can't be mistaken as acquaintances. We were about the same weight, but she was 5'4 and I was 4 inch shorter. She had honey blonde hair and blue eyes; I had jet-black hair and brown eyes. She had the most awesome summer jobs and boyfriends while I had to clean poop as a part time job and had parents who thought boyfriends were a communicable disease. Kristin excelled in anything savvy and real, from make-ups, shopping, Cosmopolitan and knew the difference between sanitary pads and tampons; in short anything I had trouble with.
After high school, we both got accepted in the Licensed Vocational Nursing Program at Citrus College and we were on our way to attend the Nursing Council Meeting. We had friends who were upperclassmen and they told us that this meeting was about registration forms, schedules and physical exams. We arrived an hour early and so we decided to have breakfast at the Campus Cafe and had coffee and blueberry scones. On our way up to the room, where the meeting was going to be held, we made a quick stop at the nearest restroom. We used the facilities; Kristin reapplied her very berry lip-gloss while I just stared at myself in the mirror, waiting patiently for her to be done.
When we got to the room, there were already several freshmen applicants standing in line on the hallway. Teachers gave out flyers, let us fill out some forms and lastly, ordered us to go to the Student Health Center for the mini physical exam. Since both of our last names started with A, we were immediately the first ones to get in. We handed the piece of paper from the meeting to the attending school nurse, who had this annoyed look plastered all over her face. In return, she gave us a plastic cup and said, "I need a urine sample right away. Don't take too long for there are others waiting for their turn. Quickly please!" Talk about pressure. Both Kristin and I rushed out of the health center and headed to the restroom.
As we were about to get inside the adjoining stalls, I stopped, and Kristin noticed and did too. "What's the matter?" she asked. Then I told her that we just emptied our bladders 10 minutes ago and I didn't have the urge to urinate. She just giggled and said that it was going to be alright. Not long before we entered the stalls, I heard Kristin did urinate successfully. That pissed me even more. I admired her easy going, carefree attitude that often turned me into a naive slug, but how on earth did I lose over the call of nature?
"You're done already?" I asked. I heard her flush, and with that, she didn't have to answer. Just then, I heard someone opened the restroom door and yelled, "Students, hurry up please, the line is building up here, you need to finish up now." I later figured that it was that cranky nurse from the health center. I sighed and told Kristin that she should go without me. Then I heard her giggle.
"I'm not leaving you here dummy. Don't let pressure get you. Pass me your cup and I'll pour some of mine in it and we'll get the hell out of here." I did and we eventually got out from the stalls. We handed the cup back to the attending nurse at the health center, and she said that the results will come in the mail along with the school packet from the Nursing department within 2 weeks time and that we are free to go. After we got out of the office, I gave Kristin a big hug. "C'mon, this good deed deserves a Ben & Jerry double chocolate fudge sundae," we laughed.
As we were heading at the ice cream parlor, Kristin said something that made me sweat all throughout the 2 weeks time of waiting for the school packet to arrive. "Oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, that the last time I went for a physical for a job, I was positive for UTI. The nurse got mad at me for I wasn't doing the right way of wiping my area; it should be from top to bottom. So if anything came up positive in our urine, just don't freak out about it okay?" I swear I lost my craving for double chocolate fudge sundae that day.
2 weeks later, the packet had arrived and I was completely healthy and ready to start the nursing program in September. So did Kristin. It sure was one of the fun experiences we had together. Indeed, a friend is the one who knows all about you, and likes you anyway.
Kristin didn't look like she'd be a friend of mine. We even can't be mistaken as acquaintances. We were about the same weight, but she was 5'4 and I was 4 inch shorter. She had honey blonde hair and blue eyes; I had jet-black hair and brown eyes. She had the most awesome summer jobs and boyfriends while I had to clean poop as a part time job and had parents who thought boyfriends were a communicable disease. Kristin excelled in anything savvy and real, from make-ups, shopping, Cosmopolitan and knew the difference between sanitary pads and tampons; in short anything I had trouble with.
After high school, we both got accepted in the Licensed Vocational Nursing Program at Citrus College and we were on our way to attend the Nursing Council Meeting. We had friends who were upperclassmen and they told us that this meeting was about registration forms, schedules and physical exams. We arrived an hour early and so we decided to have breakfast at the Campus Cafe and had coffee and blueberry scones. On our way up to the room, where the meeting was going to be held, we made a quick stop at the nearest restroom. We used the facilities; Kristin reapplied her very berry lip-gloss while I just stared at myself in the mirror, waiting patiently for her to be done.
When we got to the room, there were already several freshmen applicants standing in line on the hallway. Teachers gave out flyers, let us fill out some forms and lastly, ordered us to go to the Student Health Center for the mini physical exam. Since both of our last names started with A, we were immediately the first ones to get in. We handed the piece of paper from the meeting to the attending school nurse, who had this annoyed look plastered all over her face. In return, she gave us a plastic cup and said, "I need a urine sample right away. Don't take too long for there are others waiting for their turn. Quickly please!" Talk about pressure. Both Kristin and I rushed out of the health center and headed to the restroom.
As we were about to get inside the adjoining stalls, I stopped, and Kristin noticed and did too. "What's the matter?" she asked. Then I told her that we just emptied our bladders 10 minutes ago and I didn't have the urge to urinate. She just giggled and said that it was going to be alright. Not long before we entered the stalls, I heard Kristin did urinate successfully. That pissed me even more. I admired her easy going, carefree attitude that often turned me into a naive slug, but how on earth did I lose over the call of nature?
"You're done already?" I asked. I heard her flush, and with that, she didn't have to answer. Just then, I heard someone opened the restroom door and yelled, "Students, hurry up please, the line is building up here, you need to finish up now." I later figured that it was that cranky nurse from the health center. I sighed and told Kristin that she should go without me. Then I heard her giggle.
"I'm not leaving you here dummy. Don't let pressure get you. Pass me your cup and I'll pour some of mine in it and we'll get the hell out of here." I did and we eventually got out from the stalls. We handed the cup back to the attending nurse at the health center, and she said that the results will come in the mail along with the school packet from the Nursing department within 2 weeks time and that we are free to go. After we got out of the office, I gave Kristin a big hug. "C'mon, this good deed deserves a Ben & Jerry double chocolate fudge sundae," we laughed.
As we were heading at the ice cream parlor, Kristin said something that made me sweat all throughout the 2 weeks time of waiting for the school packet to arrive. "Oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, that the last time I went for a physical for a job, I was positive for UTI. The nurse got mad at me for I wasn't doing the right way of wiping my area; it should be from top to bottom. So if anything came up positive in our urine, just don't freak out about it okay?" I swear I lost my craving for double chocolate fudge sundae that day.
2 weeks later, the packet had arrived and I was completely healthy and ready to start the nursing program in September. So did Kristin. It sure was one of the fun experiences we had together. Indeed, a friend is the one who knows all about you, and likes you anyway.
8/31/05
LINTI KALAW-AY SANG PAMATYAG NGA NI!
(my rantings in ilonggo language, sa makaintindi lng po... sensya na im too lazy to translate hehe)
kasabad ah, nga a amo ni pirme
pirme lng gahibi, pirme lng indi kabalo kun ano
himuon
kasubo sang kalibutan, kasubo lng ang tanan
indi ko na bal an kun ano ni ang ginapamatyag ko
pakamatay na lng ko guro ay, may pa!
lintix nga kabuhi, wala man ko sala, nga a amo pa
ni haw
tanan man ginhimo ko, pero wala gypon pulos!
wala untat ang kabudlay sang kinabuhi
kanami man sang tanan
pero nga a daw indi ko gid maintindihan haw
tani matapos na ni nga kabudlay, kay daw
mabuang nako
indi ah, buang na gid ko yah, basi sa sunod indi
nyo na gid ko makita
kadto na lng kamo sa lubong, hampang kamo
majong, inum kape, kaon tinapay nga katig-a
ah basta pabay-i nyo lng ko, madula lng man ni ah
latwa nyo lng bla!
kasabad ah, nga a amo ni pirme
pirme lng gahibi, pirme lng indi kabalo kun ano
himuon
kasubo sang kalibutan, kasubo lng ang tanan
indi ko na bal an kun ano ni ang ginapamatyag ko
pakamatay na lng ko guro ay, may pa!
lintix nga kabuhi, wala man ko sala, nga a amo pa
ni haw
tanan man ginhimo ko, pero wala gypon pulos!
wala untat ang kabudlay sang kinabuhi
kanami man sang tanan
pero nga a daw indi ko gid maintindihan haw
tani matapos na ni nga kabudlay, kay daw
mabuang nako
indi ah, buang na gid ko yah, basi sa sunod indi
nyo na gid ko makita
kadto na lng kamo sa lubong, hampang kamo
majong, inum kape, kaon tinapay nga katig-a
ah basta pabay-i nyo lng ko, madula lng man ni ah
latwa nyo lng bla!
7/17/05
PATUTUNGUHAN
Alam mo ba ang saya ko pagkausap ka
Nawawala lahat ng pagod ko pagkakita ko pa lang ng caller id
Ayokong sagutin dahil nahihiya ako
Pero gusto ko namang marinig ang boses mo
Ang gulo ko noh?
Bakit hindi ko na lang kasi sabihin
Kung ano mang ibig kong ipahiwatig dito
Pero hindi ko rin alam kung ano ba to
Langya ang labo naman oh.
Mas maganda na sigurong ganito lang muna
La masyadong pressure, nakakakilig pa.
Pero kung may gusto kang sabihin
Sabihin mo na please, in a way excited na rin ako
Sana totoo ang mga pangyayaring ito
Hindi lang isang munting panaginip na maglalaho.
Wag na sana akong magising sa kung ano man to
Dahil naniniwala akong may patutunguhan ang lahat
Sana magkita na tayo para matapos na ang mga tanong
Sa isip mo't akin.
Sana magkatugma ang pananaw natin.
Pero kung sakaling hindi, malungkot man ako ayus lang
Basta't mahanap mo ang kasiyahan na hinahanap mo.
Madrama, lam ko. Hayyy buhay!
Totoo na ba to?
Nawawala lahat ng pagod ko pagkakita ko pa lang ng caller id
Ayokong sagutin dahil nahihiya ako
Pero gusto ko namang marinig ang boses mo
Ang gulo ko noh?
Bakit hindi ko na lang kasi sabihin
Kung ano mang ibig kong ipahiwatig dito
Pero hindi ko rin alam kung ano ba to
Langya ang labo naman oh.
Mas maganda na sigurong ganito lang muna
La masyadong pressure, nakakakilig pa.
Pero kung may gusto kang sabihin
Sabihin mo na please, in a way excited na rin ako
Sana totoo ang mga pangyayaring ito
Hindi lang isang munting panaginip na maglalaho.
Wag na sana akong magising sa kung ano man to
Dahil naniniwala akong may patutunguhan ang lahat
Sana magkita na tayo para matapos na ang mga tanong
Sa isip mo't akin.
Sana magkatugma ang pananaw natin.
Pero kung sakaling hindi, malungkot man ako ayus lang
Basta't mahanap mo ang kasiyahan na hinahanap mo.
Madrama, lam ko. Hayyy buhay!
Totoo na ba to?
7/6/05
FIREWORKS
Fireworks here and there, stunning and beautiful across the darken sky of Los Angeles...It was 4th of July(U.S. Independence Day) and I was driving on the freeway that night. I'm on my way to the airport(LAX) to drop off a friend who's going home to the Philippines. Yes, Philippines. When we got off Sepulveda Blvd and went passed by the tunnel and reached the departure terminal, memories came flashing back. For three years of avoiding the airport, even the sight of it, afraid of these flashbacks to happen, I'm finally back here. I guess I just don't like airports that much. It lures me to be sad and sick to the stomach. I hate to see people leaving, not only my friends, but just those strangers lining up for baggage checks. I don't like to see family members cry in the distance because a part of their lives' leaving their side for reasons only them can understand. Although alongside, there are those who's excited enough to arrive at their destination, you can always notice them right away, 'coz they're the ones with a smile on their face, and chats with a group or with their family nonstop at the airport waiting lounge.
I can't wait to be one of those excited passengers again, but only time will tell. We can always plan things for ourselves but we cannot change the plan God has for us. There's always a reason for everything, either good or bad, happy or sad, excitment or frustration, only Him can tell. I'm always wishing and hoping that someday I can have my wish to go back to my favorite place in the world... Maybe that's why, I hated airports because it reminds me of my dream, a simple dream yet hard to reach...but still I'm hangin' in there. I know that someday, He'll grant my wish, my dream and that would be with a reason...a reason to be happy.
I can't wait to be one of those excited passengers again, but only time will tell. We can always plan things for ourselves but we cannot change the plan God has for us. There's always a reason for everything, either good or bad, happy or sad, excitment or frustration, only Him can tell. I'm always wishing and hoping that someday I can have my wish to go back to my favorite place in the world... Maybe that's why, I hated airports because it reminds me of my dream, a simple dream yet hard to reach...but still I'm hangin' in there. I know that someday, He'll grant my wish, my dream and that would be with a reason...a reason to be happy.
7/1/05
WHATTA...
I've had enough of this shit. Sometimes I wonder when I'm going to find him. Coz I hate this itsy bitsy infatuation blah blah already!!!! I'm sick and tired of guys telling me that they like me and yet, they are in far far away land and or, some of them are in a freakin' relationship, arrrggghhh!!! How am I suppose to react to this. If some gurls would actually go on with this, (I know people who do), well screw them coz I ain't like that. I don't tolerate this idea of flirting to someone who's far away, and especially to those who are in a relationship, whattaheck! I should better tell their gfs that their guys are not worth loving. Tsk.. tsk.. tsk..
It's kilig sana but then uh duh, we all know its crap! I know, you think I'm too mabait... well I am, and that's just how I see life. No wonder some marriages doesn't last for a lifetime anymore because of this horseshit. Play around if your single and frustrated. But play around when you're committed to someone? Grrr... shut up. Why be in a relationship in the first place if you know in the long run you'll get tired of it. If you're tired of it already, then end the relationship with that person first before you jump to the next one. At least that's more reasonable.
But be careful how you treat love. Coz it's not something to throw away just right there and then when something new comes a long. It grows old with experience not with monotomy. It's just normal to get tired of the person you're with at times but c'mon, get a grip, there are ways of treating it and certainly breaking up is the last amongst the options there is. You should feel lucky because someone cares for you, and will be there for you. So live it for those who don't and hold on to your raging hormones for goodness sake!
It's kilig sana but then uh duh, we all know its crap! I know, you think I'm too mabait... well I am, and that's just how I see life. No wonder some marriages doesn't last for a lifetime anymore because of this horseshit. Play around if your single and frustrated. But play around when you're committed to someone? Grrr... shut up. Why be in a relationship in the first place if you know in the long run you'll get tired of it. If you're tired of it already, then end the relationship with that person first before you jump to the next one. At least that's more reasonable.
But be careful how you treat love. Coz it's not something to throw away just right there and then when something new comes a long. It grows old with experience not with monotomy. It's just normal to get tired of the person you're with at times but c'mon, get a grip, there are ways of treating it and certainly breaking up is the last amongst the options there is. You should feel lucky because someone cares for you, and will be there for you. So live it for those who don't and hold on to your raging hormones for goodness sake!
6/30/05
BIG SIGH
i dont know how to act around you
because i dont want to give you the idea
that i really like you.. for you're in a relationship
and im not about to get in between the two of you.
but when i see your efforts of care for me
i can't help it, to not honestly think that you really do.
especially when outta the blue, you called!
i havent felt chills of excitement like that for a long time
i love it, i cant deny.
i guess this is just about it for us
friends...just friends.
though when i think of you in the middle of the day
i just never fail to smile quietly.
but no, this is wrong, i have to hold back a little.
i want you to be happy and not feel confuse
what you have with her is special, i know.
eventhough ours might be more than special.
we just have to leave it like that at least for the meantime.
until when? i know i can't wait forever, can you?
because i dont want to give you the idea
that i really like you.. for you're in a relationship
and im not about to get in between the two of you.
but when i see your efforts of care for me
i can't help it, to not honestly think that you really do.
especially when outta the blue, you called!
i havent felt chills of excitement like that for a long time
i love it, i cant deny.
i guess this is just about it for us
friends...just friends.
though when i think of you in the middle of the day
i just never fail to smile quietly.
but no, this is wrong, i have to hold back a little.
i want you to be happy and not feel confuse
what you have with her is special, i know.
eventhough ours might be more than special.
we just have to leave it like that at least for the meantime.
until when? i know i can't wait forever, can you?
6/25/05
IS IT JUST ME?
the thought of u kills me
how long will we stay like this
are we just feeling each other
or is it only me who's feeling this.....
ive been thinking about u lately
and i dont even know why
though im busy with life
it never fails to remind me that u exist....
it so ridiculous to think sometimes that
when u call,
my heart beats faster
my hands become all sweaty
my voice is a little shakier than usual....
i just want to smile to all these
becoz i havent seen u for years
and yet just simple surprise calls or text of yours
makes me crazier than i usually am....
i guess i can't deny, that i do like u alot
i like the fact that u make me laugh
i like the fact that im one of the people u call to
when u have something awesome happening
i like the fact that u would want to talk to me
eventhough ur in the middle of something....
arrrggghhh.. i don't know.
little things said and done to and for me
just melts my heart away
and yeah, u did... :)
how long will we stay like this
are we just feeling each other
or is it only me who's feeling this.....
ive been thinking about u lately
and i dont even know why
though im busy with life
it never fails to remind me that u exist....
it so ridiculous to think sometimes that
when u call,
my heart beats faster
my hands become all sweaty
my voice is a little shakier than usual....
i just want to smile to all these
becoz i havent seen u for years
and yet just simple surprise calls or text of yours
makes me crazier than i usually am....
i guess i can't deny, that i do like u alot
i like the fact that u make me laugh
i like the fact that im one of the people u call to
when u have something awesome happening
i like the fact that u would want to talk to me
eventhough ur in the middle of something....
arrrggghhh.. i don't know.
little things said and done to and for me
just melts my heart away
and yeah, u did... :)
6/9/05
SWEET NOTHING
Wouldn't it be weird, when all the guys say sorry to you because they blurted out their feelings for you, and yet never stood up strong for it? Kakainis noh? But I'm used to it anyway...noon I cry over it coz they can't wait for me, but now, I don't really mind at all, I just laugh about it coz somewhere out there, I know they do care about me at some point in their lives. Sucks when you live away from home, and then all of a sudden, someone comes along and he's just a thousand miles away from you...buti sana kung nandoon parin ako ngayon malamang, my prince charming's just a mall away from me.
I don't believe in long distance relationship either. But that's just my opinion, and I really do admire those who can go through all the trouble communicating and trusting each other just to make their relationship work. Maybe I'm just immature when it comes to this. I've experienced it but then, guess who made the first move to back out...yup ME. There's nothing wrong but then, I don't want someone to wait for me anymore because to me, it means I'm selfish. Why? Nothing. I'm just afraid to hinder any happiness that might come their way that's more than I could give for now, that's why I don't let possibilities wait for me.
I'm just happy that I, at some extent, made them happy. If you're going to ask me, if I'm sad about any of this, of course I wouldn't deny that fact. Who wouldn't be, right? It's really nice if there's really someone out there waiting for me...because it gives me hope and inspiration somehow to work hard for the future ahead ...but I guess it's just going to be dream for me, and nothing else. Wala lang, maybe it's just fate.
There's always a purpose for everything, I guess. So hey, why should I be glum? Gusto ko naman to eh dba? *big sigh*
I don't believe in long distance relationship either. But that's just my opinion, and I really do admire those who can go through all the trouble communicating and trusting each other just to make their relationship work. Maybe I'm just immature when it comes to this. I've experienced it but then, guess who made the first move to back out...yup ME. There's nothing wrong but then, I don't want someone to wait for me anymore because to me, it means I'm selfish. Why? Nothing. I'm just afraid to hinder any happiness that might come their way that's more than I could give for now, that's why I don't let possibilities wait for me.
I'm just happy that I, at some extent, made them happy. If you're going to ask me, if I'm sad about any of this, of course I wouldn't deny that fact. Who wouldn't be, right? It's really nice if there's really someone out there waiting for me...because it gives me hope and inspiration somehow to work hard for the future ahead ...but I guess it's just going to be dream for me, and nothing else. Wala lang, maybe it's just fate.
There's always a purpose for everything, I guess. So hey, why should I be glum? Gusto ko naman to eh dba? *big sigh*
6/8/05
IT'S NEAR
the time is near
it seems i can finally smell
the long time longing to be with u
yet amidst of it all, im scared
for when that time is reached
i will b able to see u again
in turn, ill be sad for i knw
u have someone else loving u
the way ive been loving u all my life.
but i gotta face reality
ill still tell u how i feel about u
eventhough there's no point of even telling
coz im pretty sure, whatever ill say or do
our story will never begin in a lifetime
for ur just the boy ive partnered every school dances
for ur just the boy ive played GI Joe coz ur an only child
but mostly..........
im just and will always be the new girl in school
who constantly left,
and will always be leaving ur heart empty.
SO IM NOT WORTH IT, am i?
it seems i can finally smell
the long time longing to be with u
yet amidst of it all, im scared
for when that time is reached
i will b able to see u again
in turn, ill be sad for i knw
u have someone else loving u
the way ive been loving u all my life.
but i gotta face reality
ill still tell u how i feel about u
eventhough there's no point of even telling
coz im pretty sure, whatever ill say or do
our story will never begin in a lifetime
for ur just the boy ive partnered every school dances
for ur just the boy ive played GI Joe coz ur an only child
but mostly..........
im just and will always be the new girl in school
who constantly left,
and will always be leaving ur heart empty.
SO IM NOT WORTH IT, am i?
6/6/05
CELL PHONES
an essay
People today are amazed by technology. To some people, technology has changed their outlook in life, while otheres ahve still a lot of catching up to do. One technology that has influenced mostly all people around the world is cell phones. What can I say about cell phones? They are delightful gadgets everyone has nowadays. But when cell phones actually started coming into our system, they are, as I remembered, mostly designed for important people such as ER doctors so we could reach them im emergency situations or as accessories for the rich and the famous, so they could be disturbed during their lunch hour and make an excuse to leave in the middle of a boring chitchat.
The first cell phones were truly car phones, those big antenna phones where in you really ahve to bore holes into your car to use them. It may seem so old-fashioned but when you have that 10 years ago, you're totally cool. It is funny how they quote back then that you can never have cell phones unless you lived in New York or Hollywood. But it seem to gather some point that those days, only celebrities you see on TV have cell phones. But come to think of it, their cell phones back then were as big as our battery operated house phones right now, and yet, we don't really pay much attention to that at all, all we know is that if you have cell phones those days, you are "in".
That brings us to the cell phones today. They are no longer for doctors or very important people. You go out fo your house and everyone over the age of 10 walks around with a cell phone. You get into a classroom and the teacher, instead of worryign about roll calling for attendance, makes an announcement instead " be sure all cell phones are turned off or in silent mode please or pop quiz will be enforced." Cell phones are almost like the fifth basic human needs along with food, clothing, shelter and love! They are held in our hand, clipped on our tote bags or up to our ear.. Before cell phones, families learned how to contact one another, thru mail, or thru hous telephones, and or thru pay phones. But nowadays, I couldn't actually imagine living without one. No one goes anywhere without their cell phone. When you bumped into a long lost friend out of the blue in a grocery store, you don't actually wait until you get home to share the wonderful news that a friend is in town to another friend anymore, instead the cell phone is right there just a pocket reach to make it easier.
Cell phones just make communication seem easier and versatile. But it is crazy to think that even my younger sister whose 11years old, is begging for a cell phone as a birthday gift while when I was back her age, I was still swooning over Barbie dolls and tree houses in our backyard. Sometimes, because everyone seems to be so hooked up on cell phones, people tend to lose their manners, or as we say, etiquette. It is annoying how when you are in the middle of a conference and the lecturer suddenly stopped the lecture just to answer a phone call, or a teacher having said to the students to turn off their cell phones but when her/his cell phone rings, they go ahead answer it and say it's emergency, that's when you think, is cell phones becoming a big nuisance? A big question, with no sure answers really, but one thing is certain, it will keep on coming as bigger and better technology blooms ahead for the future.
People today are amazed by technology. To some people, technology has changed their outlook in life, while otheres ahve still a lot of catching up to do. One technology that has influenced mostly all people around the world is cell phones. What can I say about cell phones? They are delightful gadgets everyone has nowadays. But when cell phones actually started coming into our system, they are, as I remembered, mostly designed for important people such as ER doctors so we could reach them im emergency situations or as accessories for the rich and the famous, so they could be disturbed during their lunch hour and make an excuse to leave in the middle of a boring chitchat.
The first cell phones were truly car phones, those big antenna phones where in you really ahve to bore holes into your car to use them. It may seem so old-fashioned but when you have that 10 years ago, you're totally cool. It is funny how they quote back then that you can never have cell phones unless you lived in New York or Hollywood. But it seem to gather some point that those days, only celebrities you see on TV have cell phones. But come to think of it, their cell phones back then were as big as our battery operated house phones right now, and yet, we don't really pay much attention to that at all, all we know is that if you have cell phones those days, you are "in".
That brings us to the cell phones today. They are no longer for doctors or very important people. You go out fo your house and everyone over the age of 10 walks around with a cell phone. You get into a classroom and the teacher, instead of worryign about roll calling for attendance, makes an announcement instead " be sure all cell phones are turned off or in silent mode please or pop quiz will be enforced." Cell phones are almost like the fifth basic human needs along with food, clothing, shelter and love! They are held in our hand, clipped on our tote bags or up to our ear.. Before cell phones, families learned how to contact one another, thru mail, or thru hous telephones, and or thru pay phones. But nowadays, I couldn't actually imagine living without one. No one goes anywhere without their cell phone. When you bumped into a long lost friend out of the blue in a grocery store, you don't actually wait until you get home to share the wonderful news that a friend is in town to another friend anymore, instead the cell phone is right there just a pocket reach to make it easier.
Cell phones just make communication seem easier and versatile. But it is crazy to think that even my younger sister whose 11years old, is begging for a cell phone as a birthday gift while when I was back her age, I was still swooning over Barbie dolls and tree houses in our backyard. Sometimes, because everyone seems to be so hooked up on cell phones, people tend to lose their manners, or as we say, etiquette. It is annoying how when you are in the middle of a conference and the lecturer suddenly stopped the lecture just to answer a phone call, or a teacher having said to the students to turn off their cell phones but when her/his cell phone rings, they go ahead answer it and say it's emergency, that's when you think, is cell phones becoming a big nuisance? A big question, with no sure answers really, but one thing is certain, it will keep on coming as bigger and better technology blooms ahead for the future.
5/17/05
TO SOMEONE DEAR
If the feeling is gone, what's next? I don't wanna hurt you but you love me very much that I'm pretty sure you will be. We've been through a lot and changes happened by so fast. Can't you see? You changed a lot but what about me? I don't wanna be selfish anymore, I want you but yet you're so far, I can't hold on much longer. I hate myself to be doing this to you but I can't pretend everything's fine with me eventhough it's not.
I'm not happy where we are. If you're thinkin' I have someone new, no, I don't have any. It's just the me inside that wants to let go for you to be happy. Maybe now is not the right time for us coz come to think of it, we are still afraid to announce to the whole world that we care for each other. I, myself, is hesitant because I know it's mostly my fault to drag you into this in the first place, telling everybody you're my freakin' relative while in fact you're not and then I fell in love with you and it's just plain stupid of me for creating this mess. I love you so much that I hate myself for dragging you to my pitholes and I'm so sorry. So now, I have to bring you back to the surface again and let you continue the life you're destined to have. If I'll be in that destiny then we'll see each other again.
Serendipity doesn't always work for happy endings alone. You got to sacrifice the one you love for that love to find it's way back, hoping someday, hoping it will be. I'll have to set you free for love to find us back together again. Go find your real happiness, and I'll find mine. Don't stop everything just coz I'm not with you anymore for that's quite pathetic. You have to strive hard and reach what you have to reach. There's more to life, let's live it! Hope this enlightens your path. You'll always be a part of me, my dearest friend. I'll cherish our friendship and love for a lifetime. No regrets.
I'm not happy where we are. If you're thinkin' I have someone new, no, I don't have any. It's just the me inside that wants to let go for you to be happy. Maybe now is not the right time for us coz come to think of it, we are still afraid to announce to the whole world that we care for each other. I, myself, is hesitant because I know it's mostly my fault to drag you into this in the first place, telling everybody you're my freakin' relative while in fact you're not and then I fell in love with you and it's just plain stupid of me for creating this mess. I love you so much that I hate myself for dragging you to my pitholes and I'm so sorry. So now, I have to bring you back to the surface again and let you continue the life you're destined to have. If I'll be in that destiny then we'll see each other again.
Serendipity doesn't always work for happy endings alone. You got to sacrifice the one you love for that love to find it's way back, hoping someday, hoping it will be. I'll have to set you free for love to find us back together again. Go find your real happiness, and I'll find mine. Don't stop everything just coz I'm not with you anymore for that's quite pathetic. You have to strive hard and reach what you have to reach. There's more to life, let's live it! Hope this enlightens your path. You'll always be a part of me, my dearest friend. I'll cherish our friendship and love for a lifetime. No regrets.
4/8/05
PAG IBIG SA MALAYO
(featured on the "Random Thoughts Corner" of NewMaria)
Ang hirap ng ganitong feeling noh? Yung bang feeling na gusto mo ang isang tao o yung feeling na nahuhulog na ang kalooban mo sa isang tao at gusto mo ng ipaalam sa kanya ito kaya lang natatakot ka at baka ma-reject lang naman to...? Yan ang feeling na tinatago-tago ko ngayon. Ang mahirap pa nun kasi aside from rejection meron din minsang mas malala pa sa ma-reject... alam nyo ba kung ano yun? Well pwes, sasabihin ko sa inyo. Masakit lalo kung inamin mo sa kanya ang feelings mo at yun pala same rin ang nararamdaman nya para sayo( I know, kala nyo masaya etong feeling? Pwede pero...) kung wrong timing naman kasi ang layo nyo naman sa isa't-isa so... it doesn't really count for anything pa rin, diba? Hay naku, bakit nga ba ganito na lang palagi ang istorya ng buhay naming mga nasa ibang bansa?
Pumunta kami dito hoping our best for our future, iba sa amin napilitan lang kung baga dahil karamihan ng taong tanungin mo, "dahil good opportunity daw", yan lagi ang sagot. Swerte nga kami dahil we grabbed that opportunity at hoping na malayo sana sa tukso ng pag-ibig. But heto pa rin, hindi man ninais pero nung nagkita muli ang nakaraan, wala ng ibang inisip kundi ikaw, wala ng ibang inisip kundi tanungin ang sarili, "Why did you come back? Why did I see you again?" Minsan nga nasasabi ko sa sarili ko, sana hindi na lang tayo nagkatagpo ng landas uli, para hindi kita masyadong naiisip (big sigh!). Buhay nga naman o.. sometimes unfair nga. Kung saan pa 'tong nandito ako sa ibang bansa saka ka naman lumitaw uli sa eksena.
Pero ano ba, sasabihin ko pa rin ba sa taong yun? Nah, huwag na siguro, ayoko na syang abalahin pa, 'lam ko namang masaya sya at Im pretty sure may nagpapasaya rin sa kanya. Kaya for now, eto lang siguro ang magagawa ko, to wish you luck and lots of love. Minsan kasi maski gaano kaganda ang buhay ng isang tao kung kulang naman sa pagmamahal at saya eh wala pa ring katuturan ang lahat. Kaya sa mga kapwa kong nasa ibang bansa, kaya natin to kid! Kung may magsabi man sa inyo na "kung kayo, kayo talaga sa huli"... well payo lng ha, wag masyadong magpaniwala sa mga ganito, aminin na natin, we can't guess what's in store for us in the future.. we can only live to the present to get us to the future we dreamed of. Ayos? So wag ng magmuk-mok dyan sa tabi tabi... get your butt up and live your dream.
Ang hirap ng ganitong feeling noh? Yung bang feeling na gusto mo ang isang tao o yung feeling na nahuhulog na ang kalooban mo sa isang tao at gusto mo ng ipaalam sa kanya ito kaya lang natatakot ka at baka ma-reject lang naman to...? Yan ang feeling na tinatago-tago ko ngayon. Ang mahirap pa nun kasi aside from rejection meron din minsang mas malala pa sa ma-reject... alam nyo ba kung ano yun? Well pwes, sasabihin ko sa inyo. Masakit lalo kung inamin mo sa kanya ang feelings mo at yun pala same rin ang nararamdaman nya para sayo( I know, kala nyo masaya etong feeling? Pwede pero...) kung wrong timing naman kasi ang layo nyo naman sa isa't-isa so... it doesn't really count for anything pa rin, diba? Hay naku, bakit nga ba ganito na lang palagi ang istorya ng buhay naming mga nasa ibang bansa?
Pumunta kami dito hoping our best for our future, iba sa amin napilitan lang kung baga dahil karamihan ng taong tanungin mo, "dahil good opportunity daw", yan lagi ang sagot. Swerte nga kami dahil we grabbed that opportunity at hoping na malayo sana sa tukso ng pag-ibig. But heto pa rin, hindi man ninais pero nung nagkita muli ang nakaraan, wala ng ibang inisip kundi ikaw, wala ng ibang inisip kundi tanungin ang sarili, "Why did you come back? Why did I see you again?" Minsan nga nasasabi ko sa sarili ko, sana hindi na lang tayo nagkatagpo ng landas uli, para hindi kita masyadong naiisip (big sigh!). Buhay nga naman o.. sometimes unfair nga. Kung saan pa 'tong nandito ako sa ibang bansa saka ka naman lumitaw uli sa eksena.
Pero ano ba, sasabihin ko pa rin ba sa taong yun? Nah, huwag na siguro, ayoko na syang abalahin pa, 'lam ko namang masaya sya at Im pretty sure may nagpapasaya rin sa kanya. Kaya for now, eto lang siguro ang magagawa ko, to wish you luck and lots of love. Minsan kasi maski gaano kaganda ang buhay ng isang tao kung kulang naman sa pagmamahal at saya eh wala pa ring katuturan ang lahat. Kaya sa mga kapwa kong nasa ibang bansa, kaya natin to kid! Kung may magsabi man sa inyo na "kung kayo, kayo talaga sa huli"... well payo lng ha, wag masyadong magpaniwala sa mga ganito, aminin na natin, we can't guess what's in store for us in the future.. we can only live to the present to get us to the future we dreamed of. Ayos? So wag ng magmuk-mok dyan sa tabi tabi... get your butt up and live your dream.
3/3/05
BITTERNESS OF FRIENDSHIP
I know you're just there behind that monitor of yours because I can hear you breathing, and I can see you thinking deeply that I'm too good for you. You're thinking that you can't level up with my being smart, sweet and more like your little miss perfect because you, on the otherhand, just barely gotten a stable job, and living in two different worlds right now is just not easy for you.
And so you think that I can't handle that kind of pressure because I came from a well brought up family while you have to work when you were in college and had to drop in the middles of the semester because family problems kicked in and you have to assume all the responsibility full time.
Surprising how I kind of know the story of your life right? Well, I don't know either, it's like I feel that we are somehow connected all this time and if you're hurt somewhere out there, my day would just mess up in the worse possible can too. But eventhough I was brought up good, it doesn't mean that the girl you met years and years ago no longer existed. I'm still me, the girl who played GI Joe with you, the girl who gets mad at you everytime you tease me, I'm still the girl who partnered with you every school dances we have and reluctant I may say, I'm still the girl who received your first ever written love letter that has nothing but pure intention and cuddly love.
I wished we were old enough to figure out what we're doing before but we lost contact after that. Now our path crossed again in a different setting and here w are trying to think how we both should act when we talk to each other in a simple instant messaging system. I try to communicate and know more of how you've been doing for it's ben so long but you withdraw yourself from me, acting all professional and talking to me as if I'm some client of yours and not your long time friend.
Some days you'd surprise me by dropping me a line or two but then you follow it with some favors and I think it's but bull****, don't you think? But you're my friend, and I want to make up for lost times, and so I agree andtry to do whatever favors you ask me to, knowing that if you're happy and successfu;. then I'd be happy for you.
Then out of the blue, you vanish again, being busy and not having time to talk. Don't play games with me coz I ain't that shallow to not feel unappreciated. I mean no harm, and that you don't have to hide your life from me. I just want to know how's life and how's it treating you so far and/ or if there are things you want to talk about I'm just here, may it be personal or just anything under the sun.
But I guess you want me to stop... so I'll stopped... Just don't think I didn't try convincing you that I existed somehow and that I'm still the same person you vaguely knew from before. It's just sad.
And so you think that I can't handle that kind of pressure because I came from a well brought up family while you have to work when you were in college and had to drop in the middles of the semester because family problems kicked in and you have to assume all the responsibility full time.
Surprising how I kind of know the story of your life right? Well, I don't know either, it's like I feel that we are somehow connected all this time and if you're hurt somewhere out there, my day would just mess up in the worse possible can too. But eventhough I was brought up good, it doesn't mean that the girl you met years and years ago no longer existed. I'm still me, the girl who played GI Joe with you, the girl who gets mad at you everytime you tease me, I'm still the girl who partnered with you every school dances we have and reluctant I may say, I'm still the girl who received your first ever written love letter that has nothing but pure intention and cuddly love.
I wished we were old enough to figure out what we're doing before but we lost contact after that. Now our path crossed again in a different setting and here w are trying to think how we both should act when we talk to each other in a simple instant messaging system. I try to communicate and know more of how you've been doing for it's ben so long but you withdraw yourself from me, acting all professional and talking to me as if I'm some client of yours and not your long time friend.
Some days you'd surprise me by dropping me a line or two but then you follow it with some favors and I think it's but bull****, don't you think? But you're my friend, and I want to make up for lost times, and so I agree andtry to do whatever favors you ask me to, knowing that if you're happy and successfu;. then I'd be happy for you.
Then out of the blue, you vanish again, being busy and not having time to talk. Don't play games with me coz I ain't that shallow to not feel unappreciated. I mean no harm, and that you don't have to hide your life from me. I just want to know how's life and how's it treating you so far and/ or if there are things you want to talk about I'm just here, may it be personal or just anything under the sun.
But I guess you want me to stop... so I'll stopped... Just don't think I didn't try convincing you that I existed somehow and that I'm still the same person you vaguely knew from before. It's just sad.
3/2/05
YOU LOVE ME BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM
How can you pull this through?
When all you know is that I have a good smile and
Think I changed your life in the best possible can.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
Though we had a spectacular time
I wonder what you saw in me that hit you hard.
Hard enough to fall for me.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
I sing in the shower, I do laundry every Tuesdays.
Did you know all these before you considered me in your life?
Or it's all but a show.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
You thought you knew me
Sorry but no, you didn't.
You only thought you did.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
A cliche for life.
The real me is still yet to be found
I won't fall for this
Coz...
I don't know you enough to love you.
When all you know is that I have a good smile and
Think I changed your life in the best possible can.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
Though we had a spectacular time
I wonder what you saw in me that hit you hard.
Hard enough to fall for me.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
I sing in the shower, I do laundry every Tuesdays.
Did you know all these before you considered me in your life?
Or it's all but a show.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
You thought you knew me
Sorry but no, you didn't.
You only thought you did.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
A cliche for life.
The real me is still yet to be found
I won't fall for this
Coz...
I don't know you enough to love you.
2/26/05
HUH?!
I was caught swimming in your direction again
You said "Hi" and I just embarrassly nod.
What was I thinking?
You actually noticed me today.
I thought I was invisible but you saw me
And somehow it felt good.. actually really good.
Off guard as I am, I do the same thing over and over again
Be shy, and hide, yeah damn right.
I have always known that if you like a person,
tell him that you do, right?
But boy, it's but easier said than done alright.
Darn, come to think of it,
You sometimes do regret, if you don't make a move.
Though as meek as I am, I'm kind of used to this situation anyway,
For it happens countless times and eventhough it does happen,
Still it doesn't seem to bother me if it passes me by.
You may think I'm not ready but believe me I do.
So what's keeping me away, you may ask?
Being hurt the way I did before, is maybe one factor.
No one really see that day coming but it did,
And sadly it happened to me.
So yeah, you're right, I'm afraid.
Scared as hell, traumatized as the setting sun,
Worser than the sunken ship.
You said "Hi" and I just embarrassly nod.
What was I thinking?
You actually noticed me today.
I thought I was invisible but you saw me
And somehow it felt good.. actually really good.
Off guard as I am, I do the same thing over and over again
Be shy, and hide, yeah damn right.
I have always known that if you like a person,
tell him that you do, right?
But boy, it's but easier said than done alright.
Darn, come to think of it,
You sometimes do regret, if you don't make a move.
Though as meek as I am, I'm kind of used to this situation anyway,
For it happens countless times and eventhough it does happen,
Still it doesn't seem to bother me if it passes me by.
You may think I'm not ready but believe me I do.
So what's keeping me away, you may ask?
Being hurt the way I did before, is maybe one factor.
No one really see that day coming but it did,
And sadly it happened to me.
So yeah, you're right, I'm afraid.
Scared as hell, traumatized as the setting sun,
Worser than the sunken ship.
2/20/05
WHY ARGUEMENTS RUIN A RELATIONSHIP
(inspired from my friend, Ria)
Its painful sometimes that no matter how long have been in a relationship with your current love... it's easy for arguments to ruin it and call it quits. Some may say it's just a spurt of fight or flight response that makes us vulnerable even with petty quarrels, but I'd say, it's more than that. When you're comfortable about your relationship you would want anything to preserve it... but sometimes one slips and falls taht causes jealousy and insecurity to kick in.
Trust is the main thing of all... though you know that you trust him/her still the feeling of doubt may still cloud over somehow. It's just a matter of talking things out that can shoo it away. Argumetns like "not calling of your whereabouts" or "being so overly protective" are things you can talk things through. But... tables turn sometimes. And when I mean it that way, oh boy! It's not really a good news. It means that the little above arguments have turned worse by digging up those past lousy memories and incorporating it again to the conversation. As an example would be the lines, "remember the time when..." and "you are not like this before..." blah blah blah and shit can make argumetns seem like forever. Believe me, it's like an old record playing in your grandma's attic when you come visit her.
Annoying as it is, the only way out is to forget about those past because that's why it's called "PAST" damnit! It should be non-existent pretty much. Past stuffs are those that had been argued about long time ago and is meant to be forgotten and forgiven already especially when it's pretty traumatic enough to handle. Embrace your trust to each other and it will never leave you two alone. Both people willing to trust themselves with each other, earns trust.
Nobody said relationships are always a grand time. Relationship is tackling life experiences side by side with the one you love. It's the risk all of us have to take when we fall in-love... so think about it!
Its painful sometimes that no matter how long have been in a relationship with your current love... it's easy for arguments to ruin it and call it quits. Some may say it's just a spurt of fight or flight response that makes us vulnerable even with petty quarrels, but I'd say, it's more than that. When you're comfortable about your relationship you would want anything to preserve it... but sometimes one slips and falls taht causes jealousy and insecurity to kick in.
Trust is the main thing of all... though you know that you trust him/her still the feeling of doubt may still cloud over somehow. It's just a matter of talking things out that can shoo it away. Argumetns like "not calling of your whereabouts" or "being so overly protective" are things you can talk things through. But... tables turn sometimes. And when I mean it that way, oh boy! It's not really a good news. It means that the little above arguments have turned worse by digging up those past lousy memories and incorporating it again to the conversation. As an example would be the lines, "remember the time when..." and "you are not like this before..." blah blah blah and shit can make argumetns seem like forever. Believe me, it's like an old record playing in your grandma's attic when you come visit her.
Annoying as it is, the only way out is to forget about those past because that's why it's called "PAST" damnit! It should be non-existent pretty much. Past stuffs are those that had been argued about long time ago and is meant to be forgotten and forgiven already especially when it's pretty traumatic enough to handle. Embrace your trust to each other and it will never leave you two alone. Both people willing to trust themselves with each other, earns trust.
Nobody said relationships are always a grand time. Relationship is tackling life experiences side by side with the one you love. It's the risk all of us have to take when we fall in-love... so think about it!
2/18/05
HURTING DEEP
(dedicated to pjc)
Be mad at me now
For I've done nothing but care
For I've done nothing but love
For I've done nothing but protect
The person that means so much to both of us.
Though trouble and harm was done
I still don't have the balls to face you
Because as much as I want to
I might just breakdown and cry
So it's no use.
It hurts coz you're my friend too, before then
You had my back every single time
And eventhough,
I didn't talk much, you know when I need you
And you never fail to cheer me up.
I hate this mess
Because I hate myself for blaming you
When I know all you did was care for her
But see, I missed the target
You didn't tell me, I struggled and had the wrong intuition.
Don't think I didn't loved you too as a dear friend
Don't think I didn't appreciate all the things you did for me
Don't think I didn't care as much as you did
Because alongside, you're a nice guy, little rough 'round the edges
Yet overall, sincere and nice no doubt.
But tell me, why does everything hurts?
Be mad at me now
For I've done nothing but care
For I've done nothing but love
For I've done nothing but protect
The person that means so much to both of us.
Though trouble and harm was done
I still don't have the balls to face you
Because as much as I want to
I might just breakdown and cry
So it's no use.
It hurts coz you're my friend too, before then
You had my back every single time
And eventhough,
I didn't talk much, you know when I need you
And you never fail to cheer me up.
I hate this mess
Because I hate myself for blaming you
When I know all you did was care for her
But see, I missed the target
You didn't tell me, I struggled and had the wrong intuition.
Don't think I didn't loved you too as a dear friend
Don't think I didn't appreciate all the things you did for me
Don't think I didn't care as much as you did
Because alongside, you're a nice guy, little rough 'round the edges
Yet overall, sincere and nice no doubt.
But tell me, why does everything hurts?
2/16/05
OH FOOL
Everythin's just a dead end
No choice, No nothing,
Miserable and lowly, I begin to taste
Life's ever passing cruelty put to haste.
Though it would be good
A second chance of a better life as it should.
In turn, endeavors just keep running after me
Face it Fool! yet you run away from it too.
Yeah, I remembered you did say move on
But why, why and damn why you came back!
Pissed me off? Crumbled and aloft,
Just leave me alone, please!
Wish we never met again
Wish we never talked for awhile.
Wish, wish wish I was there!
To not feel this way to not wonder off.
So everythin's just a dead end
Which is which, i cannot say
No choice, no nothing
Admit it, oh Fool.
No choice, No nothing,
Miserable and lowly, I begin to taste
Life's ever passing cruelty put to haste.
Though it would be good
A second chance of a better life as it should.
In turn, endeavors just keep running after me
Face it Fool! yet you run away from it too.
Yeah, I remembered you did say move on
But why, why and damn why you came back!
Pissed me off? Crumbled and aloft,
Just leave me alone, please!
Wish we never met again
Wish we never talked for awhile.
Wish, wish wish I was there!
To not feel this way to not wonder off.
So everythin's just a dead end
Which is which, i cannot say
No choice, no nothing
Admit it, oh Fool.
2/7/05
MY FAVORITE NUMBER
(featured on the "Random Thoughts Corner" of NewMaria)
I thought I got over you already, but when you showed up again 12 years later into to my semi-perfect life, I lost my ability to organize my thoughts again, it's like being back to the turmoil of thinking of you non-stop and of how after all these years you still know my whole name. Ironic when you said that you looked for me everywhere and how easily I believed you really did because as small as the networking can get, you still managed to find me in a free online service which I, at first, found silly to be even a member of it. But you've changed a lot didn't you? I can feel it... better yet I can see it from the thousand miles of distance we have from each other. I guess it was a good thing that we both are far from each other in location coz what if... we just live nearby all these years and without knowing that we did cross our paths on streets somehow you know, that would just be plain torture, wouldn't it? Yet I, being a hopeless romantic who believes in serendipity and fate and stuffs like that, wished we were near each other coz what if... you really belong to me and I to you and without really knowing that for sure, we would pass up the chance of really living the life destined for us.
But I can see your happy, happy where you are right now. I heard your friends talk about how you've done great things and I envy them for knowing who you really are while I just sit here and listen to stories I wished I had heard way way back before this moment. And how I wished somehow I was part of some of them too. 9 really is a crazy number. It's how old we were when we met and its how long memories had stagnated before us a year later. After that, I was always known to be a person who leaves special people behind either hurt or sad... and I don't want to be that person anymore so that's why I run and run from every opportunity there is in store for me in the love department. It's also why 9 is my favorite number, to remind me of you and to tell you... you're never forgotten as long as I live life my way.
I thought I got over you already, but when you showed up again 12 years later into to my semi-perfect life, I lost my ability to organize my thoughts again, it's like being back to the turmoil of thinking of you non-stop and of how after all these years you still know my whole name. Ironic when you said that you looked for me everywhere and how easily I believed you really did because as small as the networking can get, you still managed to find me in a free online service which I, at first, found silly to be even a member of it. But you've changed a lot didn't you? I can feel it... better yet I can see it from the thousand miles of distance we have from each other. I guess it was a good thing that we both are far from each other in location coz what if... we just live nearby all these years and without knowing that we did cross our paths on streets somehow you know, that would just be plain torture, wouldn't it? Yet I, being a hopeless romantic who believes in serendipity and fate and stuffs like that, wished we were near each other coz what if... you really belong to me and I to you and without really knowing that for sure, we would pass up the chance of really living the life destined for us.
But I can see your happy, happy where you are right now. I heard your friends talk about how you've done great things and I envy them for knowing who you really are while I just sit here and listen to stories I wished I had heard way way back before this moment. And how I wished somehow I was part of some of them too. 9 really is a crazy number. It's how old we were when we met and its how long memories had stagnated before us a year later. After that, I was always known to be a person who leaves special people behind either hurt or sad... and I don't want to be that person anymore so that's why I run and run from every opportunity there is in store for me in the love department. It's also why 9 is my favorite number, to remind me of you and to tell you... you're never forgotten as long as I live life my way.
1/29/05
FREEDOM YET MINE
I thought after I'm done with school I can live life normally like most young adults do. But hell I'm wrong again. 22years I've been serving you without complains and still the freedom I ask of you, you still wouldn't give. Every step I take you took note of it, every breath I breathe, you counted it all, and everything I do, you set a trap in all of them. I should have run away while I can, but that's lying to myself because that ain't me at all. I face every challenges there is in this world and I sure won't give up the fight on this one. But I'm getting very tired already. Tired of living the life, most of the young people ever dreamt of having.
Yeah, I knew from the moment I learned how to recite my abc's by heart, that things aren't going to be easy. And for sure, all eyes are going to watch me, rooting for me to fail.. "this rich, spoiled but good girl" ..if she's ever going to screw up her life. And oh who guessed, I did. Too much pressure, I had enough! Too much bodyguards watching my every move, I can't stand it so I tripped and fell! Then above it all, I hear their voices screaming mad at me, roaring like lions gone wild. And behind those, I can also hear the laughing hyenas, those wanting me to fail, had succeeded.
I'm worser than Cindrella's curfew, I'm worser than the president's daughter, and I'm worser because I am but, supposed to be, a normal girl trying to taste what life has to offer and yet some fairytale and political issue was compared to my life. But in a little town called Lilo, they are one of the respected people around, and I, being their fruit, has to deal with all of these. Now, knowing these, who the hell would want to be in my shoes right now? Don't worry, this is the life I chose to live, and so this is mine.
Now, now that I'm done with one of the few accomplishments in my life, I began to hear the drowning laughs fading and fading in the distance, they are devastated for I survived the fight, one of many that I still have to tackle and face. I'm still thirsty for my freedom, even just a drop would be fine but this is yet another story to be told. I'm sure the hyenas will come hunting me again and the lions will keep pressuring me, but I'm not a about to give up. I'm tired but this is an unending battle and I'm not giving up, not now.. not ever.
Yeah, I knew from the moment I learned how to recite my abc's by heart, that things aren't going to be easy. And for sure, all eyes are going to watch me, rooting for me to fail.. "this rich, spoiled but good girl" ..if she's ever going to screw up her life. And oh who guessed, I did. Too much pressure, I had enough! Too much bodyguards watching my every move, I can't stand it so I tripped and fell! Then above it all, I hear their voices screaming mad at me, roaring like lions gone wild. And behind those, I can also hear the laughing hyenas, those wanting me to fail, had succeeded.
I'm worser than Cindrella's curfew, I'm worser than the president's daughter, and I'm worser because I am but, supposed to be, a normal girl trying to taste what life has to offer and yet some fairytale and political issue was compared to my life. But in a little town called Lilo, they are one of the respected people around, and I, being their fruit, has to deal with all of these. Now, knowing these, who the hell would want to be in my shoes right now? Don't worry, this is the life I chose to live, and so this is mine.
Now, now that I'm done with one of the few accomplishments in my life, I began to hear the drowning laughs fading and fading in the distance, they are devastated for I survived the fight, one of many that I still have to tackle and face. I'm still thirsty for my freedom, even just a drop would be fine but this is yet another story to be told. I'm sure the hyenas will come hunting me again and the lions will keep pressuring me, but I'm not a about to give up. I'm tired but this is an unending battle and I'm not giving up, not now.. not ever.
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